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Married or NotMarried - Ring?

Travel Forums General Talk Married or NotMarried - Ring?


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1. Posted by CubeFree (Budding Member 4 posts) 10y

Hi Everyone,

I have an unusual question, but this is definitely the place to ask it.

Every year since I've been married (about 5) I take several weeks to travel to some new destination, but my wife prefers only to travel with her mother, and she only likes to stay in 5 star hotels. Me, I like to backpack & stay in hostels, plus I LOVE to find small dive bars that are full of life, something she can't handle at all. We are a very happy couple, just different.

Anyway, the first few trips, I wore my wedding ring, told fellow travelers the story, and had fun, but the last trip, I didn't wear the ring & I told anyone who asked that I was recently divorced & wanted to stay away from women at all costs, but that I was definitely up for drinks & having fun. Let's just say that I had more fun that trip than I've ever had, and I didn't even get close to getting into trouble. It's weird, but people treated me so differently when they thought I was single!!

But of course I felt really guilty when I got back, even though I didn't even flirt or anything!

So the question is - I'm going to Thailand/Vietnam next spring - should I go "married" or "notmarried".

BTW - Several of the friends I made on the last trip laughed afterwards when I told them the situation - they completely understood, but I need more feedback from hardcore travelers.

BangKok in May 2006

2. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 10y

I am all about being true to oneself... that is all I can really say.

3. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

I'm with Brendan on this one. If you explianed the situation to your wife and she understood, that would be one thing. But if you lie and feel guilty about it, your head is trying to tell you something.

4. Posted by mtlgal (Full Member 1179 posts) 10y

If you had fun pretending to be single, and fun is all you're after, then i don't see what's wrong with a harmless deception. What I find strange is why people treated you differently just because you were single vs married. Did you behave the same? Maybe you were the one who behaved differently, hence eliciting different responses from other people.

5. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 10y

The question I pose to you is, would you like your wife to remove her wedding ring and tell people that she is recently divorced if she was travelling without you?

6. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 10y

I don't think this is a question that anyone here can answer for you. You have to do what's right in your heart.

But I can't help but think this is a sign of a deeper issue. You might want think deeply about what the difference in you and maybe the people around you that makes the difference, then go talk to your wife about it. One, it might make you feel better to come clean. Two, she and you may want to discuss your different needs and workout how the two of you can compromise. Talking about it on an internet forum isn't going to solve anything for you. Good luck.

7. Posted by miranda73 (Full Member 76 posts) 10y

For me ... just to be yourself!!! All will appreciate you

8. Posted by TKolb325 (Full Member 197 posts) 10y

I have to say I disagree with most people that replied. I think that it is completely harmless to take the ring off, if it means enjoying the trip more. The reason you take the ring off is what you need to be careful about. If it is simply to get a friendlier response, then there is nothing wrong with that. But if it is to escape into a different life, one that you don't normally have, then there may be a problem. But it sounds to me that you did it for social purposes, so there is nothing wrong with that. If you can't tell your wife about it, you may want to work on that, but hopefully she will understand your point of view, assuming that it is all about making friends.

You shouldn't keep secrets, but you should be able to have the most fun possible if it is truly innocent, and without alterior motives.

9. Posted by AlexT (Respected Member 245 posts) 10y

I tend to also be of the opinion that you should be true to yourself. Perhaps people weren't treating you differently at all and it was just your own self-perception changing...

10. Posted by cikusang (Respected Member 1361 posts) 10y

Take 3 angles:

1)If you are comfortable with any decison-making, this thread is only for further assurance from other people

2)If you were not sure of whatever decision you will and would make, is rather a subject of easiness with you, that shows you are struggling with things that you do not agree doing so.

3)If you think you are in the state of being pretty sure 'being single' is safer (with other having fun elements) than declaring yourself 'get married', please be fully responsible for any consequences in future because you are the only one to make such decision in this particular scope.

Stick in mind: the significance behind every action

Key word: Take things for granted?

All the best.