………and in an overwhelmingly nearly-blinding flash of white, blue, and red light, accompanied by the staccato tippity-tap of neon orange speed-skates, comes Beerman……..
Verwelkoming Mr. Am I Sam, it is I, Beerman, here to make most happy on you on this, your Most Happy of Happy Days. TA DA!!!!! I am now to make Dans of Happy to make amusement on you……
Leap into air, two full twists, land on table, kick two three four, pick up beer bottles, juggle many at time, sing National Anthem of Norwegia to tune of “Oh Canada”, hop down from table narrowly missing bassinette, pick up small Malia person, swing around doing Julie Andrews in “Sound of Music”, place Malia person gently back in bassinette, twist, twirl, bow gracefully hitting forehead on table, knock self out, revive quickly, drink one of juggled beers…..TA DA!!!!!!!!!!!
So, you are having been impressed no? You are perhaps making wonder about new Beerman outfit, yes? Beerman is making honor to flag of Norwegia, and homage to Danish speed-skating legends of past Olympics. I am not knowing about why Danishes, but is seemed right. But enough making about Beerman, is Day of Joy for you. Please to make accept of these complimentary items: Official signed First Edition of “Beerman: The Legacy of Making Happy”, available at many bookstore places nearly worldwide; this tiny replica thing of chest wig of Beerman, suitable for keeping small persons in life warm and cozy through 11 months of harsh Norwegia winters; this large lorry thing filled with selection of actual Beerman beer; this instructional video I am have stealed from James about how to find babysitter and make happy with wife person again, in private (I am wink wink, nudge nudge); and this note card filled with signatures and Happy Greetings of 39,569.997 TPeoples who are making thanks to you and that other person in OZylvannia for making of site so uniques and full of Happy (I am could not reach other 20,786.23 TPeoples…I am thinking they are make travel).
Now if you are please to point me in direction of nearest sauna house place, Beerman has made reservations for Mrs. Beerman to make join in on little bathhouse time……I am nudge nudge……
…….and in another slightly less overwhelming near-blinding flash of multi-colored light, Beerman is gone, leaving behind only the soft sounds of baby cooing with little bits of spittle on mouth, a mutely stunned birthday boy, and the gentle sounds of wife person yelling from kitchen “Am, who is make noise in living room? I am told you no visitors today. We are to make joy today.”
...in a near non-blinding sweat-covered flash of red, accompanied by the staccato flippity-flop of moist sauna shoes, comes Mrs. Beerman...
Hello Mr. Ham-I-Was person you... It is I, Mrs. Beerman, here to make wish on you for your Happiest of Happy Days!
Mrs. Beerman is suddenly distracted by baby........
Oooohhhhh, and what are we having here????? Is small baby person, and she is cute like little ham! Picks up baby... Oh, little Ham-I-Am person, you are sooooo cute!!!!!!! I am making coochy-woochy-poochy sounds at you. Ooooh, Mrs. Beerman is sensing certain, how is one say, diaper-type odor. Oooohhh... That okay baby-type person you. Mrs. Beerman has been nurse-maid to many baby-type persons of the four-legged kind in old country. Beerman - please to get hose of garden for washing baby-type person's bottom. Coochy-woochy-poochy... Oof, is very not so rosy aroma in here - but Mrs. Beerman have bad sinuses anyway.
Oh little one, Mrs. Beerman tell you story from old country that you, as little one, will enjoy and remember rest of life:
I am liking them in box
I am liking them with fox
I am liking them in house
I am liking them with mouse
I am liking them on TP
I am liking when I pee
I am liking green eggs and ham
I am liking them with Daddy
Mrs. Beerman proceeds to hose down little baby-type person's bottom and removes slip cover from sofa cushion to use as diaper. Hey, what was used in old country!
Oh, wait... Mrs. Beerman almost nearly forget reasoning for coming here... You, Mr. Ham-I-Was person, you had some special occasion for Happy. Oh, Mrs. Beerman is old and has no memory to remember by... Ah, yes, Mrs. Beerman remembers now...
Happiest of Happy Days Mr. Ham-Person you!!! Mrs. Beerman will make refrain from dance. She hears Mr. Beerman calling from sauna...
...And in a near non-blinding flash of red, Mrs. Beerman flip-flops out the window and back to the sauna for cocktails and...
Happy Birthday Sam! Hope it's a good one.
Have an egg-cellent birthday (get it?) Mr Green Eggs and Spam
today is international kickass website owner day pt. 1 seroiusly have a good one man, i mean it.
Happy Birthday, Sam!! Have a smashing day ahead!
When you're here let us know,we will come overnumerous in chatroom,and you can ALL kick us out,one by one!!!!!
What a party it will be!!!!
... When you're here let us know,we will come overnumerous in chatroom,and you can ALL kick us out,one by one!!!!! ...
I have a request. Can I NOT be the first one this time?
Many happy returns Sam, hope you have/had (delete as appropriate!) a lovely day.