i am pritty new to this website but i havn't seen a joke thread yet, i apologise if there is one and i havn't found it
jus thought it would be good to hear some jokes from around the globe!
ill start it off
Some medical students were having their first class with a real corpse. The professor began "As a doctor,it is necessary to have two qualities. The first is you must not be disgusted by the human body". For an example, the professor stuck his finger in the corpse's arse, then stuck his finger in his mouth. "Do the same", he said. The students freaked, but eventually took turns. when everyone had finished, the professor said "The second most important quality is observation.I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.Now learn to pay attention"
here some cornies:
why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side.
how does an egg roll?
you push it.
i also know some blond jokes:
why do blonds have dimples?
(point finger in cheek and say) i donno.
ok. i use to know blond jokes. enjoy.
Or a new one ............
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The store owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this
bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for
it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,"New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really
not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the
situation, considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith."
Can anyone tell a joke here?
Can anyone tell a joke here?
Nope, but we can type them
Are you sure that Sam wont send me another message and tell me where to go?
You two girls are alright
In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements.
As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.
He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows: "RETURNED UNOPENED"