Skip Navigation

If you met God, what would you ask him?

Travel Forums Off Topic If you met God, what would you ask him?

Page

Last Post

51. Posted by GODSPA (Budding Member 6 posts) 10y

God's PA here: it's just come to our notice (omnipotence not working as well as it should!) that this thread is under way. We woundered when you might ask "why", rather than preaching the how, where, what and when. Frankly we were starting to wory about Earth (we've had much better luck with our experiemtyn on other planets). Well, we're not going to give you the answers out right - exam conditions and all that - but here are a few pointers: Consider the following statements:

Why Now, Like This?
Why War?,
Why Peace?, and ...
Why 2001: A Space Odyssey? (or indeed anything Kubrick has done)
Finally: Why not?

Answers please. And, keep them brief, you're not the only thread in the universe! And bear in mind, there's not much time left, so get scribbling.

Love and Peace: GPA

52. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

Wow - things must be going to hell in a handbasket if God has found the need for a personal assistant. But, I guess with his hands full - Jesus sitting on the right and the Holy Ghost sitting on the left - it's hard to get much done. What's next - Seraphims with cell phones?

Rrrrrring.... Rrrrrring....
Vatican: "Hello, College of Cardinals. How may I direct your call?"

Seraphim: "Please hold. God would like to speak to El Papa."

Vatican: "I'm sorry. Your call can not be completed as dial. Please hang up and try again."

Why Now, Like This? Because to err is human.
Why War? Because no one knits anymore.
Why Peace? Because everyone needs a vacation once in awhile.
Why 2001: A Space Odyssey? (or indeed anything Kubrick has done) Entertainment
Finally: Why not? Good question...

53. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

So the big man has a PA, you better tell him he does a shite job then

54. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

Oh! That's classic! Can we turn this into a kind of "Conversations with God" thread?

Rrrring...

Vatican: Pope's residence. Cardinal #6 speaking.
God: Hello, is the Pope there, please?
Vatican: I'm sorry, he's indisposed right now.
God: Can you take a message?
Vatican: Sure, let me just get a fountain pen. OK, shoot.
God: Can you ask him why the Vatican is filled with priceless artifacts while there are so many people-
Vatican: psshhht-psshhht.. I'm sorry, God, you're breaking up...psshhht-psshhht-we must have a bad connection...psshht-psshhht...please try again later...

55. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

Rrrrrring... Rrrrring... Rrrrring... Rrrrrring... Rrrrring... Rrrrrring... Rrrrrring... Rrrrring...

Seraphim to self: "The Vatican doesn't have an answering machine? Jeez! Pick up the phone already!!"

Rrrrring... Rrrrrring...

Vatican: "Hello, College of Cardinals. How may I direct your call?"

Seraphim: "It's a miracle!!!!"

Vatican: "A miracle? Please choose one of our options to report this event. Press 1 for Stigmata. Press 2 for Bleeding Statuary. Press 3 for Burning Bushes. Press..."

Seraphim: "No, you idiot! It's a miracle you actually decided to pick up the phone!"

Vatican: "Oh. Then how may I direct your call?"

Seraphim: "I have a message from God. Please tell the Pope that his credit card is maxed out and until we recieve payment, those new vestments will have to be placed on hold."

Vatican: "I'm sorry, you call can not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again."

Click...

56. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

57. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Rrrrrring... Rrrrring... Rrrrring... Rrrrrring... Rrrrring... Rrrrrring... Rrrrrring... Rrrrring...
Vatican: "Hello, College of Cardinals. Cardinal #68, How may I direct your call?"

Carpenter: "Finally!!!!
Cardinal #68, " no, it the vatican finally is St Peters gate"
Carpenter: "No, wait, look i've just had a tax audit",
Cardinal #68, "And you would like to make a tax deductable donation, thats very giving of you"
Capenter: "Well, no. It seems that you still owe for a cross"
Cardinal #68, "sorry sir we don't get crosses from you, they are all made in china these days - much cheaper"
Capenter: "Ahh, but this is a few years ago, one used about 1975 years ago, we never recieved payment for it".
Cardinal #68 " sorry , you have the wrong number that would be the jewish faith"
'Click'

58. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

Riiing...

Church of the Bleeding Heart and various other organs: Hello? How can we meet your prayer needs today?
Caller: Um, I'd like to report a miracle, please.
CBHVOO: I'm sorry, we only accept miracle claims by e-mail now.
Caller: Really?
CBHVOO: Yes, Father Fitz still hasn't lived down the Blessed Vagina typo.
Caller: Well, can I have your e-mail address, then?
CBHVOO: Sure! It's [email protected]
Caller: How long does it take to process a miracle?
CBHVOO: We're a bit backed up at the moment - say between 8 to 10 working days.
Caller: In the meantime, what do I do with the chunk of ice I found in the shape of St. Gertrude?
CBHVOO: Oh, that's a toughie. Better store it in the freezer.
Caller: My dog licked off part of her face by accident. Do you think it's still eligible?
CBHVOO: We'll have to see. We once gave the OK to a cheesy poof in the shape of St. Bartholemew that was accidentally stepped on. I'll see what I can do.
Caller: Thank you!
CBHVOO: Bless you, my son.

59. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

At the risk of hogging the thread...

Brrrring! Brrrring!

Vatican: Hello, Catholic Confession Hotline. How may we help you in your time of need?
Caller: Oh, Father. I've done a terrible thing!
Vatican: Yes, my child. What is it?
Caller: I had a double cheeseburger with all the trimmings for supper, and then I went back for two more.
Vatican: Yes?
Caller: Well, it's Friday!
Vatican: Oh, dear.
Caller: Am I damned for all eternity, Father? What can I do?
Vatican: Have you tried three Hail Marys?
Caller: Um, I'm a bit rusty...
Vatican: Give it a try, then.
Caller: Hail Mary, um... shave my face...
Vatican: Never mind, never mind. How about a Glory Be?
Caller: Never heard of it.
Vatican: My, my.
Caller: Father, please! I promise to stick to the fish fingers and fries from now on!
Vatican: Well, technically it's just past midnight on Saturday over here...
Caller: Oh! Does that absolve me?
Vatican: It's a technicality, but I don't see why not.
Caller: Thank you Father, thank you!
Vatican: Now go, my child, and sin no more.

60. Posted by RiverRuner (Budding Member 38 posts) 10y

You guys are TOTALLY irreverant. Which i find satiracly funny...