A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!
It's a man who walks in the street,suddenly he steps on a banana and he falls down!
A penguin, bored with the Antarctic weather, was on holiday driving through outback Australia when he started hearing a strange knocking sound from the car’s engine. Knowing how dangerous it would be for a polar sea-bird to be stuck in the middle of the desert, he quickly pulled into the next service-station.
The mechanic took a quick look at the car, and said “Mate, it’ll take me a few minutes to find out what’s going on", so the penguin ducked into the shop and bought an ice-cream. Unfortunately, the hot sun was melting the ice-cream, and penguin flippers not being the most dexterous of limbs, he got as much ice-cream on his face as he did in his mouth.
Rather annoyed now, the penguin went back to the mechanic to see what was wrong. The mechanic looked at the penguin for a moment, and shook his head.
“Mate, I’m sorry, but it looks like you’ve blown a seal.”
“No, no!", replied the penguin. “It’s only ice-cream!”
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but only "down under."
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY ARE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But then they go they
take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch . . . .