Skip Navigation

Question: Proof of safety - traveling abroad

Travel Forums General Talk Question: Proof of safety - traveling abroad

Page
  • 1
  • 2

Last Post

1. Posted by Desiretotravel (Budding Member 10 posts) 20w

Hi Travel Helpers!

My question is regarding safety for females wanting to travel abroad, but first I am going to provide a bit of information regarding my situation.

I have a friend who lives in England - We're both in our 20s. My friend is 25, engaged, and has a three year old. I am 23, single, and childless. We have known each other (online) going on 12 years (October 18th will be twelve years). From the time that we were seventeen, We have been discussing the option of either her coming to visit me (something that will be more difficult now due to her having a child) or me visiting her (something that would be much easier to accomplish at this point because I don't have any children). However, each time I have brought this up to my dad, he has been against the idea. His main reasoning for saying no (much as he has in the past) is because he does not have "proof" that I will be safe.

He lists off potential dangers such as being killed while in a foreign country or being abducted at the receiving airport and sold into sex-slavery - etc. His biggest issue seems to be that he wants solid proof of my safety while traveling. Before anyone says "You're twenty-three, you don't need his permission." ; Let me correct you. I am twenty-three, yes. However, I do still live at home and I am a full-time online college student. I can support myself to an extent but he does still contribute to my expenses quite a lot. I also don't drive (anxiety) so he would be my transportation to my departing airport about an hour from where we live. I have traveled alone before to visit family albeit never out of the country.

Traveling expenses are not the issue, though. When I bring up wanting to visit my friend, he tries to appease my desire to travel by suggesting that I participate in Youth With A Mission - A group that travels abroad and works with and loves on children at various orphanages. I do understand why he suggests this option, he knows the people I would go with should I choose to explore this option. This does sound like a wonderful opportunity but it doesn't quite help with the "I want to visit my friend" issue. In discussions that I've had with her - We have worked out a few details such as the airport I would need to fly into, that she would pick me up at said airport, that I would stay with her rather than at a hotel or hostel, and that she would take care of food expenses as well. My only expenses would be my passport, airfare, and recreational funds. I have tried explaining this to him but it doesn't seem to qualify as "proof" of my safety.

So - herein lies my question.
When a parent wants solid proof of your safety in a potential trip abroad,
What qualifies as tangible proof and how do I go about presenting that proof?
Any suggestions?

A little more specific:
• What qualifies as tangible evidence of safety??
• How can I present that evidence in a convincing manner??
• The area is a small town in Cumbria, England, UK
• According to UKCrimeStats.com, Cumbria is one of the safest places to work, live, and visit.

Thank you in advance.

If anyone has further questions, I will do my best to answer them.

[ Edit: Edited on 28-Jul-2014, at 10:51 by Desiretotravel ]

2. Posted by CheersT (Travel Guru 1686 posts) 20w

As I'm sure you know in your heart your Dad (God bless him) is being completely and utterly irrational. He doesn't want you to travel, period.

The fact that the destination in question is the UK in general and Cumbria in particular makes his request even more ridiculous.

I'm sorry but your Dad has a certifiable phobia about you going anywhere out of his sight/control and you will never, ever convince him otherwise.

Good luck on getting out from under his roof and start living your own life.

All the best to you.

Cheers,
Terry

[ Edit: Edited on 28-Jul-2014, at 16:17 by CheersT ]

3. Posted by Andyf (Respected Member 335 posts) 20w

Get a passport, to show you're serious.

Then sit down with him and ask him to help you solve the problem he is creating - get him to discuss what safety measures he can think up. Basically, make it harder work for him to keep stopping you than let you go.

I really do think you are allowing him to keep you as a child, at 23 that is surely time to establish your independence? Are you in a culture that tends to hand a woman from her father to her husband as owner/keeper?!

Yes there are potential dangers in life - but no-one ever got abducted and sold into slavery while going from Manchester airport to Cumbria, of that I am certain! Without knowing where home is, it is probably more safe going to Cumbria than staying at home.

4. Posted by hasbeen (Travel Guru 399 posts) 20w

Quoting Andyf

Get a passport, to show you're serious.

......
Yes there are potential dangers in life .......... Without knowing where home is, it is probably more safe going to Cumbria than staying at home.

Good point ...

Try asking your dad to provide proof as to the safety of visiting the USA & use that as your template for visiting the UK ( & any other countries you hope to visit ).

Steve

5. Posted by Alain13 (Full Member 58 posts) 20w

Hi, :)
I think you can also argue on your side:

From european point of view, UK is considered far safer than USA

Tell him also how it would be profitable for you to open your mind to another way of live.

