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I have been framed!

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31. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Seven lives left - give or take a couple...
Aaaacccccckkkkk - sorry hairball.

32. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 11y

hahah!! FAWN

In my defence, I must say that... ummm... it wasn't me! It was the one armed man!!... ummm Mike! yeah thats it...

33. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

N.F.N. Moreau, M.D.
Lost Souls Island
South Pacific

Dear Joe,

I hope you do not mind my familiarity so early in this correspondence, but I believe I may be of some help to you. Your recent legal difficulties have been brought to my attention, which has prompted this letter. Before you dismiss me completely, please give me the courtesy of explaining myself, and what I am about to propose.

I am a medical doctor of some repute. Perhaps you have heard of me, perhaps not. Either way, I may have just the solution to your problem(s) of late. I am well known around the world for my research in the field of genetics and for conducting "cutting edge" experimentation in both hypnosis and the surgical arenas. I have just recently made a successful breakthrough in combining human with animal DNA. This, my friend, could be very beneficial in making all those nasty little lawsuits disappear.

My colleague will be round to collect you shortly. Do not worry yourself with packing, as we have everything you will require here on the island. Upon your arrival, we shall begin your transformation immediately. (That is, after a small meal of lamb chops, fava beans and a nice Chianti.) With just a few minor physical changes (ie: bodily hair transplant, elongating the nose, a couple additional extremities, etc.), you will no longer suffer the wrath of the infidels, and free to pursue Miss Rayme Cupcake at your leisure.

We look forward to seeing you soon.

Sincerely,

Dr. Moreau

34. Posted by areinstein (Travel Guru 2788 posts) 11y

I got this email awhile back that I am sure some of you have seen. For those who own cats (or dogs too I guess) you will find this hilarious:

>Subject: Pet diaries

> >>EXCERPT FROM A DOG DIARY

>Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
2:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

>Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

> >> >EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the
occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the
top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a
burning, foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece
of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 -
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY
power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has
got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain
he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal
room his safety is assured. I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

35. Posted by Hien (Moderator 3906 posts) 11y

Day 777 - I sneaked out and wandered to the unknown. I was lost. Suddenly, a dangerously-looking human appeared and approached me. Judging from the name tag on his shirt, the name was Joe. I had nowhere to go or run for escape. I stared fiercely into his eyes, hoping that I will scare him away, but I failed. He knelt down in front of me, slid his left hand under my belly. He was molesting me! And I saw that he was enjoying it! It must had been insufficient for him that he put his other hand under me and lifted me up. Two hands molesting, in the air!!! I had to think something quick to get away from this torture and disgust! I did something he did not see coming. I p**ped on his hands!!! He freaked out (his face was really funny) and released me immediately! I fell to my death, my 2nd one, and now I have only seven lives left. I regained my strength and ran to the basement to hide.

36. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 11y

37. Posted by areinstein (Travel Guru 2788 posts) 11y

THAT WAS SOOO GOOD HIEN!!!

38. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

And I will remain in hiding until that human has been dispensed!

Is that the doorbell??

Hey Joe! Dr. M is here...

39. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 11y

If transformation will mean ever lasting happyness with my beloved then so be it! Take me away!

You havn't seen the last of me CAT!! oh and Hien that was really funny! haha had me laughing in class!

40. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

Quoting Brendan

If transformation will mean ever lasting happyness with my beloved then so be it! Take me away!

OH MY GOD!!!!! That's ....that's......MY baby!!! Stay away you beast!