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Philosophical questions concerning Woodchuck -silly-

Travel Forums Off Topic Philosophical questions concerning Woodchuck -silly-

1. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 11y

Hey Folks,

I am currently suffering from an overdose of sugar due to a free supply of Coke (the brown liquid stuff, that is) and am pondering over the following questions after being introduced yesterday to the concept of wood chucking Woodchuck.

How much would he actually chuck?
Why can't he chuck Wood (is he lazy or is there some physical feature that prevents him from chucking wood?)?
Why is it so important how much wood he could chuck?
If he can't chuck wood, what is he doing in his spare time? (Maybe composing poems based on Maple Tree Leaves?)
Why am I asking these questions?
When are the voices in my head going to stop talking about Woodchuck and say something relevant for a change?

And most importantly: Who or what is Wood chuck?

I need answers.... HELP ME!!!!

2. Posted by Wocca (Inactive 3745 posts) 11y

Try this link

http://www.conservation.state.mo.us/nathis/mammals/woodchuck/

3. Posted by angela_ (Respected Member 1732 posts) 11y

a woodchuck is a groundhog..
How much wood would a groundhog chuck if a groundhog would chuck wood.

4. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

I will give an idea of what the questions were a. you are falling from a cliff to your death, what are your final thoughts? b. what would you do for a klondike bar? c. how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood and what are the social ramifications of chucking wood? d. how's it going?

My answers:

a Oh no, not again.

b. Not much

c. The Social Ramifications of Woodchucks Chucking Wood

Since the dawn of time man has wondered, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The purpose of this research is to determine first; if a woodchuck can chuck wood, second; if it can, how much; third; if it cannot, how much would it theoretically be able to chuck if it could and fourth; what are the social ramifications of chucking wood.

The woodchuck is burrowing rodent native to North America. It is also known as a whistle pig or a groundhog. The term woodchuck is probably a folk etymology from the algonquin word for the wood chuck. They are known as whistle pigs due to the whistling sound that the animal makes. They are a grayish-brown color.

The main problem which had to be overcome before conclusions could be made was to determine the meaning of the word chuck. According to Webster's ninth Collegiate dictionary, chuck can mean to toss, however, nowhere were any woodchucks seen tossing wood. Since I didn't like this result I ignored it and found that it is far more likely that the correct meaning of the word chuck in this context is to have done with.

The woodchucks were watched in the wild for two months. The person watching the woodchucks dressed as a large woodchuck and wore woodchuck scent in order to not disturb the woodchucks. The original scent used was that of a woodchuck in heat, this did not have the desired effect and its use was discontinued. Observations were written in a field book every 17 minutes from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. It was later learned that woodchucks were very active at night. This reported nocturnal behavior is probably not important to the results anyway, but it was necessary to mention. It should probably also be mentioned that one of the grad students who worked as an observer was a cultural studies major and could not differentiate between a woodchuck and some breeds of dogs. This should not greatly affect the results.

Woodchucks were seen many times chucking wood, that is ignoring the wood as if they were "done with" it. For simplicity the term "lignin avoidance" will be used in this paper to denote the chucking behavior. Many times, when presented with the choice between a clear path through a field and one through a nearby forest which was merely 100 yards away, the woodchucks would almost always choose the wood- free field, clearly displaying lignin avoidance. In order to test this further, the mouth of the woodchuck's burrow was surrounded on three sides with tree logs. The woodchuck again displayed lignin avoidance when choosing a path to its burrow. Only occasionally were woodchucks observed chasing small sticks of wood and barking as they picked them up and returned to a person usually egging them on with commands such as "good dog." It is still unknown how the woodchucks developed this behavioral pattern of lignin nonavoidance.

The ability of a woodchuck to chuck, exhibit lignin avoidance, being proven, the question of how much was then addressed. It was calculated that a typical woodchuck could actually chuck the majority of the wood in the world. Even young woodchucks which could not walk yet were easily able to chuck all of the wood in Asia and South America.

The social ramifications of lignin avoidance in woodchucks are relatively minor, since woodchucks are not particularly social animals. It was found that woodchucks that did not chuck wood were far more lonely than other woodchucks because they were 10% less likely to meet a woodchuck of the opposite sex near wood than if they were near the discarded and scented woodchuck suit. Wood was also found to introduce stress into woodchuck environments. If a large wooden stick was waved at an unsuspecting groundhog, its heart rate would increase, as well as it's oxygen intake. Only once was lignin avoidance seen to generate a violent response from another woodchuck. A large woodchuck chased another woodchuck who had been chucking wood back to its burrow barking and snarling. It stood over the burrow opening barking and wagging its tail until a person came and shot the woodchuck that had been chucking. Another strange example of the strange symbiotic relationship of man and woodchuck.

There is no longer a question about whether or not woodchucks chuck wood, or how much wood they can chuck, it is the basic rule which woodchuck society and life is based on.

d. It's going just fine, and yourself?

Courtesy of: Chucking Wood

5. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Also known as Marmots in the western US.