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Basic Etiquette 101

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1. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

The subject of dating etiquette (and just generally good manners) came up in a discussion between Pardus, Q_Zhang and myself. It became quite apparent very quickly that some basic "courtesies" have fallen by the wayside. We thought it might be interesting to get some input from everyone on what they consider good manners, and how they would like a date, dinner companion, or your boyfriend/girlfriend to act.

With that, I'll start with three things I mentioned to P&Q.

1) It is respectful for men to walk on the outside of the sidewalk (closest to traffic) and the woman on the inside. It sounds trivial but it is a very considerate act and women will appreciate it.

2) Open doors and let her go through them first. Open car and taxi doors for her. Actions like those say a lot. Mainly that she is important and not just one of the guys.

3) When in a restaurant, pull out the chair for her to sit first. If she is meeting you there and you arrive first, stand as she approaches the table, pull out the chair, then go back to your seat.

Okay - it's someone else's turn. What suggestions do you have and/or would like to see done for you?

2. Posted by moscowmetr (Full Member 267 posts) 10y

well indeed there is an etiqutte that was once protocol , and yes I think that it has gone by the wayside since alot of women dont realize it or otherwise think it generally cheesy.

The walking that the woman is always on the inside of the sidewalk away away from the street is I guess from old time days when carridges would shoot up water and such or in a sorta prtection case.

Women should always have the seat facing the restaurant.

When a woman returns from the bathroom irregardless of how long she was, never ask what took so long.

Always allow the woman to finish eating first, if she is slow take your time.

There is a whole book full of these type etiqutte.

3. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 10y

One more of many to come.....

When out on the town together, try not to stare at and ogle others. Don't flirt with other men or women (unless you're doing it together). The grass is not always greener.....

4. Posted by mim (Travel Guru 1276 posts) 10y

I agree with the not looking at the other women/men thing...

however, I would never expect the 'old style' chivalries like pulling a chair out, Its nice, but these are days of equality my friends and it is not seen as "de regueur" to do it! I think it's all a matter of politeness (being british I know all about this of course)...

anyway!

ummm what to do on a date. I think I shall put what NOt to do on a dat...

Don't invite along your mates

Don't get there late, in fact be there early goddamit!

Always call if you say you will (can you see where I'm going from here ;) )

well, thats my two bob from a single lass that hasn't had a date for a while I can only guess why not... ;)

5. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 10y

Quoting Isadora

Actions like those say a lot. Mainly that she is important and not just one of the guys.

From what I have seen, there are many that want just that - to be "one of the guys". The trick is to know which is which. This is why I have come up with a clever system:

First, get their address. Then sneak into their house, the goal is to observe and find out which type they are. After that I am at a loss.

6. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

Quoting mim

however, I would never expect the 'old style' chivalries like pulling a chair out, Its nice, but these are days of equality my friends and it is not seen as "de regueur" to do it! I think it's all a matter of politeness (being british I know all about this of course)...

Beat me to it, Mim!! I was just thinking on the same lines - but from a diferent perspective...

It's one thing to go out with friends, but on a date with someone you think you might like to get to know better??? Which would you prefer - someone who treats you with style (meaning the chivalrous stuff) or one that just sits his ass down and goes about the date like you were his buddy? That's exaggerated, I know - but think about it... It's not a matter of expectations, but rather a matter of consideration for and recognition of the person you are with. A way of earning respect, so to speak. Informal situations are one thing, but a one on one "dress to the nines" encounter is another. Why do you bother dressing up if you are not going to be treated as important? What a waste of time.

I understand the "I can do that myself" logic and that particular behavior is passe - but how many posts have you read in this forum where both men and women have bitched about the way they were treated? Yes, I'm "old school" - but - in the end, do you want a partner who respects you or one that (after a month of dating) leaves you at one end of the bar to be with his mates at the other? (By the way, that goes for women too - the girlfest thing is just as annoying to men.)

And, as far as the "I can do that myself" issue goes - that's obvious. Not too many women I know sit around waiting for someone to open a door or carry this thing or help with that thing. But again, it comes down to consideration and respect. I'm not professing the "Ozzie & Harriet lifestyle of the '50s - but maybe being treated well isn't so bad.

Isa gets off the soapbox and runs away...

The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet

7. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 10y

BUT Isa... what if that is not being yourself? I mean say you go out on a "date" and act all knightly throwing down your jacket in the water.. etc..

When in fact your are a rude crude bag full of pre-chewed food dude!? Then after so many dates she gets to know the real you. My point is I don't think anyone should put on a show.

If you open doors and are curtious in regular situations as well then I see that making sense, but if you are an arse in regular situation why would to pretend not to be?

By the way, I open doors, but I don't normally stand when someone leaves or enters... I always forget. And I draw the line at putting my jacket in the water.

8. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 10y

Quoting Brendan

BUT Isa... what if that is not being yourself? I mean say you go out on a "date" and act all knightly throwing down your jacket in the water.. etc..

When in fact your are a rude crude bag full of pre-chewed food dude!? Then after so many dates she gets to know the real you. My point is I don't think anyone should put on a show.

If you open doors and are curtious in regular situations as well then I see that making sense, but if you are an arse in regular situation why would to pretend not to be?

By the way, I open doors, but I don't normally stand when someone leaves or enters... I always forget. And I draw the line at putting my jacket in the water.

I look at it as this; you have decided to change your life by opening your life to someone else. "Yourself" is about to change, and must change. If you're a "rude crude bag full of pre-chewed food dude", no woman is gonna want you. That part of yourself has to give way. I'm not saying give up everything of who you are, but the whole dating period is about learning what works in the relationship and what changes you have to make to yourself (and visa versa). And yes, that does mean sometimes relationships fail because you decide that somethings you can't live without (like if you want to travel every other month and she wants to stay home...) I'm willing to make some changes to my life, because, hopefully, praying to God, Alah, Vishu, Budha, Amon-Ra, etc, there's this gorgeous blonde woman I can't get outa my mind who's gonna make it all worth the effort for me !

9. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 10y

Ok....fashion:
black with black is bad.
black with blue is good ?
what else....

10. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 10y

Who says black with black is bad??