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61. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

Dang it, I forgot the rule about no eating breakfast while reading. Good god, a giant phallus... ! Isa, I have embarassed myself with world's loudest snort.

And yes, consistency is aparently not my strong point. But hey, what's a llama to do?

62. Posted by MattXIII (Full Member 272 posts) 11y

NO! You were meant to say:

HE'S BEHIND YOU!

Panto? anyone? no?

63. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Quoting MattXIII

NO! You were meant to say:

HE'S BEHIND YOU!

Panto? anyone? no?

Sorry Matt!!! Mr. Isa was sure you were going for the "Austin Powers" gag... He even put the DVD in to double-check the scene so we would get it right. (Where's Joel Grey when you need him!!!!!!!!! Guess he's too busy filming episodes of "Alias" to help us out here. Damn!)

64. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Quoting tway

And yes, consistency is aparently not my strong point. But hey, what's a llama to do?

Llama's don't earn enough to pay consistency editors - so they are on their own! (Llamas - not editors.)

65. Posted by areinstein (Travel Guru 2788 posts) 11y

Quoting isadora

While the action heats up on the volcano (nyuck, nyuck..)...

The submarine is listing badly to port, water pouring in though the broken port hole left by RO Brenda(n)'s leap of faith. While half the crew, including the partially clothed, satified galley wench, is busy bailing water - the remainder of the crew stands on deck, agog by the giant shadow creeping over the volcano. "Captain Cupcake, what is that over the volcano?" "I don't know, but it looks like a giant..." "Johnson, have you ever seen anything that big? It's got two huge..." "Balls, did any one remember to bring the beach balls? Holy Christ! That's the biggest..." "Dick, stop bailing and get up on deck. Wow, that looks like someone's..." "Privates, all Privates report below for bailing duty."

Hahahahaha...that was hilarious...Austin Powers! My favorite silliest movie of all times!!! I am still laughing...coffee came out of my nose. Yes, I should know the rule by now...when logging to TP, put down all foods and liquids...

66. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Quoting tway

Dang it, I forgot the rule about no eating breakfast while reading.

Quoting areinstein

Yes, I should know the rule by now...when logging to TP, put down all foods and liquids...

Some people just never learn from past mistakes!

67. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

(Apologies to Super Agent MattXIII of MI6 for not getting his panto reference. And, since no one had time, or inclination, or whatever, here goes the next chapter... Someone has to feed us. Come on people, we're only human and drinking rum... We can't be alone in this universe!!! But, it is Friday...)

We last left off at...

Meanwhile, and suddenly......
Thrashing fiercely toward the shore, RO Brenda(n) gasps for air, realizing that his feeble swimming skills are no match for the completely calm waters and the nearly 200 yard (45 km) distance to shore. His thoughts race through random images of his life......childhood, prom night, various lacivious sexual encounters, his parents, home, more sexual encounters, and his last really good juicy, rare, tasty, really, really juicy T-bone steak. After what seems like days, he finally reaches the sugar-like sands of Evil Island. Pulling himself upright, RO Brenda(n) discovers that the sand really doesn't taste like sugar - which he gave up years ago. Looking up, he notices Weapons Officer Daveh standing menacingly in front of him, with a 50mm machine cannon at the ready.... "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, do they Mr. Deserter?!"

Continuing in her attempt to escape this ever-evolving tale (silly girl!), Eve comes across a vast, inhospitable plain. Absentmindedly nibbling on the last 4 pounds (300 kg) of her magic mushroom stash, she beckons Phil and his durian friend, Precious, to speed it along. "Dammit Man, miles to go before we sleep!" Phil, still consideringing re-examining his toes one last time, tucks Precious into a pocket of his tattered cargo pants, "There my Precious. You will be safe in there. Quiet, we don't want anyone stealing you away, now do we..." Phil quickly responds, "Eve, wait for me! Hey, this doesn't look like Kansas any more?!"

