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Italian student needing some help

Travel Forums General Talk Italian student needing some help

1. Posted by felipebatt (Budding Member, 2 posts) 15 Nov '05 16:10

Hello everyone,

I’m an italian student (in marketing), and I’m trying to build my own touristic company in Roma.

And I need some help and suggestions from english speaking people (canadians, british, americans, autralians…)

In this company, I want to offer people coming in Roma a romantic experience in a personalized theatre.

But my english is very bad, and I asked to friends of mine to traduct my webpage in english.

I received four proposals, and I don’t know wich of them is the most professional, the better for american and british people.

Here is the link of theses traductions :
http://ezaesqf4798.site.voila.fr/thetest.htm
When there is a “?”, that’s because the paragraph is not yet traducted.

Could you please say me wich of these is better, for me ?
Could you please say me, for each of these, if the traduction is very good, good, poor, bad, or very bad ?
If you want, you can send me an email to : -snip-.it to give me your indications and suggestions.
The traduction need to be as “poetic” as it was when I wrote it in italian. The traduction need to be “magic” for my customers. People need to want to buy such an experience, reading the webpage.

I really need your help ! It’s very very important for me !

I need to succeed in creating my own job !

Thanks :-)

Felipe Battisti

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[ Edit: Removed e-mail address. ]

2. Posted by tway (Travel Guru, 7274 posts) 15 Nov '05 16:41

Good lord, go with C! Poetic is good, but not when it's turned into incomprehensible gibberish. BTW, I like your use of "you" - a big marketing plus. Go easy on the adjectives, though. When it starts to sound like your laying the butter on thick, you tend to lose your audience.

Good luck!

3. Posted by felipebatt (Budding Member, 2 posts) 16 Nov '05 18:12

Quoting tway

Good lord, go with C! Poetic is good, but not when it's turned into incomprehensible gibberish. BTW, I like your use of "you" - a big marketing plus. Go easy on the adjectives, though. When it starts to sound like your laying the butter on thick, you tend to lose your audience.

Good luck!

Ok, thanks a lot !!!!! :-)
So, I'll choice the proposal C !