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What Makes A Succesful Marriage?

Travel Forums Off Topic What Makes A Succesful Marriage?

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21. Posted by lil j (Travel Guru 1303 posts) 11y

Yes Sam-you go cook something good-and remember don't put too much salt in it or make it too spicy, lol! she may not be so impressed then!

22. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

Quoting Sam I Am

Oh oh, you bunch are scaring me

I think I have to stop posting now and go make time for my wife. Maybe a nice dinner since I haven't cooked for a few days...

You SO have what it takes to make it work! ;)
(flowers, chocolate, and a back rub wouldn't hurt either)

23. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 11y

I know most people probably look at their parents and think "God, I dont want to end up like them"...but I often am baffled as to how my Mum and Dad got together.

They are alike in one or two major areas. I think maybe when they met they were both loners to a large extent, they were both into the arts and they were probably both quite attractive.

Because I obviously never witnessed the dynamic of their relationship when they were both young, it's hard to comment how how in love they used to be or how alike they used to be then. All I see now is two people who, while they still have a lot of love for each other and who have survived a lot together, are two totally different people now.

They want different things...my Dad travelled the world when he was young and with his work, and now he just wants to spend his time at home in ireland and enjoy this phase of his life. My Mum, on the otherhand, never had any real adverntures or took any risks when she was young. She feels very frustrated now and sees her life as passing her by. She has a lot of regrets.

So, there's two ways of looking at this:

a) their marriage is a success - they have come through a lot and are still together. they do both love each other. compromises are made on both parts

b) their marriage is a failure - they never really talked all along about what their wants/needs/future expectations were and now they both want very different things, and resent each other to an extent for the perceived resistance on both parts.

Like Mtlgal said, it's one of the most complicated topics!!
I'm not sure I'd ever be any good at it.

24. Posted by Rraven (Travel Guru 5924 posts) 11y

Quoting samsara2

Here's a question:

Do you think it's vital to a relationship that your partner knows everything about your past?

i don't think its vital in evey relationship but considering how strange we can all get at times it does help your partner to understand who you are who you think or feel a certain away... i also know in my own case my boyfriend was shocked about certain parts of my past but it helped him to understand why i felt strongly about certain topics and vice versa....

I know most people probably look at their parents and think "God, I dont want to end up like them"...but I often am baffled as to how my Mum and Dad got together

I think if I had as happy a relationship as my parents i would be one of the happiest people in the world, yes they had their ups and downs but i always remember catching that secret smile passed between them that spoke a million words, the fact that they could have the deepest and funniest conversations with the fewest of words because they understood how the other one ticked.... and yes like Eve's parents they were very different, my Mom had loads of friends, loved socialising, dancing, exotic holidays, reading, theatre, whereas my Dad has few friends, is very quiet, doesn't see why he should go out to have a good time, loves staying in Ireland, movies and computers.... but in their own ways they complimented each other perfectly...

25. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

My parents have been together for 36 years - an rarity here in Quebec. They still hold hands and never raise their voices. My Dad always thanks my Mom for supper and my Mom always makes what he likes, even if she's tired of cooking it. They love each other and my Dad never fails to tell my Mom so.

But I've always wondered, analysing further, if there's some buried resentment somewhere. My Dad is kind and loving but so very hard-headed. My Mom tries to please everyone and has always had issues with self-confidence. I can't remember her every showing outright affection to my Dad, and on the other hand my Dad is so inflexible there's not a bit of spontaneity in that house.

My Mom went from her parents' house to being married, and so I think she never learned who she really is, deep down, all on her own. And living with a man who's so extraordinarily stuck in his ways must have compounded that even more.

That said, though, they have stuck together and I believe they genuinely love one another. And my sister and I know we can count on their unconditional love, always - and that's a great, great gift that they've given us.

I'm glad, though, that I've had the chance to live all on my own.

26. Posted by lil j (Travel Guru 1303 posts) 11y

My mum has just told me something really sad-friends of my nan and grandad-my nan's friend has just lost her husband-he was in his 80's and they have been together for 59 years-would have been a whole 60 years next year, and at the funeral-someone had read out that they had never rowed!-how fantastic is that-i asked my mum if they got on-seeing as especially when people are older they dont really seem to get on with their husband!

How great if we could all live like that!-very touching i thouhgt!

27. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

That reminds me! My Grandfather died last year, and my cousins recently went through some of the old love letters he'd collected throughout the war (he and my Nan met and married in 1946). Seems he was quite the giggolo!

However, they also found tell-all pictures and love letters dated into the 1960s. We always suspected, but... well, they took those letters discretely out of the pile.

In a way it's sad, but at the same time it's still interesting to get to know him better, even after he's gone.

28. Posted by Zhou (Full Member 126 posts) 11y

Wocca, I remember when I was a junior university student, our American teacher gave the same topic for discussion.

My answer was : Sense of responsibility, honesty and understanding;
Now it is: Friendship, sense of responsibility and tolerance.

When my friend honestly told her boyfriend that she was not a virgin, her bf cancelled their wedding plan....
If my future husband tells me he`s had an affair, I`ll divorce him.

p.s. my friend is 32 years old.

29. Posted by cikusang (Respected Member 1361 posts) 11y

Dear all,

The title of this thread is EXATCLY the idea of this International Italian Film - Casomai or If By Chance in English. It's a thought-provoking movie and if by chance you have the extra time, go and look for this film, I'm sure you'll get some new idea which challenge your typical ideas. Hear what does the 'modern' young priest's say in that film.

THIS IS A FILM FOR THOSE DISCERNING AUDIENCES.

Happy watching,
Lee

30. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 11y

Your spouse certainly does NOT need to know everything about your past.

My wife would hit the roof if she knew that I was known as "Michelle" up until we met

It's none of her business!