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Long-distance relationship advice anyone?

Travel Forums Off Topic Long-distance relationship advice anyone?

1. Posted by TKolb325 (Full Member 197 posts) 10y

I am leaving for a 3 month trip in April for my first trip out of the country. It is a huge deal to me, and I know I have no idea what i'm in for, except for a ton of fun.

But over the past few months, I have started a relationship with easily the best woman I have ever met. Things have heated up very quickly, and we are very much in love. Since the beginning, we were both aware that I will be leaving, and we have started talking about how we are going to handle the situation. We have decided to stay faithful to eachother over the next few months, but I have some doubts in my mind. I am pretty sure that she will be faithful to me while i'm gone, but I am worried about myself. I know that I will be in a completely new place and having some of the best times of my life, meeting new people, and obviously doing a lot of "partying."

I am afraid that if I tell her that I want to be completely free while i'm on this trip, that she won't be there when I come back, but I am also afraid of missing out on "the whole experience" of the trip if I hold back certain things because of something that might not even be the same when I get home.

I guess I am just wondering what others think, what you would do in my situation, and if anyone has been in similar situation, how it has worked out.

I'm not sure if I will get many replies since this is a travel forum, but if anyone has advice, it is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

2. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

Go on your trip. Do what you are going to do. If you find that you are unable to remain faithful, then that should tell you something about your commitment to the relationship. I'm not saying to actively go out and sleep with other women, but just the way you presented your case, it says quite a bit.

I am also of the "don't kiss and tell" philosophy. You care for this woman but you have not "committed" yourself to her (ie: engagement or marriage). If you really love her and want the relationship to continue after your return - you probably won't sleep with someone else. In the off chance that you do - shut up about it when you get back home. (If you were engaged or married - completely different story...) This trip is yours - do with it what you will - but don't agonize over something that may or may not happen. Think with your big head because the little one has a one-track mind.

3. Posted by Twinkle (Travel Guru 1112 posts) 10y

Isadora's words of wisdom were exactly what I was just about to say to you, shes totally hit the nail on the head......
I figure you should just take each day as it comes...if you meet someone and the mood takes you, great, if thats what you want, ...I guess until you are in the situation, you wont know exactly how you feel...it may totally reaffirm your feelings for her....however if you are having doubts its probably best to tell her....maybe she will understand???I dunno I guess I would be a bit pissed off if I got a call from the other side of the world that said it was over then I would probably guess the reason behind it all....maybe say to her, you love her, you will stay in touch and you can pick things up when you get back!!!Then at the same time,you seem to really love her so I doubt you would cheat on her when it really came down to it....a few months is nothing in the grand scale of your life and if shes really the one, a few months away from eachother wont change anything....then at the same time, the few months you go away travelling will be some of the most amazing of your life, its a wonderful opportunity....I guess its something you have to decide????
I was in a long distance relationship for a few years but it wasnt quite as far away as it was only a couple of hours drive away so we used to see eachother almost every week so I guess it wasnt the same thing as your situation....but I guess its still the same issues that come up....I think the biggest one is trust, when youre not there in the company of the person constantly and they are living a different life in a different place its kind of hard to relate to them so much.....but I think distance is often a good thing, its gives you a chance to really put things into perspective and contemplate your feelings more!!!
Good luck with whatever you decide!

4. Posted by Odysseas (Full Member 1359 posts) 10y

Man,distance is something physically but nothing to feelings.I left home my four years love relationship,we also knew from the beginning I would leave for very long and very far.Faithful we were.But after one year she had a crush,an got involved with a guy.It was only the begining of my trip,we understood that it coudn't last faithful two more years,so we decided that we would be "free".Man,we were four years together already,of strong love.
Love fears nothing.I decided that I loved her more than I wanted her to feel lonely all the time I would not be here.And here it is,this is the way we do now.It's been hard but we are not our bodies.We are what we feel,and love doesn't care about blood.
I can wait the day I will take her in my arms again,and tell her "My love,my sweet angel,I'm back to love you".

And if you love each-other,you will not have problems,believe me.

5. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 10y

So your wild oats, then go back to your local oat growing farm

6. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

I'd say you should be honest. Even if you're unsure of whether or not you can be faithful, she has the right to know where she stands. I agree with Isa that, if you aren't faithful, it sure says a lot about what you think of your relationship with this girl. However, if you're going to kiss, then the proper thing (and hard thing) to do, in my opinion, is tell. Who has the right to decide what someone else can and can't know? Mind, I've had this discussion with some friends who completely disagree. One guy I know has a standing agreement with his very long-term girlfriend: if one day either of them has a one-night fling, they keep it to themselves. I get where he's coming from, but I myself wouldn't stand for it.

Really, though: if this relationship is meant to be for you - if you really love and want to commit to this girl - you won't be tempted. I've gone through periods of 7 months without seeing my boyfriend (who lives in Belfast) and can honestly say being faithful apart from him hasn't been hard in the least. I know what I have, and am grateful and blessed for it.

7. Posted by TKolb325 (Full Member 197 posts) 10y

Thank you guys for your advice!!!

It's not that I have the desire to cheat on her right now, but I just know that this trip will be unlike anything I have ever done, so I cannot pretend like I know what my mindset will be when i'm over there. But yeah, I do love her, and know that I couldn't stand coming home without her being here. I know I could never lie to her about what had happened. I guess whatever will be, will be.

Thanks again!!

8. Posted by Fred Save (First Time Poster 1 posts) 10y

It sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. Thinking she's wonderful but still wanting to have sex with other people doesn't sound like you are really committed to the relationship. Let's face it, three months isn't really that long. There's a ton of ways to stay in touch - email, long distance calls - there's cheap brokers out there for all over the planet - onesuit, phone cards, etc - aerograms, post cards. I think you are looking for a get out of jail free card, but still want to keep the girl. Is that really fair?