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TRAVELLERS UNITED FOOTBALL CLUB

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21. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 10y

Quoting tway

Quoting beerman

I'll take number 1. What other number do you think about after a few pints?

Tway Schmiway of Norway has laid claims to 01, so you must promise, cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-lose-chestwig, pinkie-promise, swear on your aunt's grandmother's nurse's dog-walker's third cousin twice removed that you will NOT add a 0 to your jersey number.

I don't think the dog-walker has a third cousin twice removed....

Quoting Jase007

Good to see beerman has a strategy, but i think the amount of beer could fall short by a few gallons (weak american stuff being the reason

I may have to hurt you Or pin a large chest wig on you....

Ask anyone.....my beer is NOT American style....it's German, with an American accent. I DO NOT endorse consumption of most American beers, unless it's by our opponents....then they'll be off the the potty every 5 minutes for a good kidney wash.

22. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Quoting beerman

I may have to hurt you Or pin a large chest wig on you....

Ask anyone.....my beer is NOT American style....it's German, with an American accent. I DO NOT endorse consumption of most American beers, unless it's by our opponents....then they'll be off the the potty every 5 minutes for a good kidney wash.

Glad to see you have some taste in the beer dept, but i still think that you need to increase output.
How many in the team? by the way has anyone organised for TV coverage - we could get a bit in advertising revenue.

23. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

Isadora (53) of USA
Resident Witch
Rank: 8th Level Solitary

Skills:
Spell casting, drawing down power, hexing the opponets, removing hexes placed on our team, commanding the familiars (animals spies - why do you think I have so many cats...), creating team player's mojo bags, strength and protection ceremonies (don't want our players injured), empowering talismans, counter spells, blessing of the bock (beer), keeper of the Helga Helmet, and sideline yeller of GOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL.

Previous Experience:
Thirty years in the "business", though none with a football team. But hey, how hard can it be??!!

24. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

Yay! We must be enough people by now. When so we get to do the thing where we kick something?

25. Posted by Mdog (Budding Member 24 posts) 10y

captain mdog, number 9, update.
thanks for the input over the last few hours team, im glad to see that many of you are dedicated enough to spend all day and night with nothing better to do than post in this forum... like me...

Beerman, i officially appoint you team beverage refreshment director for travellers united football club. and also central defender. we need someone stout of heart and clear minded to hold our defence together. or as you americans would say DEEEEEEEfence. but this is not "SOCCER" its foot ball. so we say diFENCE. right...
as regards to the beverages, i feel that 6 jillion canadian pints in curly glasses should be sufficient to refresh our team. but, and i wont blame you for overelooking it as you are new to the post of director of beverages and refreshments for travellers united footie club, HAve you made arrangements for sufficient amounts of chocolate rum smooothie chasers, proportional to the amount of german beer with an american accent?
i have calculated counting my fingers that 6 jillion canadian pints in loop-the-loop glasses would require thirSty six thousand five hundred and twenty nine point six times fifty fifty. this is a large number, any suggestions?

as regards to the kit; i think black would be suitable for the shorts and as a stripe on the shirt and socks, but i think a more suitable colour would be electric pink. our sponsor for the game on tuesday will be John Rigglebug's fine art and Burger shop in Porthtowan.

formation for tuesday will be a 4-4-2 with myself and jase upfront, and beerman acting as a sweeper whilst the rightback and leftback spread across to give our attack some width from the wing. added skills will be witchcraft.

unfortunately no motox bikes will be allowed into the sacred game that is football, only a ball and some players.

suggestions please as to which colour we should dye the grass and the lines and the goal. also what we should write on the tickets, and a suitable price.. (concessions for oaps and chiddlers?)
also a team logo. we also need to fill the following positions.

RECRUITING NOW!!!
MIDFEILDERS!! REFEREES!! LINESMEN!! FOOTBALLERS!! BARMEN/MAIDS!!

apply here with list of skills you can do, how many kickups you can do and of course, name and country.
preference to those who can sit on a bratislavan cornflake times fifty fifty

26. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

Quoting Mdog

whilst the rightback and leftback spread across to give our attack some width from the wing. added skills will be witchcraft.

Um... which one am I and which one is Isa? We get our directions easily mixed up...

Quoting Mdog

suggestions please as to which colour we should dye the grass and the lines and the goal.

Black, black and black. We should also be blindfolded and tied together 2 by 2.