Change of scenery...
Nikki, having caught up with the Wocca-beast just short of the lava-spewing volcano, shrieks... (Gelli grabs Dolly and ducks for cover) "Halt, foul mutant! What have you done with the Isa's, our only source of decent martinis in this hemisphere?" Turning on his shiny, black, polished-every-day-look-you-can-see-your-face-in-it boot heel, the huge beast exclaims, "Ha! She who seeks the everlasting well of martinis shall venture forth to find the Sacred Olive of Lost Souls." (Unless you are Mrs. Isa and then it is the Sacred ONION of Lost Souls.)
Nikki looks perplexed... "Gelli, have you the vaguest idea of what he just said?" Gelli: "Ask him about the Sacred BEER of Lost Souls, Nikki!"
Suddenly (yeah, again...)... And without warning, the sound of a cracking whip punctuates the air... "Back off Hertz Girl! The Wocca-beast is mine!!!!!" Clad in a leather "widowmaker", fish-net stockings, and Kenneth Cole thigh-high black leather stiletto boots (and black leather spiked collar), the Canukistani Vixen, Viv, stands menacingly poised. "Not so fast, CV Viv! I'm only here for the Isa's and I think... Oh yeah, Eve, who was lost somewhere back one page one! Have you seen her, by chance?"

(Okay people, work with us here...)

68. Posted by mtlgal (Full Member 1179 posts) 11y

Quoting isadora

Suddenly (yeah, again...)... And without warning, the sound of a cracking whip punctuates the air... "Back off Hertz Girl! The Wocca-beast is mine!!!!!" Clad in a leather "widowmaker", fish-net stockings, and Kenneth Cole thigh-high black leather stiletto boots (and black leather spiked collar), the Canukistani Vixen, Viv, stands menacingly poised. "Not so fast, CV Viv! I'm only here for the Isa's and I think... Oh yeah, Eve, who was lost somewhere back one page one! Have you seen her, by chance?"

Oh I like my grand entrance! Have no fear, Vivalicious is here! So who do I get to whip into submission? who? who? The suspense is killing me!

69. Posted by Sam I Am (Admin 5588 posts) 11y

Quoting isadora

"Dr. Greg here, Master Peter, your Island Mad Scientist/Consultant Extrodinaire. The Wocca-beast is loose, and there's a large inflatable wiener hovering precipitously over our volcanic opening."

"What??!!??" Pete shouts, and lifts his arms dangling his evil brother Sam high in the air.

"Put me down, put me down now you big brute" Sam yells from his lofty heights. "I might only be 30 cm (aka one foot) tall, compared to your 3 m (aka 9 foot), but you promised you'd stop chucking me about!".

"I'm sorry little Sam, it's just that those darn isas are up to it again and they have me upset"

"Ah, up to their martini drinking ways again huh? Evil brother Pete, I have an idea, put me on your shoulder and I'll whisper it in your ear"

(The evil mad scientist Pete eyes start gleaming with joy as his dwarf evil mad scientist brother Sam starts talking softly in his ear.... )

70. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

... back at the volcano (and apologies for any parallel universes created)...

Vixen Viv cracks her whip this way and that, demonstrating her get-up from all angles as she turns to knock duranis out of trees, Mrs. Isa's martini glass out of her hand, Gelli's sheep Dolly into the bushes, and Wocca's shinyer-than-shiny boot up over the canope and into the ocean.

"I say!" says Mr. Isa from his place under the Wocca's left (or is it right?) arm. "A little fiesty, aren't we?"

"Yup!" says our Vixen. "Did you see my whip-holder belt as I turned there? $12.99 at Winners."

"Sexy AND frugal!" Phil mumbles from under a bush, where he's hiding to protect his precious.

"Fee-fi-fo... oh, Wocca no remember no more," says our vllian. "Anyhow, Confucious say 'he who want to be rid of Wocca must appease volcano."

"But, how?" says Mrs. Isa. "And do pass me another martini, dear."

"A sacrifice!" says Nikki.

"Yes - what we need is...."

"A sacrifical 'virgin'!" shouts everyone, moving their eyes in unison over to our vixen.

"Did you say sacrificial virgin, or sacrificial 'virgin'?" she asks slowly.

"The latter," replies Nikki. "More options that way."

And with that, Dolly comes charging out of the bushes towards our vivacious Viv.

"No!" cries the vixen, tripping in her Kenneth Coles. "Not here! Not this volcano!"

"Whyever not this volcano?" asks Mr. Isa, sipping contently as he watches the excitement unfold.

"It's the cursed housefrau volcano! I'll...I'll...be forced to trade in my leather skirt and stilettos for a brown frock and, and, and... orthopedic shoes!!!"

...and still Dolly keeps charging...

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