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21. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 11y
  • waves a little paper Canadian flag*
22. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

Quoting Q_Zhang

I think we'll leave you George W. and the pentagon. We wanna win this war remember.

Ohhh...so you want to play dirty hey?
;)

23. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 11y

Quoting CupCake

Quoting Q_Zhang

I think we'll leave you George W. and the pentagon. We wanna win this war remember.

Ohhh...so you want to play dirty hey?
;)

...from far and wide, Oh Canada....

24. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Oh Canada, Oh Canada... We will not ever surrender....

That's okay - you leave Bush with us. Just remember, when he starts drilling for oil in your backyard, and screws you on the mineral rights, he will be your leader too.

CC, have that needle and thread ready so we can start adding those new stars to the red, white and blue???

Quick! Someone grab that mutant beaver...

25. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 11y

Today on CBC, Paul Martin made a public address. He is tired of fighting over soft-wood and mad-cows. He has issued a warning to the United States. Join us, or face the wrath of our Marijauna Party.

He had Ralph Klein draw a draft of how you will be meshed into Canadian life. The area coloured in pink will be the new nation of the "United States of Canada". We must forgive King Ralph for making a vital error in his representation of the new nation. We of course will include Alaska and Hawaii. The other areas, noted in green, will be yours to plunder as you see fit.

26. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Beerman here... (and remember, this is for humors' sake alone...)

In the immortal paraphrased words of Leo G. Carroll in The Treasure of the Sierrs Madre....

Plunder? Ha, we don't need no stinkin' plunder!!!

SO, I see that the map has been "altered"..... HA, I say, HA. Little do you know that we have contacted the good people at Rand MacNally and they are at this moment re-drawing your little bit of territory into one massive United States of Most of America (we'll work on Mexico later...so far they are not hostile). In the future, you Northerners will be referred to as "The Northerners", and will have limited rights to go about your business. It will be decreed that each of your (our) provinces will come under the dictates of the newly created "Department of Northerners", which will be charged with pacification of the new States.
The new States will of course need new names...
The Maritimes......"Cold Waters"
Quebec................"Snailville"
Ontario................"South Shore" (of Hudson Bay)
Manitoba............."ManLand"
Saskatchewan......"Chewie"
Alberta................"Alabamerta"
BC......................."Just Columbia"
Yukon................."East Alaska"
NW Territories....."Ice Village"
Nunavut.............."Summerland"

Any others that I missed will simply be dissolved into neighboring States.

Now that the beavers and moose and hockey players have been dealt with, it is time to unleash our SECRET WEAPON of MASS DESTRUCTION..........NASCAR!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......and sloth. If there is anything Americans are good at, it's sloth.

So, ready to surrender yet? NO? Don't think we won't bring baseball back to you Northerners. Soon, you be lining up and walking around like the zombies in Night of the Living Dead. Without the "brains" part.

And since we're on the subject of health care........forget it. No more for you. We won't be sending anymore senior citizens North to buy prescription drugs. We won't have to. We'll simply send you the drugs cheap, then bring them back to the South at overly inflated prices. Problem solved. The American Way.

And about all that snow..........it will have to become well-groomed so all of our snowmobiles and four-wheelers will have more room to roam. Screw the buffalo.

Your new orders are in the mail. Heed them, you Northerners.

End transmission

27. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 11y

The thought of Nascar, baseball and Alabamerta make me shiver... :(

We will never surrender Beerman, we don't be the pushovers that the world thinks we are.

28. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 11y

Quoting Isadora

Now that the beavers and moose and hockey players have been dealt with, it is time to unleash our SECRET WEAPON of MASS DESTRUCTION..........NASCAR!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......and sloth. If there is anything Americans are good at, it's sloth.

Must....resist....mind-numbing....baseball...& NASCAR.....

I see your nation has no respect for the law and has broken the Anti-Sloth Proliferation Treaty (ASPT) of 1845 and have amassed a large supply of Weapons of Slothiness Destruction (WSD). You may have delt a strong blow to our people and economy, but never fear, our red coated Mounties (hmm...weren't we wearing red coats when we burned the White House?) will round up the slothish Yankies (SY) clogging our highways, water supplies and bar entrances with promises of free nachos and good strong Canadian ales (GSCA) (useful stuff that is...)!! We're not out of the fight yet!!

What's this!!!....are those mutant beavers (nasty buggers) trying to eat their way out of the hockey arena detention centers (HADC) ?????

29. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Lest we forget that Paul Martin's great-grandfather urinated on the original Anti-Sloth Proliferation Treaty (OASPT) during the signing ceremony in Quebecistan. It was this pivotal moment that gave our American forefather's their deep and profound distrust of plaid. This was the beginning of the massive build-up of Weapons of Slothiness Destruction (WSD).

Fast forward 80 years...

Having amassed an enormous stockpile of WSDs, the ingenious Americans invented the internal combustion engine, followed immediately by the oval racetrack and the baseball diamond. Early pioneers brought forth weak beer and the ominpresent term "eh", as in "Eh! Grab me another brewski, eh!" (Later stolen by northern red-shirted mongrels in horseback...)

As for burning the Whitehouse, that's a myth. The Whitehouse was never burned. We just wanted you to think you had succeeded. In reality, ingenious American artists painted an enormous mural of a fire and hung it in front of the Whitehouse. (Besides, Canuckistani's had not yet discovered fire...)

Nachos - graciously given to the Americans by the Swiftly Conquered Mexicans (SCM) after our stratigically planned mock loss at the Alamo.

Beer - HA!!! Do we have German immigrants, or do we have GERMAN IMMIGRANTS (GIs). Enough said.

These are FACTS. It says so in our school books.

(Tag! You're it, Northern Swine (NS)!)

30. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 11y

Must....resist....slothiness....mind so full...of sitcoms....and infomercials.....

Quoting Isadora

Beer - HA!!! Do we have German immigrants, or do we have GERMAN IMMIGRANTS (GIs). Enough said.

I just KNEW there was another reason for the D-Day landings!!!

You'll never get OUR beer making secrets ! NEVER I tell you !! Every Canuck will defend our beer mines to the death !

These are FACTS. It says so in our school books.

(Tag! You're it, Northern Swine (NS)!)

Your American propaganda is so EVIL! But can we expect any better from the people who faked the moon landings, the visions of Mary at Fatima, and Madagascar (we all know Madagascar is just a big piece of paper mache, right)......

Right back at you, you Silly-Southern-Spotted-Single-Spined-Simian-Software-Signifier (SSSSSSSS)

Mutant Beavers RULE !!