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Joke of the day.

Travel Forums Off Topic Joke of the day.

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671. Posted by TOBY TYKE (Budding Member, 86 posts) 26 Aug '11 11:36

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from whence there came a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.

Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more broadly, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on it's head!"
;)

672. Posted by TOBY TYKE (Budding Member, 86 posts) 27 Aug '11 11:13

Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the woman attempted to put an end to it by arousing his jealousy.

"What would you say if I told you that I've been sleeping with your best friend?" she asked provocatively.

"Well," he mused, "I'd say that you're a lesbian."

673. Posted by beerman (Moderator, 1631 posts) 28 Aug '11 07:52

A South African, an Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Kiwi, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Canadian walk into a bar.
The bouncer says, "Sorry, guys: I can't let you in without a Thai."

674. Posted by Utrecht (Moderator, 5555 posts) 29 Aug '11 13:27

Quoting beerman

A South African, an Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Kiwi, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Canadian walk into a bar.
The bouncer says, "Sorry, guys: I can't let you in without a Thai."

Hilarious!

675. Posted by ttt1 (Budding Member, 3 posts) 31 Aug '11 09:55

It is not a strong joke at all.

676. Posted by TOBY TYKE (Budding Member, 86 posts) 13 Sep '11 14:30

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a good-looking woman and starts looking at his watch. The woman notices this and asks him if his date is late. "No," he replies. "I've just got this new state-of-the-art watch and I was just about to test it."

"What does it do?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me."

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing a bra or panties."

"Ha! Well it must be broken then, because I am!"

"Darn thing must be an hour fast."

677. Posted by Peter (Admin, 5465 posts) 16 Sep '11 03:26

Jim and Joe are out hiking in the forest, when in the distance, they see a huge bear. The bear notices them, and begins angrily running toward them. Jim calmly checks the knots of his shoes and stretches his legs.

Joe asks incredulously, "What are you doing? Do you think you can outrun that bear!?"

Jim replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."

678. Posted by james (Travel Guru, 4124 posts) 20 Sep '11 16:39

An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks in a bar and Jill, (the Australian barmaid) takes his order 1 pint of Fosters and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for the dirty deed. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again orders another fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees. This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But this night he just orders his fosters and goes and sits in the corner.

Jill (a little disappointed) thinks that maybe she should show him more attention, and maybe she can skank some cash out of him so she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne.
"So am I..." she says."...What suburb in Melbourne?"
"Glen Iris" he says.
"That's amazing..." she says, "...so am I - what street?"
"Cameo Street" he says.
"This is unbelievable..." she says, ..what number?"
He says "Number 20" and she is astonished.
"You are not going to believe this..." she says, "...I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says "...your dad gave me $1,000 to give to you!"

He who drinks Australian - thinks Australian!

679. Posted by beerman (Moderator, 1631 posts) 25 Sep '11 08:00

A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, 'Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.'
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient: 'Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.'
Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, 'All right buddy what's your name?'
'Fred,' the cowboy moaned.
'Where ya from, Fred?' asked the Ranger.
With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied.... "the balcony..."

680. Posted by Peter (Admin, 5465 posts) 30 Sep '11 15:16

What do you get if you cross an atheist, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.