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Have you heard the Rumour?

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951. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 9y

Rumour is that the Canadian police are too busy looking at their new nylon stockings to be bothered chasing the CIA who have run off with their Burgers.
The farts let out by the CIA after eating the crap food (well only the Americans would eat it)caused France to surrender and mass suicides have taken place.
The Mexican owner of the USA, now named "ja, ja, tu escoges la tierra the los transmitores the enfermedades sexuales" has decided to fill in the Grand Canyon with Tequila, the Colorado river will be diverted to Texas where they will use it for the new amusement park "New New Mexico rivers" where the center piece will be a white water raft through Dallas.
The Aussies contine the hunt for the perfect BBQ and are seeking out a decient shop that sells flip-flops.
The kiwi's have invented a new extreme sport to keep themselves amused, they found an abandoned nuclear missile base and are taking it in turns riding the missiles as they get launched. They are also using it as a protest against nuclear weapons.

952. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 9y

Rumour has it that the Mounties followed their man to New Zealand, where the men are men and the sheep are sore. Turns out the kiwis, unprepared for such an invasion, pelted the Mounties with Marmite jars and chased them with huge elastics in an attempt to scare them to death with ultimate bungee challenges. In the end, the Mounties ended up with a severe sunburn and the Kiwis swam to safety to Australia. Then the FBI flew in and claimed the whole place for the King, who promptly raised taxes, created ghettos, tore down the rainforests, and set up a Walmart on top of Sky city.

953. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 9y

Rumers a flowing that Beerman has given up his live of beer, babes and bonking for that of a whitch, complete with broom stick.
He, now going by the name Shirley can be seen flying over the Rockey's every full moon (or is that his/her mooning ).

954. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 9y

I wish!!!! Do you have any idea how taxing it is to lead a life of beer, babes, and bonking? No, of course not... But let me tell you... don't hate me because I'm beautiful. With sufficient time and capital investment, we might just be able to make you mostly beautiful.....

Rumor has it that there has been a massive recall of potted meats sold exclusively at Marks and Sparks. Seems that the meat had been tainted at the slaughterhouse by a naked, axe-wielding Kiwi who claimed several hogs to be "My Precious" while keeping the workers at bay. The man escaped, but authorities are on the look out.

955. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 9y

Rumour has is that all the beer production in the united states (or what passes for beer anyway) has stopped. This is due to some deranged master brewer hiding under his desk looking at the morror he stole from a ladies make-up bag.
Seems he has been heard muttering to himself "I lead a life of beer, babes, and bonking? I'm beautiful, but this is taking it's toll on my complexion."

956. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 9y

Rumor has it that a raid on a house in Surrey has brought to light new developments in the "My Precious" pig story. Seems the tenent has been keeping farm animals (of assorted varieties) in different rooms of the house. When interviewed, the owner of the home stated: "Jase seemed like such a nice, level-headed kind of guy. I just did an inspection of this place last week and saw no evidence of these animals then. Though, come to think of it, I did hear squealing coming from his car. I just thought he was having his weekly adolescent flashback with some tart in the backseat."

957. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 9y

Quoting Isadora

Rumor has it that a raid on a house in Surrey has brought to light new developments in the "My Precious" pig story. Seems the tenent has been keeping farm animals (of assorted varieties) in different rooms of the house. When interviewed, the owner of the home stated: "Jase seemed like such a nice, level-headed kind of guy. I just did an inspection of this place last week and saw no evidence of these animals then. Though, come to think of it, I did hear squealing coming from his car. I just thought he was having his weekly adolescent flashback with some tart in the backseat."

Hey that squeak was the mouse living in the engine bay
These rumours were found to be false, it turns out that the anumals were taken into care by Jase after a certian beer loving american and his martini loving wife were found to be using the animals for their own version of 'Animal farm'

958. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 9y

Quoting Jase007

it turns out that the anumals were taken into care by Jase after a certian beer loving american and his martini loving wife were found to be using the animals for their own version of 'Animal farm'

Hmmmm, who could that be???

Despite what all the media have been asserting since that fateful day back in September, we know for a fact, not just a rumor, that Kiwis can be taught to stand upright, use flatware at the table, and carry on reasonably lucid conversations. Potty training does indeed take a bit longer, but once they get used to using indoor facilities, they really get quite good at it.

[ Edit: Edited at Oct 31, 2006 9:05 AM by beerman ]

959. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 9y

Quoting beerman

Quoting Jase007

it turns out that the anumals were taken into care by Jase after a certian beer loving american and his martini loving wife were found to be using the animals for their own version of 'Animal farm'

Hmmmm, who could that be???

Despite what all the media have been asserting since that fateful day back in September, we know for a fact, not just a rumor, that Kiwis can be taught to stand upright, use flatware at the table, and carry on reasonably lucid conversations. Potty traing does indeed take a bit longer, but once they get used to using indoor facilities, they really get quite good at it.

Though teaching an American to spell is impossible

960. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 9y

What? What was that?

Look who's talking Bucko!!!!