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Bossisms...

Travel Forums Off Topic Bossisms...

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1. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 10y

Don't you just hate certain expressions your boss uses?

Here are two that are burned into my memory - they make me cringe any time I hear them.

1. 'Let's approach this as a team.' - DANGER! DANGER' This can mean two things, 1. your boss hasn't got a clue and tries to hide that fact 2. He has something to be done that's really bad and he can't ask you, so he makes you come up with it yourself.

2. 'Let's think this through'. Translated 'What a stupid idea, you silly little person'.

I am sure there are way more, things like 'dynamic'... Everybody is looking for a dynamic person in their job ads, what does that mean???

{Phil steps back and waits until Cupcake has finished her internet search on the topic and posts her 2 million bossims... }

2. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 10y

:P
Actually, the first thing that popped into my head was the same one I put in the 'word I hate' thread.....
"Just making sure we are all on the same page"
I loath that saying!
(be right back...gotta do that search thing now...;) )

3. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 10y

Now that is downright scary....:) You're just too quick... Or do you have a special red light and siren that goes everytime somebody mentions your name or chocolate?

4. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 10y

OPTIONS

All options must be thought of before hand, to deal with the near infinite
variations of any project or idea that a boss can throw at you at any time.
Be prepared.

Boss-Speak In Job Ads

The typical job ad would like you to believe that, say, selling doors door-to-door is every bit as enjoyable as being in charge of talent relations and quality assurance at the Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest. Beware: the dark side of the force is strong in those who write that stuff.

Boss-Speak: "We’re looking for people who will thrive in a fast-paced environment."

Translation: "We expect you to work harder than the water-scooper locked up in the hold of a sinking battleship."

Boss-Speak: "We provide free food and soft drinks."

Translation: "We don’t ever want you to leave the office, not even to shop for groceries. Unfortunately, if you don’t eat, you die, and if you die, you stop working. So we’ll feed you. A little."

Boss-Speak: "We offer competitive salaries."

Translation: "Our competitors are just as cheap as we are."

Boss-Speak: "Our salaries are low, but we have a generous profit-sharing plan."

Translation: "We can only afford the worst employees in the entire industry, so we don’t plan on making any profits, ever."

Boss-Speak: "We pay relocation costs, but you will have to refund part of them if you leave the company within 2 years."

Translation: "Relocation costs are equivalent to six months of your salary, so you will be an indentured servant. Please step into our brand-new medieval torture chamber for some quickie toenail removal."

Boss-Speak: "We offer plenty of exciting challenges."

Translation: "We have no idea how to do the work we’re contracted to do, and we’re already three months late."

Boss-Speak: "We have an open-area office concept."

Translation: "Cubicles are too good for you development drones. Besides, we can save an extra $12 a month by packing you tighter than the stuff at the core of a neutron star."

Boss-Speak: "We have an open-door policy."

Translation: "Throwing people out through closed doors causes damage, and damage is expensive."

Boss-Speak: "In this company, everyone shares in the glory of what we accomplish."

Translation: "Expect to see many strangers listed as producers and designers on your game’s credit page."

There is more....
http://www.gignews.com/boss_speak_dictionary.htm
Enjoy!

5. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 10y

'My door is always open' - that's a classic!!!

6. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

Oh! A venting thread!!!!

Here's my personal favourite:

"It's an opportunity to take on a new responsibility."

Translation: It's crap work that we don't want to do.

I like that 'open-area concept' Boss-ism, CC. My boss sold me on the advantages of better teamwork and easier communication - but try writing when your coworker talks to himself all day or the other writer sings at the top of her voice.

7. Posted by Rraven (Travel Guru 5924 posts) 10y

''its for the good of the organisation''

''well the truth is...'' the this is normally followed with a poltically correct answer...

''you're not an accountant, you wouldn't understand'' - i personally hate this one,

8. Posted by IronChef (Full Member 1076 posts) 10y

Quoting CupCake

Boss-Speak: "We’re looking for people who will thrive in a fast-paced environment."

Translation: "We expect you to work harder than the water-scooper locked up in the hold of a sinking battleship."

Boss-Speak: "We offer competitive salaries."

Translation: "Our competitors are just as cheap as we are."

Boss-Speak: "We pay relocation costs, but you will have to refund part of them if you leave the company within 2 years."

Translation: "Relocation costs are equivalent to six months of your salary, so you will be an indentured servant. Please step into our brand-new medieval torture chamber for some quickie toenail removal."

Boss-Speak: "We offer plenty of exciting challenges."

Translation: "We have no idea how to do the work we’re contracted to do, and we’re already three months late."

Boss-Speak: "We have an open-door policy."

Translation: "Throwing people out through closed doors causes damage, and damage is expensive."

Absolutely hilarious. I've heard most of 'em.
And used a couple of 'em, too.

9. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 10y

Quoting Pardus

Now that is downright scary....:) You're just too quick... Or do you have a special red light and siren that goes everytime somebody mentions your name or chocolate?

pssssssst...sometimes....I really think I do have some sixth sense about the chocolate thing....

10. Posted by loubylou (Travel Guru 664 posts) 10y

Quoting tway

Here's my personal favourite:

"It's an opportunity to take on a new responsibility."

Translation: It's crap work that we don't want to do.

A similar one my work uses is 'look on it as a development opportunity'

Translation: You take on far more work than you can handle, we won't give you any extra money, 'cos we're too stingy, but if we sell it as being good for your future career, you'll do it!

I HATE that phrase, now I refuse to do anything outside my job description unless I get extra money!

Donna