My Pay rise ha ha ha
My Pay rise ha ha ha
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'
ok it's not that much of a joke
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster
and ten hens
he kept in the hen house behind the church.
One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about cock fights in the village,
so he questioned his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation,
'Has anybody got a cock?'
All the men stood up
'No, no', he said,'that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock?'
All the women stood up.
He said,'that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?'
Half the women stood up.
he said,'that wasn't what I meant.
Has anybody seen
MY cock?' Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
The priest fainted.
A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant
one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.
The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked,
"Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him. The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat." The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there? The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door. Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door. Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.
The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ...
I'm collecting disability!
Chemistry Teacher: ‘‘Can you give me the formula for water?’’
Chemistry Teacher: ‘‘Where did you get an idea like that?’’
Student: ‘‘You told us the other day it was H to O.’’
One day a woman comes across a lamp. She rubs it and out pops a genie who gives her three wishes. "But first" says the genie "I must warn you that whatever you wish for, your husband will receive three times over".
The woman thinks for a moment and agrees. "For my first wish, I would like to be the most beautiful woman in the world."
The genie replies "Are you sure, because your husband will be three times better looking than you?"
"That's ok" says the woman "Because I will be the most beautiful woman in the world, so he will only have eyes for me."
"Very well, your wish is granted" says the genie "What is your second wish?"
"I'd like to be the richest woman in the world" replies the woman.
"Are you sure," says the genie "because your husband will be three times richer than you?"
"That's ok," the woman says "because what's his is mine and what's mine is his."
"Very well, your wish is granted. And what is your final wish?" asks the genie.
The woman replies "I'd like a minor heart attack."
An elephant asked a camel "why do you have 2 boobs on your back?"
The camel replied: "Thats a pretty dumb question coming from someone with a dick on his face"
Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of
The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up
"All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?"
"Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have
Two chaps were standing at the lights in the CBD.
The first fellow said to his friend, "I say, isn't that Hortense over there?"
His mate replied, "Oh, I dunno, she looks pretty relaxed to me."
A guy wants to visit a prostitute. He asks around but all of them say it is like 100 dollar.
He says it's too much and he wants to know if there is some place where it is cheaper.
Oh yes, says one of the prostitutes, just go a few blocks further and ask over there, they are around 35 dollar and you even get a free drink!
So the guys walks two blocks and asks at another prostitute if she does it for 35 dollar. Yes she said, no problem. But I have to say I don't have a clitoris. Oh, that's no problem, the guys says, a beer will do just fine.
[ Edit: Edited on 08-May-2010, at 15:17 by Utrecht ]