And you can say that one day or the other you will go abroad, and this is the better and safer possible way for you to go :
- you intend to visit a modern western country
- you know the language
- you will be with a friend you know from long (and with a young child: no risk)

Good luck
Alain

6. Posted by Desiretotravel (Budding Member 10 posts) 20w

Quoting CheersT

As I'm sure you know in your heart your Dad (God bless him) is being completely and utterly irrational. He doesn't want you to travel, period.

The fact that the destination in question is the UK in general and Cumbria in particular makes his request even more ridiculous.

I'm sorry but your Dad has a certifiable phobia about you going anywhere out of his sight/control and you will never, ever convince him otherwise.

Good luck on getting out from under his roof and start living your own life.

All the best to you.

Cheers,
Terry

Hi Terry! Thank you for your opinion but I think that you are getting the wrong impression. I do feel like he's being a bit over-protective but I'm not sure that I would call it irrational, exactly. It isn't that he doesn't want me to travel at all - that's why he suggested YWAM. YWAM travels to different countries visiting different orphanages and working with the children there. So, I'd still be able to visit various countries and experience new cultures but he would also be in a "winning" position, I suppose, because he knows at least one person that would be going with me if I was participating in YWAM, so he'd know that I would be safe.

As opposed to traveling to another country alone be it for a personal trip to visit my friend in Cumbria or for a job Nannying abroad as a summertime thing (another option I'd suggested in hopes I might find a host family near her and be able to secure a summer job with them). It's not about him being afraid of letting me out of his sight or out of his control. I moved out in high school and was living with a relative for my senior year. I chose to move back while visiting one weekend due to the fact that he had a heart attack. My nana took him to the emergency room the morning we were supposed to drive me back to my cousin's so that I could resume school the next day. The hospital ER staff found traces of a the heart enzyme - troponin in his blood. This only happens when there has been damage to the heart and the enzyme is able to leak out into the blood. (This happened back in 2008).

I chose to stay at that point because I was afraid. I hadn't even known she'd taken him to the hospital. I woke up that morning and they were both gone, I found out what had happened after calling my Nana to find out where they were. She came to get me and we followed the ambulance to a hospital in another city where they had to do a procedure to place a stent in his heart. I did leave again later that year (December 2008) to visit my mom and siblings for Christmas in another state - about 3,000+ miles from my home -state. I didn't stay long though, My grandfather (my dad's dad) had been diagnosed with cancer in 2004 and had been getting worse - so I flew back home. He passed away March 10th, 2009 - 16 days after I turned 18.

It was another reason I chose to keep staying, we'd both just lost someone and we needed each other. But, I have been out of California and out of my home several times. I've been to Idaho with my Nana several times to visit her sister (my aunt), I've been to Arizona and to Oregon with my Nana to see my cousin in sports tournaments and championships (I don't drive, so I go with my Nana who does drive), I've flown to Atlanta, GA and Raleigh, NC multiple times (at least once a year) to visit family in GA and NC. In fact, I just got back from me most recent trip on December 25, 2013 and had been there for about a month before I came back. I've also tagged along with a friend of his while she drove cross-country in her motor-home from CA to NYC and back last October.

So, it's not a matter of being in his sight or being in his control, at all. [: He's just protective. I think that the news scares him and I think that as his only biological child - he worries about me and he's earned that right - he's raised me as a single parent since I was 11 - about to turn 12. My mom left him when I was 10 and I decided that I wanted to live with him when I was 12 after being forced to go back and forth between them (court - ordered) 50-50 for a little over a year. He's given up a lot to ensure that I'm happy, healthy, and have the things that I need to survive. Sometimes working 2-3 jobs at a time when I was younger.

I know part of the reason he's worried is because despite how long I've known this girl - we've never met face to face before and when I was younger - his thing used to be he didn't care if I went to meet someone - as long as they came here first. If he was able to meet them and know exactly who I'd be with, he would be content. But, much like him? Their parents weren't fond of that idea and had his same mindset. If I went there first - so that they could meet me and know exactly who their kids would be with, then my friends could come here. So obviously - with both parents have like-minded thoughts; a lot of us haven't yet met each other though we want to.

In some cases, it's finance related but in cases like this one - it's safety related because it's out of the country rather than out of the state. I'm under his roof because I choose to be, I can't juggle a job and a full-time course load so he helps to support me while I'm going through college. Most parents would be making their child work anyway and pay rent. He just wants me to keep good grades and make something of myself - and in return he helps to support me so that I can focus my attention solely on my education. Another reason that I choose to be at home still - he had another heart attack June 2013 - There was a 90% blockage in an artery of his heart that would have killed him in his sleep if I had not convinced him to go to the hospital that night because I was worried after he'd told me his chest was bothering him to the point that he'd needed to take three of his heart-tablets (they open up blood vessels).

