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Why beer is better than women....

Travel Forums Off Topic Why beer is better than women....

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1. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football.
5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a Beer with your friends.
18. You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
25. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
26. You can't catch social diseases from a Beer.
27. When you're interrupted by a beer, it's for a good reason.
28. A beer is always satisfying.
29. A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
30. A beer won't tell you it's pregnant for fun.
31. A beer doesn't have in-laws.
32. No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.
33. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.
34. All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.
35. Beer doesn't complain about farting.
36. The only thing a beer tells you is when it's time to go to the bathroom.
37. You are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party.
38. It's okay to leave a party with a different beer than you arrived with.
39. Beer won't drive you to drink.
40. You can shoot a beer.
41. A beer chaser is easy to catch.
42. You don't need a license to live with a beer.
43. A tree is good enough for a beer.
44. Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.
45. Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
46. Beer and Ice don't mix.
47. Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation.
48. Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.
49. Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.
50. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.
51. Beer never complains about the wet spot.
52. You can put all your old beers in one room, and they won't fight.

2. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

The rebuttal...;)

Why cucumbers are better than men....
The Average cucumber is at least six inches long

Cucumbers stay hard for a week

A Cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't count

Cucumbers don't get too excited

A Cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety

Cucumbers are easy to pick up

You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take one home

Cucumbers can get away any weekend

With a Cucumber you can get a single room......and you won't have to check in as Mrs Cucumber

A Cucumber will always respect you in the morning

You can go to a movie with a Cucumber and see the movie

At a Drive-In you can stay in the front seat

A Cucumber can always wait until you get home

A Cucumber won't eat all the Popcorn......or send you out for milk duds

A Cucumber won't drag you out to a John Wayne film festival

A Cucumber won't ask "Am I the first"

Cucumbers don't care if your a virgin

Cucumbers won't tell anyone your not a virgin anymore

With Cucumbers you don't have to be a virgin more than once Cucumbers don't have sex hang-ups

Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with boots on

Cucumbers aren't into rope and leather, talking dirty or swinging with fruits and nuts

You can have as many Cucumbers as you can handle

You only eat Cucumber when you feel like it

Cucumbers never need a round of applause

Cucumbers won't ask: Am I the best How was it Did you cum, how many times

Cucumbers aren't jealous... of your gynecologist, ski instructor, or hair dresser

A Cucumber won't want to join your support group

Cucumbers aren't into meaningful discussions

Cucumbers won't ask about your last lover..or speculate about the next one

A Cucumber will never make a scene because there are other Cucumbers in the refrigerator

A Cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over

No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh Cucumber

Cucumbers can handle rejection

A Cucumber won't pout if you have a headache

A Cucumber won't care what time of the month it is

A Cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet

A Cucumber won't give it up for lent

With a Cucumber you never have to say your sorry

Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow

Cucumbers can stay up all night...and you don't have to sleep on a wet spot

Afterwards a Cucumber won't: want to shake hands and be friends say "I'll call you a cab tell you he's not the marrying kind tell you he is the marrying kind call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist take you to confession

Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month

A Cucumber won't make you go to the drugstore

Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them

A Cucumber a day keeps the OB-Gyn away

A Cucumber won't work your crossword puzzle in ink

A Cucumber isn't allergic to your cat

With a Cucumber, you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the flu season

Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car

A Cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor

A Cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library

Cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest

A Cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray

Cucumbers won't leave hair in the sink or a ring in the tub

Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor

A Cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet

A Cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while your taking a shower

With a Cucumber the toilet seat is always the way you left it

Cucumbers don't compare you to a Centerfold

Cucumbers can't count to ten

Cucumbers don't tell you they liked you better with long hair

A Cucumber will never leave for: another woman another man another Cucumber

A Cucumber will never call and say "I have to work late, Honey," and then come home smelling like another woman

A Cucumber never snaps your bra, pinches your butt, or gives you a wedgie

You always know where your Cucumber has been

A Cucumber never has to call "the wife"

Cucumbers don't have mid-life crisis

A Cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun

Cucumbers don't play the guiter and try to find themselves

You won't find out later that your Cucumber: is married is on penicillin likes you, but loves your brother

A Cucumber doesn't have softball practise on the day you move

Cucumbers never tell you what they did on R and R

A Cucumber won't ask for a transfer just when you're up for a promotion

Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do

A Cucumber won't wear a leisure suit to your office christmas party

You don't have to wait till half time to talk to your Cucumber

A Cucumber won't take you to a disco and dump you for a flashy outfit

Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom

A Cucumber doesn't care if you always spend the holidays with your family

A Cucumber won't ask to be put through med school

A Cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually

Cucumbers never expect you to have little Cucumbers

Cucumbers don't say,"let's keep trying until we have a little boy."

A Cucumber won't insist the little cukes be raised Catholic, Jewish or Orthodox Vegetarian

It's easy to drop a Cucumber

A Cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything

3. Posted by klangeluk (Full Member 146 posts) 11y

hahaha nice one

4. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

You can also take a cucumber back to the supermarket for a refund it it turns out they're bruised, used, past date, or just rotten. No questions asked!

5. Posted by Reece Sanford (Travel Guru 1368 posts) 11y

Quoting CupCake

Why cucumbers are better than men....
The Average cucumber is at least six inches long (SIX INCHES IS THAT IT )

Cucumbers stay hard for a week (SO COULD I IF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT CC ;) )

You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take one home (MMM FONDLE AWAY THE THRILL OF GETTING CAUGHT IS GREAT)

Cucumbers won't leave hair in the sink or a ring in the tub (IVE GOT NO HAIR ANYWHERE ;) )

6. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Revival of the battle of the sexes !!

Bet no one out there could do a list as to why
1 - women are better than beer
or
2 - men are better than the cold cucumber

7. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

Quoting Jase007

Revival of the battle of the sexes !!

Bet no one out there could do a list as to why
1 - women are better than beer
or
2 - men are better than the cold cucumber

One can always microwave a cucumber.

8. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Well T, looks like that is your only option ;)

9. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

10. Posted by mim (Travel Guru 1276 posts) 10y

Women are better than beer because:

1. they can make a good joke
2. they have breasts
3. they won't make you feel worse when your down, they'll try and make you feel better.
4. they give good hugs :)
5. they're nice to look at (generally)
6. they won't go flat after half an hour.
7. They are a more attractive colour than p1ss brown
8. they come in more sizes than half and pint
9. you don't have to refrigerate them for a couple of hours before enjoying them.

need I go on...?

men are better than cucumbers because:

1. they come in more attractive shades than green.

thats all I could be bothered to come up with at the moment...men in general are not my favourite topic at present...

m