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51. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

"Hang on a minute, Schnookems, I think I have a flashlight here in my Louis Vuitton satchel... Let's see here... oooh, salmon canapes, cheese puffs, a bit of durian, salami/cream cheese roll-ups, four bottles of rum, chocolate, Swedish meatballs... Oh, here it is, under the meatballs!" "Well, shine the light My Angel... I think I detect the subtle aroma of bat guano", responded Mr. Isa, "And, I can't see to mix these martinis."

(Cut away to the secluded cove and the Canukistani submarine - no we never stated what flag she sailed under, until now.)

Radar Officer Brenda(n) is lazily scanning the radar scope. Captain Cupcake is below deck for a piddle break. MI6 Super Agent MattXIII is posted in the conning tower, surveying the horizon through very high-powered binoculars. Katie is in the galley preparing a twelve course French-Canukistani repast for lunch. Suddenly (yeah, there it is again), Super Agent MattXIII of MI6 radios down to RO Brenda(n), "I spy with my little eye... A dinghy! Do you see it on radar, RO Brenda(n)?" "No, all I see is a little blip on the screen about 10 miles (2000 km) to starboard", announces RO Brenda(n). Super Agent MattXIII of MI6: "Are you daft man? They can't be more than 7.5 miles (1500 km) away! Best call Captain Cupcake to the bridge. And, have her bring Chief Medical Officer Anne, just in case. And find out if lunch is ready yet."

Meanwhile... (Yeah, another one of those), 1500 to 2000 km off starboard...

Sam, one half of the infamous Siamese Twin Norwegian Mad Scientist duo of "Sam and Pete Evil, Siamese Twin Norwegian Mad Scientists At Large (fame)" casually casts his fishing line into the sea, unaware they are being observed from a distance. "Pete, pass me another Aquavit-flavored beer." "Dammit Sam, how do you expect me to get up when we're attached at the pinky?" "Oh bugger... Like I could forget!" replies Sam. Fearing repercussions over yet another discussion of their mutual deformity, Pete says, "Sam, did you make sure to lock the Wocca-beast's cage before we left?" "What, like you weren't there? I thought you locked it." "Well, I don't remember if I did or not... But, since there is no one else on our evil Siamese Twin Norwegian Mad Scientist Island, what could go wrong? He'll just go out, eat a durian, take a nice longdrop and we'll collect him for dinner."

Back at the submarine...

Super Agent MattXIII of MI6 radios to RO Brenda(n), "Did anyone else hear that conversation from the dinghy? And, where's that galley wench with lunch?"

52. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 11y

... the canukistani wench strolled in to eating quarters with a large tray balanced high on her shoulder. She went toward MattXIII placing the plate down in front "Fish and chips as you ordered sir", MattXIII gave the wench a look of a very satisfied englishman. She worked her way to Brendan's side and placed the plate infront of him... "I tried to come up with the vegan something-or-other... sooo here are some crackers...".

...Brendan's eye began to get a twitch, the wench and and MattXIII looking at each other and saying in corous "not good". Brendan then ran and lept out the nearest window (yes Canukistan submarines have windows )... MattXIII left to analyse the strange "WOCCA WOCCA" sounds coming from somewhere on the island.

<fade to white>

53. Posted by MattXIII (Full Member 272 posts) 11y

"Super Agent MattXIII of MI6" - Did i ever tell you guys you rock?!
Oh but you forgot that i seduced the wench and did the whole James Bond thing on her

  • The story continues*

As the screen fades from white

On top of an active volcano there appears a silouhette.....the camera pans closer, it's Super Agent MattXIII of MI6 scanning the horizen with his infa red, hyper allogenic, super sonic binoculars that he got from his weapons expert Daveh.
Through the infa red, hyper allogenic, super sonic binoculars he spies a rustling of the palm trees........what is it? It was moving too fast to tell, then it was gone.
A crumbling of rockslide was heard, Super Agent MattXIII of MI6 spun round but there was nothing.
Suddenly but slowly a huge shadow appeared behind him.
From the bottom of the volcano somebody shouted:

(Please get this ;) )

54. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 11y


55. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

Quoting MattXIII

"From the bottom of the volcano somebody shouted:

"Jeez Louise, Super Agent MattXIII of MI6, you've got your underwear on over your super-pants again!"

Yes, it was Dr. Greg (if he's already got a role here - now he has another one!) - the island's mad scientist/consultant extraordinatire.

"But, Dr. Greg, that's how I get my superpowers!" says our super agent, hanging his head.

"Come now, Super Agent MattXIII of MI6, you're oatmeal's getting cold."

"Aw, do I have to?"

And then, quite suddenly (imagine that!), our superhero remembers: the shadow! Behind him!

"The shadow, Dr. Greg!"

"The what now?"

"The shadow! It's, it's, it's..."


