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Joke of the day.

Travel Forums Off Topic Joke of the day.

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141. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

mikeyBoab works ;)

142. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 10y

Here's a terrible one for the Irish (and possibly English).

Did you hear the one about the midget who walked into a brothel? He got a box in the face!

If you don't get it just tell it to your local Irish man and watch the reaction.

143. Posted by Rraven (Travel Guru 5924 posts) 10y

Quoting Jase007

mikeyBoab works ;)

Winner of Joke of the decade !!

144. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 10y

Jase007 6th Jul 06, 07:27
mikeyBoab works

I do not. I just sit here and get paid.

145. Posted by Jennifer G (Budding Member 725 posts) 10y

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all some questions...

Teacher: "Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
Davy: "It goes moo, miss"

Teacher: "Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
Alice: "It goes meow, miss"

Teacher: "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Alice: "It goes baaa, miss"

Teacher: "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
Jennifer: "Errr.., it goes.. click!?!"

146. Posted by Rraven (Travel Guru 5924 posts) 10y

Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not
standard
practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard,
deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on
your
Dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" -- get it
through
your head we're bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel
particularly
obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 -- "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls
-
if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my ! Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me
I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards
is
highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the
future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about
the
origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good
at
it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the
protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs
often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
sympathize
or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to
"kiss
it good morning."

A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find
someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
than
licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to
you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful
I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the
only
way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need
all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the
short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a Dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good! you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now,
but
when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be
"sound asleep."

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your
face, now will you?

147. Posted by Jennifer G (Budding Member 725 posts) 10y

It was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher was trying to get to know her students.

"What did you do this summer?" the teacher asked Suzie.

"Me and my family went to the beach a lot," Suzie answered.

"That sounds like fun," said the teacher. "How about you, Emma? What did you do this summer?"

"Me and my family rode our bikes together."

"That sounds lovely," said the teacher. She continued with all her pupils until she got to shy Mikey in the corner of the room.

"What did you do this summer, Mikey?"

"Nothing," the boy responded timidly.

"Did you do anything with your family?" the teacher asked, trying to draw Mikey out.

"Yes."

"Did you go to the beach?"

"No."

"Did you ride bikes?"

"No, never!" the boy burst out. "We can never ride bikes together!"

"Why not?" said the shocked teacher.

"I don't know," explained Mikey, "but dad always said, when then mom and sis start 'cycling together', it's time to get the hell out of town."

148. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

Quoting Pardus

Did you hear the one about the midget who walked into a brothel? He got a box in the face!

Neal is laughing his head off and I still don't get it.

149. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 10y

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A wooly jumper.

150. Posted by abcdf (Full Member 557 posts) 10y

LOL. A wooly jumper. I am going to have to remember that one.

Oh and I dont get the box in the face and a midget. I just cant get around that one.

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