Quoting Mdog

also what we should write on the tickets, and a suitable price.. (concessions for oaps and chiddlers?) also a team logo.

"Come see the big game! Free hot dogs and lap dances to the first 100 fans."

Tickets should be in the $200 (US) range. We'll make money fastr that way.

I don't know what an oap or a chiddler is...

I'll leave the logo-ing to our resident witch and cat-lover Isa.

27. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

No bikes - Bummer
But we get to keep the studs yeah?
As for the drinking vessels, not a problem i know this guy who may just have the perfect solution. He's been working on a time and gravity displacement machine (he did try flogging it on e-may but a whole bunch of nutter kept asking stupid questions about flux capacitors and did it come with a de lorean), but anyway the graviry thing might just be able to hold all the booze in mid air.
Pitch colour - i'd go for red and bright gold with blue poker dots dotted around the edges (but i'm colour blind so what do i care )
If there are free lapdancers for the first 100 fans (curtious of tway, does that mean skilled players (or just those turning up to sample beermans tipple) get them too? If so i volenteer to hold interviews

28. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

Quoting jase007

If there are free lapdancers for the first 100 fans (curtious of tway, does that mean skilled players (or just those turning up to sample beermans tipple) get them too? If so i volenteer to hold interviews

Well, I was thinking Beerman could do his Beerslavian chestwig dance... the one that goes something like (and don't quote me - my Beerslavian is pretty weak): "Oh, you silly little football fan you, take seat and let me make rubby-rubby on your lap whilst I'm introducing green chest-wig to your facial features, ya?"

29. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Quoting tway

Well, I was thinking Beerman could do his Beerslavian chestwig dance... the one that goes something like (and don't quote me - my Beerslavian is pretty weak): "Oh, you silly little football fan you, take seat and let me make rubby-rubby on your lap whilst I'm introducing green chest-wig to your facial features, ya?"

Opps sorry my mistake, i don't mind the slapping bit, but the chest-wig to the chin mmmm just maybe a bit too much, but could very much depend on the beermans brew

30. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 10y

Quoting Mdog

Beerman, i officially appoint you team beverage refreshment director for travellers united football club. and also central defender. we need someone stout of heart and clear minded to hold our defence together. or as you americans would say DEEEEEEEfence. but this is not "SOCCER" its foot ball. so we say diFENCE. right...
as regards to the beverages, i feel that 6 jillion canadian pints in curly glasses should be sufficient to refresh our team. but, and i wont blame you for overelooking it as you are new to the post of director of beverages and refreshments for travellers united footie club, HAve you made arrangements for sufficient amounts of chocolate rum smooothie chasers, proportional to the amount of german beer with an american accent?
i have calculated counting my fingers that 6 jillion canadian pints in loop-the-loop glasses would require thirSty six thousand five hundred and twenty nine point six times fifty fifty. this is a large number, any suggestions?

a) Does one twirl on one's heel when one says diFENCE?
b) Of course, I am Beverage Director!!!
c) We'll drink directly from the kegs

Quoting tway

"Come see the big game! Free hot dogs and lap dances to the first 100 fans."

You know, for a mild mannered French-Canucki........

Quoting tway

Well, I was thinking Beerman could do his Beerslavian chestwig dance... the one that goes something like (and don't quote me - my Beerslavian is pretty weak): "Oh, you silly little football fan you, take seat and let me make rubby-rubby on your lap whilst I'm introducing green chest-wig to your facial features, ya?"

You know, for a mild mannered French-Canucki.........

Quoting jase007

Opps sorry my mistake, i don't mind the slapping bit, but the chest-wig to the chin mmmm just maybe a bit too much, but could very much depend on the beermans brew

Please ignore the rantings of the resident French-Canucki. Ain't no way Beerman and his chest wig be rubbin' on no faces....unless a certain someone, she who shalln't be named but who requested to be tied and blindfolded, files a formal petition, in quadruplicate, with the Beeristani Embassy in Moosejaw for such services to be rendered on her by aforementioned Beverage Manager. Methinks someone has a secret affinity for hair falsies. Really, there's nothing to be ashamed of....many women (and some men) secretly desire to blindfolded and tied face-first into Beermans chestwig. It's a symbol of honor in Beeristan, not to mention a fascinating tool for procreation. I could go on for hours with the intricate details, but I have beer to make for The Good People. And, apparently, some sweeping... Right or left sweeper?

You know, we could make loads more money by selling the DVDs of the lapdances at halftime....