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If you met God, what would you ask him?

Travel Forums Off Topic If you met God, what would you ask him?

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91. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 10y

Brrriiiinnggg brrrriiinnngggg
Is Beerman: Hallloooo, Beermans House of Party Happy-Making For You and Catering, how are you to help me?
Is God: Beerman, Is God here. You are needing to make Party Happy for me. Many angels will be make coming to Cloud 9 Disco for party of Anniversary of Founding of Heaven.
Is Beerman: You is make joke with Beerman, yes? You are God?
Is God: Yes, Beerman, is no joke, is God. I am needing helps with beers selections for big party. What is go with angel hair pastas and divinity candies?
Is Beerman: Beerman is taken aback against wall, but I am can helps you. Why is you make angel hair pastas?
Is God: Uh, er, is kind of theme up here.
Is Beerman: Is weird, but OK. I am making suggestion of you to serve medium body lager with pastas so is you no overwhelm delicates of flavor. With candy, I am go with pale ale…is will bite right through sugars. What else is you got?
Is God: What is go with canapés of Heavenly Ham with sweet mustard on melbas toasts?
Is Beerman: Hmmm, I am thinking bock beers, is complement the sweet mustard.
Is God: Is good choice, Beerman. Now hows abouts for pickled thousands-years-olds eggs?
Is Beerman: I am thinking nothing. Is too gross even for Beerman. Say God, you needs any of this delivered? Beerman can wash and wax chest wig……
Is God: Is maybe, Beerman. You do any karaoke?
Is Beerman: Karaoke!! Beerman is was born for karaoke!!!!
Is God: Is good, OK. I send winged messenger to pick yous up next Fridays at 6.
Is Beerman: I am thanking you God. You are not being disappointed. But God, is question I am having….
Is God: Yes Beerman?
Is Beerman: Why is you are talk funny?

92. Posted by Purdy (Travel Guru 3546 posts) 10y

Ive just got one simple question for the big man/woman up there in the sky:

"Dear God, why do you make it rain on a bank holiday weekend?"

Heather

93. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

Quoting Purdy

Ive just got one simple question for the big man/woman up there in the sky:

"Dear God, why do you make it rain on a bank holiday weekend?"

Heather

Maybe he's pissed because he doesn't get bank holidays...

GODSPA - where are you???? So many questions to ask and no one to answer them... (Well, not with the same touch of humor!)

94. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

This fellow was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped. He grabbed a branch and was hanging there. After an hour or so passed, he was feeling exhausted. He looked up to the heavens and cried out: "God, help me, please, help me."

Suddenly the clouds parted and a deep voice resounded, "Let Go!"
The guy paused and looked up at heaven once more, and said: "Is there anyone else up there?"

95. Posted by strayalien (Budding Member 120 posts) 10y

i'd ask him who was the first to eat an egg and what the hell made them think it would be a good idea to eat something out of a chickens arse.

96. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 10y

Quoting strayalien

i'd ask him who was the first to eat an egg and what the hell made them think it would be a good idea to eat something out of a chickens arse.

To quote Dylan Moran: 'Eggs are just farts covered in substance...'

97. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".

The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"
After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes did you want on that bridge?

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