A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.
This is a major breakthrough, since women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Love it hahaha!
Two guys are pushing their shopping trolleys around a store when they collide.
The first guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going".
The second guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate".
The first guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like"?
The second guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, big breasts and is wearing short shorts and a tank top. What does your wife look like"?
The first guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
I'll be using that one next time I'm out with the lads...lol
Quoting flo jo
it´s not funny at all
Come on flo, you know it is hehe
Aging Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
HAHAHA! (Though it took me a few seconds to figure it out.....errrghhhhh)
Since it's the weekend, here is another:
An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
So a guy does to the doctor to get a check up. an hour later the doctor comes back with the results.
"Im so sorry to tell you this sir, but it appears you have cancer and alzhiemers."
the man throws his head back in relief. "Oh thank god i don't have cancer."
"Daddy, daddy there's a man at the door with a bill"
"Don't be silly son its a duck with a hat on"