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TP Novel Three... The Choices One Makes...

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11. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 10y

Hey! First of all...you guys are making me laugh so hard I need to invest in some depends....but....Has anyone sent the link to this thread to Gelli? ;)

12. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

Quoting CupCake

Hey! First of all...you guys are making me laugh so hard I need to invest in some depends....but....Has anyone sent the link to this thread to Gelli? ;)

Do you think that's wise????

Just remember:

Quoting Isadora

(Disclaimer: The characters in this soon to be edition of the TP novel are fictitious, and are not a direct representation of any TP member living, breathing, comatose or dead. Just in case the topic arose...)

13. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Isa, HELP!!!
I've had a moment of pure madness, and lost the plot completely.
The outline with the masterbating antelope and thats it who's love child?
oh no, whats happened ....

14. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

Quoting jase007

Isa, HELP!!!
I've had a moment of pure madness, and lost the plot completely.
The outline with the masterbating antelope and thats it who's love child?
oh no, whats happened ....

Were you out to the pubs again???

I'll send you a PM about it - don't want to give too much of the plotline away!!!! Besides, Tina is trying to highjack Dolly and deposit her in the Baaaaaahamas... I filled her in a bit on brainstorm session. ;)

15. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 10y

Quoting tway

"Baaaaa....Baaahamas! Baaaahamas!" bleeted Dolly. In the scuffle with our anti-hero, poor Dolly accidentally dropped her one-way, first-class ticket to Nassau. Not to mention her new wool bikini and Jacie-O shades.

"Baaaastard!" For, truth be told, Dolly had been kept against her will for all those years, the silent love-sheep who dreaded hearing "I'm off to shuck the sheep, Francine" every Tuesday and Thursday night.

But her luck was about to change. From out of the woods, dressed in a silky green bikini and a pair of comfy Mephisto lace-up sandals, pops...

Halloooooo, it is I, Beerman, here to take you away from all of this madness, you cutesy little sheeps person you!!!!! I am seeing that you are enviously liking my silky green bikini and comfy Mephisto lace-ups, so I am giving you outfit of your own......would you are liking silky green bikini tops for this? No matter, I take you away to vaction paradise where we are can relax in comfort of tropical beach and consume umbrella drinks until we are loopy in head. Here, let me to take wool sweater from you......

...and at that, a stunned Dolly does as the apparent Madman requests.....she gives up her wool sweater and dons the eight-piece green silk bikini ensemble and lace-ups and follows the dancing fool to the boat dock, where.......

16. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 10y

Quoting Isadora

Quoting CupCake

Hey! First of all...you guys are making me laugh so hard I need to invest in some depends....but....Has anyone sent the link to this thread to Gelli? ;)

Do you think that's wise????

Just remember:

Quoting Isadora

(Disclaimer: The characters in this soon to be edition of the TP novel are fictitious, and are not a direct representation of any TP member living, breathing, comatose or dead. Just in case the topic arose...)

Oops! My bad....pretend I never wrote it.....I was never here..........

17. Posted by MerB (Full Member 147 posts) 10y

Dolly runs away. She files a lawsuit.

18. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Now at this point we should give some back grown on our hero.

Born in a remote village in Snowdonia, Wales, his father was Scottish and mother unknown. (seems she ran off with the local undertaker weeks after giving birth)
His father tried his best in raising the boy, working all hours on the local farms to make ends meet. But he just never had that bonding with him.

No one had recognised anything odd about our hero whilst going up, then again, no one ever recognised him at the best of times. The only person in the village that had ever called him by his name was the local fish and chip shop owner, where he had gone to collect their fish supper every Friday night. Before sitting down in front of the television to watch the latest instalment of Coronation street; his favourite programme. Our hero dreamed of the cobbled streets portrayed on the TV and the fascinating stories that were played out on the screen.

Well, there was someone who he had a bond with; this had grown over the last years since he had gone through puberty. Before this special someone had come to his attention, our hero had always though it odd why the men folk of the village had always had Wellington boots that were open in the front, and all their gloves had Velcro strips. He remembered when the first farmer had boasted in the local pub all those years ago that these new ‘velcro’ gloves were the bees knees when it came to lovin.

But when he found his Dolly, he knew he had met that special someone, someone with who he too, could go up the mountain on a Saturday night. In winter keep him warm and in summer supply him with another singlet. But he wasn’t like the other men of the village, he couldn’t go with any fleuzy only his Dolly would do.