"It's my phone!" cries Dr. Greg. "Lemme just get this. Hello? Yes, yes, I can consult you on that. Three tomorrow? Perfect. My office is just under the lava-spewing volcano at the side of the deadly waterfall drop off. Yes, that's right - take the side entrance. It's unlocked."

The shadow looms over them, paused for dramatic effect as the Doctor hangs up. "You were saying, Super Agent MattXIII of MI6?"

"The shadow - it's...."

Over to you!

56. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

While the action heats up on the volcano (nyuck, nyuck..)...

The submarine is listing badly to port, water pouring in though the broken port hole left by RO Brenda(n)'s leap of faith. While half the crew, including the partially clothed, satified galley wench, is busy bailing water - the remainder of the crew stands on deck, agog by the giant shadow creeping over the volcano. "Captain Cupcake, what is that over the volcano?" "I don't know, but it looks like a giant..." "Johnson, have you ever seen anything that big? It's got two huge..." "Balls, did any one remember to bring the beach balls? Holy Christ! That's the biggest..." "Dick, stop bailing and get up on deck. Wow, that looks like someone's..." "Privates, all Privates report below for bailing duty."

Back at the volcano...
Super Agent Matt XIII of MI6 screams, "Run away! Run away! Super underwear, don't fail me now!"

Drrrrrrring, drrrrring, drrrrrring... "Sorry", answers Dr. Greg, "can't talk now, please leave a message after the beep. I'm busy running away!" "Beep..."

Meanwhile, back in the magic mushroom field...
Phil has lost interest in his toes and has found a durian lying on the ground. Grasping at the very spiny and rotund fruit, he exclaims, "MY PRECIOUS! AFTER YEARS OF SEARCHING, I HAVE FOUND MY PRECIOUS!!" Eve simply stares at him, conteplating what life was like before Phil. Phil quickly grabs the broken Kenneth Cole stiletto heel and begins carving a face on his precious. Eve, being unamused by Phil's new found friend, slowly rises to her feet and begins to search for the llama who-is-not-named-Tina, in an attempt to escape this ever-evolving tale (silly girl!)...

Change of scenery...
Having lost sight of the giant Wocca-beast (he takes big steps), Nikki rouses Gelli from his somnambulent fantasy (after hitting the tree, remember?) and reunites him with Dolly (the sheep, remember?). "Come on Gelli, grab Dolly and let's go! We have to track down the Isa's! No, Gelli, I didn't mean grab her there...! This Wocca-beast will pay for kidnapping our only source of martinis!" Gelli dismounts Dolly and follows Commando Nikki (think Ahhhnold), who has thrown Massageuk over her shoulder and is rapidly heading off in pursuit of the hairy mutant.

Meanwhile (again)...
Back on the Siamese Twin Norwegian Mad Scientists dinghy, the radio crackles to life... "Misters Sam and Pete, my Siamese Twin Norwegian Mad Scientist Masters, it is I, your evil Mad Moderator Hien here. Over. Are you there? Over." Drrrring, drrrring... "Sam, you get the radio, I'll answer the phone." "Why do I always have to get the radio?" "Because Mother liked me better." Drrrring, Drrrring... (the phone keeps ringing). Again, the radio crackles to life, "Masters, are you there?"
"Hello, Pete Evil here."
"Sam Evil here, why did you disturb us Mad Moderator Hien?"
"No, I don't want a new calling plan, I have a perfectly evil one that I'm extrememly happy with."
"Master Sam, there is a giant inflatable phallus hovering over our volcano."
"No, I don't want a new calling plan, take me off your list!" Click! (hangs up phone)
"Oh My God Mad Moderator Hien, that looks like..."
Drrrring, drrrrring... (phone rings again...)
"Yes Master Sam... It's our goodly arch enemies' The Isa's Martini Blimp."
"Hello? Pete Evil here."
"Dr. Greg here, Master Peter, your Island Mad Scientist/Consultant Extrodinaire. The Wocca-beast is loose, and there's a large inflatable wiener hovering precipitously over our volcanic opening."

Suddenly (and meanwhile)...

57. Posted by Hien (Moderator 3906 posts) 11y


I am laughing so loud that my colleagues are wondering what happened to me! Luckily my boss is not around.

Isa, I can read the first paragraph over and over again and still laugh. A good one there!

58. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 11y


59. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 11y

Damn! I had concocted a wonderful sub-plot for Hien! LOL!!

Brilliant stuff Isa.

60. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Quoting samsara2

Damn! I had concocted a wonderful sub-plot for Hien! LOL!!

Brilliant stuff Isa.

Go for it! I don't remember any rules dictating this thread, so Hien can have many identities and things going on.. Just ask Tway, she puts everyone where she wants them! And, if need be - things can be adjusted just like on TV - with their ever favorite "It Was Only A Dream Sequence". Works for them, might as well work here too!

Quoting Brendan


See B! Very useful shorthand. Now for the matching emoticon...

Quoting MattXIII

(Please get this ;) )

Did we get it?????

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