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Words of Wisdom

Travel Forums Off Topic Words of Wisdom

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1. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Well, we have the jokes, rumours, words association.
So I thought it was about time there was somewhere to put your wise thoughts.
Here's a start:

SHOPPING

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

2. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 10y

Life in a vacuum sucks.

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

What goes around comes around, unless posted throught the Royal Mail.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

3. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 10y

'If a man stands on his head you can't see if he's wearing a hat or not' (My former maths teacher explaining some mathematical principle. I still try to figure out what he meant...)

'Women are like hurricanes. It's starts with a little blowing and when they leave they take your house and car with them'

'If one one-legged man trips another one-legged man, they both fall on their face'

'Conversation is like TV set on Honey Moon - unneccesary!' (Peter Seller's character Sidney Wong in 'Murder by Death')

'What's the worst thing about being old, Alvin?' - 'Remembering when you were young' (The Straight Story)

'Men are like onions. The more you peel, the more it makes you cry'

'Never fight little old men who just stand there smiling'

4. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

That reminds me of my Grade 10 math teacher's words of wisdom concerning, I believe, algebra: "If you look up and see a pink elephant, it's a pink elephant!"

And my Dad's all-time classic: "You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose. But you can't pick your friend's nose."

5. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 10y

There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can't.

Instead of wasting your time with marriage, just find a woman you can't stand an give her your house.

Confusion is a bucket full of lorries in a chip shop named Bob.

6. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

Life is like a shit sandwich - the more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat

7. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 10y

Life is like a chicken shed ladder - short, steep and full of shit....

8. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 10y

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
-- JK Jerome

9. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

10. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 10y

In one episode of ‘Cheers’, Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this....)

“Well you see, Not-rn, it’s like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regul ar killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest.brain cells first. In thi s way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more effici ent m achine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

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