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Travel Buddy Conflicts

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1. Posted by wplemon35 (Full Member 45 posts) 11y

Here is the situation.

My best friend and I were planning a 6 week to 2 month trip to Europe next May. I told him to count on a budget of $5000.00 (US) and to start saving. This was a month ago. Recently he has wanted to shorten the trip down to 30-35 days, due to "it being to expensive." He currently has about $5000.00 in the bank and has no real expenses. I currently have $1500.00 in the bank (owe $8000.00 in tuition and other expenses) I will make the money to go on this trip because I have never been out of the counrty and I fear I will not be able to go later due to school, work, and other b/s. I feel that if I allow the trip to be shortened then he will continue to shorten it.

To add to the mix he just started dating some girl, and he has been to Europe before.

Any suggestions????

Thanks,
Chris

2. Posted by AlexT (Respected Member 245 posts) 11y

The way I see it, regardless of how long he wants to or can afford to stay, this is a big opportunity for you personally and you should stay as long as you want. If your friend wants to shorten his trip then thats his loss. You should stay as long as you want to and have the time of your life. Travelling in Europe solo is not a problem at all and you wont have a problem finding company along the way. Just do what you want to do and dont worry too much about what he is doing. I can relate to your anxiety about other things interfering with travel further down the track as I work full time and study full time. Perhaps with regard to your friend, when this girl is no longer on the scene, maybe he might want a longer trip..

3. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 11y

This sort of thing gets me angry.

Is your friend committed or not? Does he really want to go away or are his plans (and hence your plans) dependant on external factors? Who is in control of your plans; you guys or his new girlfriend?

Don't let your friend "water down" your plans. If you allow this to happen even before you go, you might find him wanting to continue changing your plans when you are away.

Stick to your guns and don't budge whatsoever. Travel is too rich an experience to be treated in such a wishy washy fashion.

I've been in this situation, and let me tell you, if worse comes to worse, you are much better of going alone than going along with someone who's heart isn't quite in it (and who is going to spend their trip whinging about money, missing his girlfriend, etc).

4. Posted by wplemon35 (Full Member 45 posts) 11y

I completely agree with th posts above. But, what should I say to him? I thing it is still too early to tell how much mone I will have and that will determine the length of the trip. So I have no arguement, really.

hmmmm...

5. Posted by joey22 (Travel Guru 561 posts) 11y

i think you should just keep your head down, keep working and saving and when it comes nearer to the crunch time sit and have a big chat with your friend. that way you will know exactly how much money you have and how long you want to travel for. basically then you can lay your cards on the table and say "this is what i plan to do, are you in or not?" if your friend says yes then that's cool. if his girlfriend is causing you guys grief, or he simply doesn't want to go anymore, he will probably say no. in which case, GO SOLO!

i have travelled through most of europe and love it. i have met so many amazing people along the way and reckon that solo travel in europe is the way forward! by the way, poland and hungary are really fascinating, and spain is my favourite european country by far!

hope you sort your trip out and have a great time!

all the best

joey:)

6. Posted by snatterand (Travel Guru 454 posts) 11y

Quoting james

This sort of thing gets me angry.

There's really no need to be angry about anything, since nothing bad has happened yet. Though, I have to say that travelling together with a friend that hasn't got the same ideas about the journey is a really good way to lose that friend. Don't make your friend come with you if you're not really sure that he is keen on the same kind of trip as you are.

Quoting james

I've been in this situation, and let me tell you, if worse comes to worse, you are much better of going alone than going along with someone who's heart isn't quite in it (and who is going to spend their trip whinging about money, missing his girlfriend, etc).

James, you make it sound as a bad thing to travel alone! Come on, it's the best you can do!!! You meet so many people you hadn't met otherwise, and you seem to get involved in the most unexpected and exciting situations all the time!!! As soon as there are two (or more) of you travelling together the whole situation changes, you are suddenly a solid unit and other people are less likely to approach. Sad but true. I love travelling alone!!!

Chris: first of all make sure that you really want your friend to come! I lost a good friend will travelling together because we couldn't really agree on basic stuff such as budget, type of accomodation, activities, etc. and she simply refused to compromise. Maybe it's better to go away alone and still be friends when you get back...

7. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Chris - you are not leaving until May... Much can change in that amount of time, including you friend's financial situation and his new girlfriend. I also do agree with several of the comments made above.