That was when he had decided that it was time to spread his wings, At school our hero had surpassed all expectations and became the only person in the history of the school and the district ever to pass O-levels (ok, it was only one subject: a D- in welsh).
When he had moved from the village into the English town of Mayfair he had taken Dolly with him.

Mayfair is an old roman town; in typical picture postcard fashion it has the mock Tudor finished shops along the high street. The only hotel has a large oak tree in the front along with the picnic tables, the grass verge runs down to the small stream. On the edge of the square lies the church, well the building anyway as it was turned into a brothel some 10 years ago when a vote had been taken on how to make the most of the available buildings and land in a drive increase tourism for the local economy. The only religious man in the village now uses the public phone box for ceremonies, as you might imagine he’s not too pleased by this, as quite often some irate teenage wanting to ring home or a drunk wanting to use it as a urinal interrupts his prayers.

Mayfair has a population of 1,235 of which 90% are involved in some way with the brothel. The change in planning to allow the church to be used for such purposes has been such a boost for the community as a whole, local taxes have been scrapped. The church take rent for the church land, the council makes money from the car park, and the shops make the money selling to all the punters – Mayfair is a happy place, as the motto says “Mayfair – the village that is guaranteed to put a smile on you”. To the uneducated, the high street would not look out of place on Emerdale, it wouldn’t be, until you scrapped the surface would you notice what was really going on here.

19. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

George (our hero)took a job as a delivery boy for the local pizza company. He had been employed for the past three weeks and had loved the freedom of the open road; it never bothered him riding his Honda C90 in the typical English weather. His duties also included running errands for the head office situated in the nearby town of Grantham, it was on one of these errands for the office that he first met Francine. Francine was the receptionist at the office in the accounts department, she was a magical sight, with big blue eyes, long flowing blonde hair, curves in all the right places and a smile that lit up her whole face. This was her most striking feature; it went from one side of her face to the other, she could light up the whole room with one look.
He was going to collect the payslips for the Mayfair branch, “Good morning, what can I do for you?” Francine asked, smiling and looking George up and down. He felt hit heart skip a beat, and realised the he was starting to go the same colour red as the uniform that he was wearing. This was the first time he had been made to feel like this in his life, even Dolly hadn’t made his heart flicker like it was doing now.
“Mmm Morning, I’m from the Mayfair branch and here to pick up the payslips”,
“Yes, I bet you are” Francine replied “is there anything else you’d like to pick up she purred”.
George managed to stutter out “no, just the payslips”, taking them off the desk he turned on his heals and fled as quick as he could without looking as though he was running. Francine thought to herself ‘nice, cute and shy just how I like them.’

On the ride back to the pizza place, his mind wandered to that moment and wandered to himself that maybe, just maybe he might take a gamble she had made it clear the way she thrust out her ample breasts and tilted her head slightly whilst sucking on her pen, the full on eye contact and that smile, hell that was one amazing smile. Just then he realised his C90 was veering off into the pub beer garden.
“Fuck, shit, bastard, wank, mother fucker, what the fuck do you thinking? You stupid welsh twat” shouted the pub landlord. He had just seen six months of love and attention he had lavished onto hid garden destroyed by the twat on a pizza delivery bike. “Well? What the fuck were you thinking?”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t know what happened” Thinking to himself, ‘oh what has happened? Now I’m going to be in for it, they’ll fire me for sure’
“Listen here lad, if you don’t reply now I’m going to smash that fucking big nose through the back of your skull”,the landlord was fuming now, he was a giant of a man, 7 foot tall, bald and built like a brick shithouse. The vein on his forehead was bulging out and throbbing now, “well? Are you dumb as well as stupid??”.
“Look I’m really sorry, I wasn’t concentrating. I just lost control” George replied.
“well you pathetic piece of crap, your going to have to pay for the damage you’ve done here and your lucky I’m in a good mood or you would be brown bread by now”.
It was at this moment that a Ford Mondeo pulled into the car park and out stepped Francine, “Hi daddy, what has happened to the beer garden?” then she noticed the twisted C90 and the shaking frame of George. Francine smiled to herself, and swandered over and whispered something into the landlords ear.
“Your lucky that my little baby here likes you son, just be warned – do it again or piss me off and I’ll have you strung up like a violin”, then the landlord turned around and stomped off into the bar cursing as he went.

20. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 10y

Sorry Jase! Will be back on Monday with the further adventures of the novel!! (Got caught up in the wonderful 27C temps and had to do yard work...)

Isa returns this thread to it's regularly scheduled programming... ;)