He had to get another stent and then had two more heart procedures in July and in August for other major blockages. July was a double blockage of 80% and 90% resulting in another stent, August was a single blockage that was above 80% resulting in another stent - he has a total of 4 now. He also suffered a TIA that they suggested could have been a mild stroke last October. I stay home because he's diabetic and he has heart disease and although he's trying to take care of himself, no one is ever promised tomorrow. But, it is MY choice.

The only problem we're having is that he feels it's not safe for me to visit/meet my friend out of the country.
I would like to reassure him that I'll be perfectly fine but I'm not sure how to do that.
That was the point of my post/question.

I appreciate your input though! [:

[ Edit: Edited on 29-Jul-2014, at 13:58 by Desiretotravel ]

7. Posted by Desiretotravel (Budding Member 10 posts) 20w

Quoting Andyf

Get a passport, to show you're serious.

Then sit down with him and ask him to help you solve the problem he is creating - get him to discuss what safety measures he can think up. Basically, make it harder work for him to keep stopping you than let you go.

I really do think you are allowing him to keep you as a child, at 23 that is surely time to establish your independence? Are you in a culture that tends to hand a woman from her father to her husband as owner/keeper?!

Yes there are potential dangers in life - but no-one ever got abducted and sold into slavery while going from Manchester airport to Cumbria, of that I am certain! Without knowing where home is, it is probably more safe going to Cumbria than staying at home.

AndyF - I do intend to get a passport, we've discussed that. The only reason I haven't just yet is because other living expenses have been taking priority (groceries, school, - etc) I do appreciate the rest of your suggestions though. I'll have to ask about safety measures that he might be able to think of or questions he might have for my friend who I would be staying with - etc. However, I'm not allowing him to "keep me" as a child. I am twenty-three but establishing independence doesn't really do anything for you unless you can provide for yourself. As I've explained to Terry - I'm a full time college student and my studies take up most if not all of my time during the Spring and Fall semesters. I don't have time to juggle a job and my studies - so my dad helps to support me. Living at home is my choice. It allows me to focus solely on my studies without having to worry about a lot of life's other stresses and circumstances. No, I'm not in a culture that tends to hand a woman from her father to her husband as owner/keeper. I live in California in the United States. This isn't a control-situation. It's a situation where he worries about his daughter and I'm wanting to know how to offer proof of my safety and reassure those concerns. My area of California is actually pretty safe. Crime-rates are incredibly low in my little town. Actually, the county (not to be confused with country) that I live in as a whole is pretty safe. Anyway - Thanks again for your suggestion about going over possible safety measures!

8. Posted by Desiretotravel (Budding Member 10 posts) 20w

Quoting hasbeen

Quoting Andyf

Get a passport, to show you're serious.

......
Yes there are potential dangers in life .......... Without knowing where home is, it is probably more safe going to Cumbria than staying at home.

Good point ...

Try asking your dad to provide proof as to the safety of visiting the USA & use that as your template for visiting the UK ( & any other countries you hope to visit ).

Steve

Steve - I'm not sure that would work as we live in the USA - so I wouldn't be visiting it.
And our area is a fairly safe one. Pretty much nothing bad ever happens.

That IS a good approach though. I'll have to see if I can make that work [: Thanks for your input!

9. Posted by Desiretotravel (Budding Member 10 posts) 20w

Quoting Alain13

Hi, :)
I think you can also argue on your side:

From european point of view, UK is considered far safer than USA

Tell him also how it would be profitable for you to open your mind to another way of live.

And you can say that one day or the other you will go abroad, and this is the better and safer possible way for you to go :
- you intend to visit a modern western country
- you know the language
- you will be with a friend you know from long (and with a young child: no risk)

Good luck
Alain

Hi Alain - thank you so much for your input!

I feel like people are misunderstanding though. YWAM was his idea.
I'm wanting to know how to reassure him that I would be just as safe visiting/meeting a friend of mine in UK (traveling alone - to her)

But, I will also take this approach into consideration! Thanks again!

ALSO: Side note to all:

The reason I am replying in quotes is because it would not let me edit my original post even though I'm signed in and there was no reply option, just a quote option.

10. Posted by Sander (Moderator 4428 posts) 20w

Quoting Desiretotravel

ALSO: Side note to all:

The reason I am replying in quotes is because it would not let me edit my original post even though I'm signed in and there was no reply option, just a quote option.

The reply option is just to use the textarea at the bottom of the thread to write a reply. Editing is only possible for an hour after posting; it's primarily meant to allow fixing typos and such - if people would substantially alter the contents of their posts, a lot of replies to the original content wouldn't make much sense anymore, and this hour-long editing window attempts to strike the right balance there.