Personally, I would not mention it at this time, it's a bit too early unless you are ready to book your tickets. If your friend wants to discuss it, then by all means, do so. Shortening the trip is an option, just not yours. It's not something that should fuel a dispute between you as long as you are rational during the conversation.

My outlook harkens to Alex's response. One option is to travel for the first 30 days with your friend and spend the remainder of the time going solo. If this is not agreeable to him, then maybe he isn't the travel companion with whom you should share this particular adventure. Knowing that you are going to take full advantage of the original timetable, may spur him on to follow suit. If not, point out that he will have your company for the time he's willing to travel and you will get him to the airport in time for the flight home. But, that you will also be finishing the trip you had in mind - and you'll send him post cards from the road.

Right now, his finances are not your main concern - yours are. It will take a bit more planning, but consider working out the trip as a split deal. Have a workable itinerary ready for when you do discuss the matter. As with most companions, there are things you will want to see and do that are not high on his list. Maybe arrange those things for the end of your solo travels. But have something in mind that you think will be agreed upon and keep both of you friends.

Yes, I realize what I'm saying means you may have to do a bit more work on your own initially. Is the friendship worth the effort? Is taking the trip you want to take worth the effort? The more you put into it, the more this experience will be your own - with or without your friend. And, keep a cool head when you finally get to the "nuts and bolts" talking stage. Calm rationale works wonders for diffusing heated arguments about stick subjects.

Good luck!!!!

[ Edit: Fixed typo ]

8. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 11y

Quoting snatterand

Quoting james

This sort of thing gets me angry.

There's really no need to be angry about anything, since nothing bad has happened yet. Though, I have to say that travelling together with a friend that hasn't got the same ideas about the journey is a really good way to lose that friend. Don't make your friend come with you if you're not really sure that he is keen on the same kind of trip as you are.

Quoting james

I've been in this situation, and let me tell you, if worse comes to worse, you are much better of going alone than going along with someone who's heart isn't quite in it (and who is going to spend their trip whinging about money, missing his girlfriend, etc).

James, you make it sound as a bad thing to travel alone! Come on, it's the best you can do!!! You meet so many people you hadn't met otherwise, and you seem to get involved in the most unexpected and exciting situations all the time!!! As soon as there are two (or more) of you travelling together the whole situation changes, you are suddenly a solid unit and other people are less likely to approach. Sad but true. I love travelling alone!!!

Chris: first of all make sure that you really want your friend to come! I lost a good friend will travelling together because we couldn't really agree on basic stuff such as budget, type of accomodation, activities, etc. and she simply refused to compromise. Maybe it's better to go away alone and still be friends when you get back...

Snatterland, you have mis-read my comments. It's certainly not a bad thing to travel alone, I've done it many times. I mean it's a bad thing to have your travel plans with your best friend messed up. It can be tempting to still go with that friend, but my advice was to go alone.

9. Posted by snatterand (Travel Guru 454 posts) 11y

Quoting james

Snatterland, you have mis-read my comments. It's certainly not a bad thing to travel alone, I've done it many times. I mean it's a bad thing to have your travel plans with your best friend messed up. It can be tempting to still go with that friend, but my advice was to go alone.

Yeah, I know, I actually think that we meant almost the same thing... That's exactly my point too!!! Just wanted to make it clear to Chris. Sorry about that!!!:)

//Susanna

10. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 11y

Like Snatterand, I also lost a friend after travelling around some of Europe for a few weeks. For two ppl who spent a lot of time hanging out together at home, it was like we didnt know each other once we went travelling together!

In hindsight, maybe we werent as good friends as we thought we were.....and the trip was a bit of an enlightenment really.

I cant say it was his fault, he cant say it was mine. We just didnt travel well together, and when we got home it was difficult for things to go back to the way they were before we left.

Maybe your friend isnt as committed as you to this trip, and he's finding it hard to tell you, or maybe at this early stage he's just a bit unsure of what he wants and he's waiting until a little closer to the time to make his decision.

Like everyone else said, if I was you I'd make my own plans, sort out my own finances, and plan as if you were going solo...then if youre friend does decide to come along, all the better! If he doesnt, go anyway! Travelling around Europe solo is effortless and great fun.

If you let your friend do what he's comfortable with without compromising your own plans too much, everyone wins. And I bet once he gets to Europe he'll be trying to lengthen the trip as much as possible.;)