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Joke of the day.

Travel Forums Off Topic Joke of the day.

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221. Posted by marlis (Travel Guru 1167 posts) 10y

hi Jase 007

you made my day,more please
Marlis

222. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 10y

There are ten types of people in this world - those who understand binaries and those who don't.

223. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

March is the anniversary of Albert Einstein's birthday. He was born March 14, 1879.
Few remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.
He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed.
He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection.
It was called Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty

224. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but only "down under."

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY ARE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But then they go they
take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch . . .

225. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death, can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

226. Posted by marlis (Travel Guru 1167 posts) 10y

Wow Jase,
where do you find all this great jokes??
I like am VERY much,my belly hurts me,tears in my eyes...........

Marlis, who feels sorry for poor skunky

227. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Three little ducks go into a Bar..............................

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi,and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles."

228. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Water vs. Wine

WATER
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in faeces: in other words, we are consuming
1 kilo of poop.

WINE
We do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, vodka, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting. Thus:

WATER = Poop
WINE = HEALTH

FREE YOURSELF OF POOP ... DRINK WINE

It is better to drink wine and talk sh*t than it is to drink water and be full of sh*t.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I am doing it as a public service and because I have a kind heart

229. Posted by marlis (Travel Guru 1167 posts) 10y

I dont drink water,
because fish f...in it !;)

Marlis

By the way,I had a duck,her name was sweety.When she was old enough I got a duck man for her.
He was a real sex maniac.Sweety came many times to me to hide at my office.The best was when I hoerd one of my flamingos making strange noises.
The sex maniac had him/her on the ground,sitting on top of this poor flamingo and tried to f...this bird.
That was really to much so I put him in "Prison"

Marlis

230. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin
next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black
eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love
you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks
"Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, you tart, I'm married!'"

Broken furniture $85.26
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Red Rose bud $3.00
Two Aspirins $0.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless...

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