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Girlfriend doesn't want to travel

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1. Posted by Unicornn (Budding Member 2 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

Hey all. I've been having the urge to travel since I'm 16. I secretly kept that with me. From all my life all the decision I'm making are going towards something about travelling. I dream of helping people, teaching to children in foreign countries. All in all, this trip in going to happen and that's the problem. I'm now 21 and I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and next year I'm planning going for a trip in SE asia, phillipines, India and Nepal.

Here's the situation:

My girlfriend won't come with me in any way. She doesn't like it she doesn't want to quit school for a year etc... she's been asking

- Why a year ? why not just 3 months I could come with you ?

- and I'm just like : it's something you can't understand, it's my dream, been dreaming of it forever and it's not the kind of travel you imagine, won't be staying in 5* hostels, I will sleep on the floor, or in people homes I don't care the goal is to make it last as long as possible and to meet all the amazing people around the world, it's not just vacancies where it's an all included.

- So then comes this argument: But your dream crushes my dreams which is building a life with you"

-and I'm just like : Yeah, but that dream can still be filled by someone else, and who says that we're gonna leave each others when I'm abroad let's just go with the flow and maybe after we're still gonna love each others ?

-and she's just like : No I love too much to do that we're never gonna be with each others again if you do that, and thanks for crushing my ream BTW

... ( Sometimes it just wants to make me bang my head on the wall ).

I just need some advice to either make her understands how I'm feeling or something that could help. This conversation has been going for around 4 month now and it's the same over and over.

2. Posted by Mattfozz27 (Budding Member 49 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

its a tough 1 for sure

i can only give my opinion based on how i would be if it was me in your situation

you are still young and in my opinion, you should live yours dreams whilst you can. you shouldn't let anything stop you from what you want to do.

i am currently saving for a 12-18 months rtw trip, im 32 and giving up my house and a very good job to go and do this. its a big risk, but imo its worth it. you only live once and you never no whats going to happen in the future

as long as you have some decent plans and funds to help your do what you want in that year then just go for it.

its tough like i said, but there are, and still will be plenty more girls out there. it may come down to choosing between your gf and your dream, and ultimately, only you can make that decision

this is just my opinion, and others may say different, just go with your heart

3. Posted by Andyf (Moderator 825 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

Well pretty much everyone on a travel forum will be supportive of your wish to travel.

This may not be the girl for you, or it could be a question of communication. I'd try to sit her down and discuss her supporting your dream, ask her to go through her objections, and see if there are ways you can reassure her.

It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you so much as a modified version of you, moulded to her requirements. If travel is part of you, it comes as part of the package. And if you are disagreeing now, you'll be disagreeing throughout your lives. You need to address it now. If she can be flexible and allow you to do your thing, you can salvage things.

Good luck.

4. Posted by LittleDragon (Budding Member 9 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

No relationship can really work if it means not following your dreams. Because you will always wonder what if, and part of you will always resent not being able to follow your heart. Also, if you plan on building a future with someone, you really need to have a shared vision of the future - if you really value travel and she doesn't, unless you are prepared to only do short trips, it doesn't seem like you are really ideal for each other. I could never be with someone who didn't see travelling as one of the most important experiences ever! Remember, this is your life, these are your choices, don't sacrifice your dreams.

5. Posted by Borisborough (Moderator 723 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

Have a look at this one:

There might be something there for you.

As Terry said on 108160, "Your story is not unique..."

[ Edit: Edited on 19-Apr-2016, at 15:40 by Borisborough ]

6. Posted by Peter (Admin 6189 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

You're on a travel forum, so we're all pretty keen on travel and the responses will mostly be in favor of travelling.

The idea that you will regret it forever if you don't follow your dream is possibly true.

But the flip-side is (as I said in the thread linked above) that you could also regret breaking up with this girl if you decide to go travelling.

There's no way for any of us to know the answer to that choice because ultimately it comes down to what you care about more - your girlfriend or your dream.

However... from your tone it pretty much sounds like you don't really care about her enough ("let's just go with the flow") to really make a compromise for her. Maybe that's just the way it came across in the post (only you can know if this is true), but if you genuinely don't care enough about the relationship that you're willing to just go with the flow, then in my opinion it's quite unfair on her to expect she might stick with you while you're off for a year. It certainly doesn't sound like you're committed to the long-term with her. If I'm not misreading your vibe, then maybe it's just time to recognise this relationship is not something you're committed to, be brave, and end it.

Good luck either way. And don't waste time regretting your choices whichever one you choose!

7. Posted by berner256 (Moderator 845 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

Peter makes some excellent comments.

I suspect there are two sides to this story, which makes it difficult. Why should she quit school for a year to follow a boyfriend overseas? She has to think of her life, and her dreams, too. Perhaps they can arrive at a compromise. She can travel with him for three months, as she seems willing to do, then return home for school. It doesn't have to be "all or nothing." Life is full of compromises. We can't always have everything we want.

I've met many people who traveled by themselves, with husbands or wives at home. They have an understanding. It's not unusual.

Finally, I repeat my longstanding belief that "caring and sharing" are important in travel and other aspects of life. So, if they want a lasting relationship -- and care for each other --- they should work it out. There's no need to abandon dreams, his or hers.

8. Posted by Unicornn (Budding Member 2 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

Wow I've got some really good answers, thank you all. I should definitely have a real talk with her about this. Maybe like Berner say, I'm starting to realise I don't care about her as I used to mainly because of what Andyf said :"It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you so much as a modified version of you, moulded to her requirements." ( which is pretty poetic by the way and really nicely said ).

Thanks all again :)

9. Posted by PatKeegan (Budding Member 7 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

Sorry for such a late reply my friend.

About the girlfriend problem, let me tell you - I had the same issue. Simple thing is because I wasn't with her for very long so things between us ended - which wasn't a bad thing!

Other than that, I'm starting to plan my first trip to Germany - only for 7 days but still a start!

Other than that mate, hope everything goes well with your travelling and with the girlfriend!

10. Posted by limdrew37 (Budding Member 15 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

Let's put it this way. Just like you the girlfriend has her own priorities too. I think you can always follow or achieve your dream to travel in many countries even without her. I understand that you want to be with your girlfriend when exploring different countries but you have to understand also that maybe she's not yet comfortable to travel as of this time. You want real adventure but she's not ready for it so respect her and start making your dream come true.