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How to decipher personal ads

Travel Forums Off Topic How to decipher personal ads

1. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

Just another giggle to brighten your day;)No offense intended.

WOMEN'S ADS:
40-ish......................49
Adventurer..................Slept with all your friends
Athletic....................No tits
Average looking.............Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful...................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile............Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated....................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure..........Medicated
Feminist....................Fat ball buster
Free spirit........ ........Junkie
Friendship first.. .........Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun........ ................Annoying
Gentle.......... ...........Comatose
Good Listener...... ........Borderline Autistic
New-Age........... .........All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned.... ..........Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded....... .........Desperate
Outgoing......... ..........Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...... ...........Sloppy drunk
Poet............ ...........Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional...... .........Certified Bitch
Redhead........... .........Bad dye-job
Reubenesque....... .........Grossly Fat
Romantic........ ...........Looks better by candle light
Social.......... ...........Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous...... ...........Very Fat
Height/weight proportional..Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate. ...........Stalker
Widow......... .............Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart.. ..........Old bat

MEN'S ADS:
40-ish.... .................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic......... ..........Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking. ...........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, &back
Educated........... ........Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit..... ...........Banging your sister
Friendship first. ..........As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun............. ...........Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking..... ..........Arrogant
Very good looking. .........Dumb as a board
Honest.......... ...........Pathological Liar
Huggable........ ...........Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.. ..........Insecure mama's boy
Mature........ .............Older than your father
Open-minded. ...............Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit... ..........Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet........... ............Wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number on a bathroom stall
Sensitive...... ............Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive.. ...........Gay
Spiritual....... ...........Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable.......... ...........Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful...... ...........Says "Excuse me" when he farts

2. Posted by areinstein (Travel Guru 2788 posts) 11y

This is funny Joz! I was having a conversation last week with a friend about people placing ads (especially on internet dating sites such as match.com or american singles). A friend just got divorced a month ago and we found her ex-husband in one of those sites. We were dying laughing about how he described himself and what he was looking for...and this is no the first time a friend of mine finds an ex in one of those sites, what a stretch of the real truth in both cases! Unbelievable!

3. Posted by daveh (Travel Guru 1027 posts) 11y

Very funny Joz.

4. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Quoting Cupcake

Poet............ ...........Depressive Schizophrenic

I will never consider myself poetically inclined ever, EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Neither will the other three people who live in my head!!!!!!!!

6. Posted by s0f (Full Member 163 posts) 11y

Quoting isadora

Neither will the other three people who live in my head!!!!!!!!

haha!! Good one!

That list is a crack up btw.

7. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

What is really funny is that over 35% of the people who sign up for online dating....are already married.

8. Posted by Wocca (Inactive 3745 posts) 11y

A tip on bringing yourself to the best light through your personals ad.

Tri two avoide meking supelleng and sum gramatikel erors.

Deciphering the Personacronyms

What could be more Geek than acronyms? ... But still, these are an entirely different set:

Acronym Meaning
A Asian
AGP Advanced Geek Persussion
B Black
CP Crud Puppy
DP Dust Puppy
DWF Divorced White Female
DWM Divorced White Male
HWP Height Weight Proportional
PCI Pretty Cool Individual
SAM Single Asian Male, or someone who does not like green eggs and ham.
SDRAM Sex Deprived Anotomic(ly correct) Male
SWF Single White Female
SWM Single White Male
UGLFC ├╝bergeek Looking For Chick
USB Universally Sexy BOFH
UWB2IALLT You would be my second love since I am already in love with Linus Torvalds
WPN Wookin Pa Nub

9. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

Quoting Wocca

Wookin Pa Nub

......in all da wong places...:)

10. Posted by Wocca (Inactive 3745 posts) 11y

Once Buh-weet sings a song, it's eternally his.