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Would you watch that?

Travel Forums Off Topic Would you watch that?

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21. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 11y

Death is always a good sell!

Phil's talking about how the living deal with the death of those around them (both loved ones and just people they see) isn't he. Death may or may not be a great adventure into the great unknown. But it's the living who will be watching the documentary. And the living who have to deal with the change. A child will have less maturity to deal with death compared to an 80 year old grandparent who's seen it all and looking towards their own time.

Looking at wills might be interesting in itself. Or soldiers before and after first time deployment to a war zone. A whole bunch of really interesting possible explorations come to mind. I'd watch it, either way.

22. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

Quoting Q_Zhang

A child will have less maturity to deal with death compared to an 80 year old grandparent who's seen it all and looking towards their own time.

I see what you're getting at, but I'm not so sure that's always true. Many kids with terminal illnesses have somehow learned to face life, and the prospect of death, with great courage. Whereas some grandparents, faced with ailing health and the need for lifestyle changes, deny anything's wrong until it's too late. I think it depends on the person, and on the people around them. I also think we tend not to give kids enough credit.

I adapted some testimonials from an organization that helps children with cancer, and one mother's comments stuck out. She said she watched her daughter go through her illness and face death with such courage and hope, that after she died the mother understood what a gift life really was. She then went back to school to become a nurse and help other people through their illness. For her, death brought a renewed faith in life.

23. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 11y

Quoting tway

I see what you're getting at, but I'm not so sure that's always true. Many kids with terminal illnesses have somehow learned to face life, and the prospect of death, with great courage. Whereas some grandparents, faced with ailing health and the need for lifestyle changes, deny anything's wrong until it's too late. I think it depends on the person, and on the people around them. I also think we tend not to give kids enough credit.

That's a tough one. Could it be that kids who have experienced less of life can deal with death easier ?

I was thinking more of how a child deals with say the loss of close friend or relative compared to an older person dealing with the same thing. It's different than dealing with your own death.

24. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

Quoting Q_Zhang

I was thinking more of how a child deals with say the loss of close friend or relative compared to an older person dealing with the same thing. It's different than dealing with your own death.

At my grandfather's funeral, we all dispersed at some point to get this and that done before people arrived. When my aunt and I walked back into the room where my grandfather was exposed, we found my cousin - who's 9 - sitting quietly by herself. "You're all alone?" my aunt asked her. But she replied: "No, no, I'm sitting with Pappy." All the older people were tip-toeing around the issue, but here she was, the youngest, at ease. I have a feeling that parents overprotect their kids when it comes to dealing with death. But that goes back to death being less frequent than it was 50 years ago.

25. Posted by mally (Respected Member 199 posts) 11y

no-one ascapes the game of life. you can't change it .everything just goes to a different place. it's not so much the dieing it's the circumstances that make it more or less painfull. remember donate you organs, you can't take them with you.

26. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

Quoting Pardus

Maybe looking at the being prepared aspect - how can one be prepared to die?

For me, it was getting my financial affairs in order....a will....letters to the children....basically-nothing left undone. Then it was a just a matter of preparing myself...with some occasional back sliding....because really...Life is pretty fricken funny, and NO ONE gets out alive....

27. Posted by isisshuru (Full Member 57 posts) 11y

Pardus,
I'm biased as well, having worked in hospitals for years. I have the commonly misconceived perception of "you're born, you're gonna die". Granted, most of the folks I see regularly are older, and slowly degrading, death is not a shock. Babies and kids still get to me, and I see myself disconnecting in those situations because I don't want to think about it too much.

One thing I wanted to point out (I don't think anyone has yet), is the family. SO many times it's not the patient, but the family in which death creates the turmoil. Like I said, most of my patients see death coming and can prepare for it on all accounts. Yet, it is the family that fights it. I get so upset and sad with this. These people are being selfish, resorting to legal methods to fight their loved ones OWN wishes to remove life support, despite immense amounts of pain and a lack of recourse to fight them against it. I don't feel that there is anything to be scared of, again, you're born, you die. You can't fight it forever. Just make the best of it for as long as possible, but the end IS inevitable.

I like this quote from Dr. Andrew Weil: "Our goal should be to live long and well, and have a rapid decline."

28. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Quoting tway

At my grandfather's funeral, we all dispersed at some point to get this and that done before people arrived. When my aunt and I walked back into the room where my grandfather was exposed, we found my cousin - who's 9 - sitting quietly by herself. "You're all alone?" my aunt asked her. But she replied: "No, no, I'm sitting with Pappy." All the older people were tip-toeing around the issue, but here she was, the youngest, at ease. I have a feeling that parents overprotect their kids when it comes to dealing with death. But that goes back to death being less frequent than it was 50 years ago.

My grandfathers died when I was 8 and 12, respectively. To protect me from "death", I wasn't allowed to view either grandfather, and not even taken to the funeral of the first. Because I had no real reference point, I had a very hard time reconciling that Grandpa Schlener was never coming back. I was very angry at him and did not mention him again until I turned 18. Ten years is a long time to hold a grudge for something he had no control over. I was protected again by my father forcing a closed casket for his father's funeral. Because I was taken to that service, I could put death into perspective a bit better. I understood he would never visit me again.

I went to my first viewing at 16 - the death of a classmate involved in a car accident. Rather than give thought to the boy lying there, all I remember thinking - what was so terrible about this that I needed protection from it years ago? As much as I do not care for the viewing process, it did bring closure and a chance to say good-bye one last time.

Quoting Q_Zhang

A child will have less maturity to deal with death compared to an 80 year old grandparent who's seen it all and looking towards their own time.

I find children facing death, their own or that of a friend/family member, tend to deal with more "strength". I contribute this to their lack of life experience. Essentially, the same type of open-mindedness that allows them to believe in Santa Claus or figure out riddles, that stump adults, quickly and easily. That is, their minds are not cluttered with extraneous information. Things, death included, are viewed/accepted as black and white. Life's gray areas begin to develop as the child is exposed to more and more during their grow. It is that innocence that allows them to accept what they can not change.

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