While in high school, whenever I would have a date, the boy always had to come in a say hello. Without fail, as we would be leaving, my mother would always say: "Remember the cow." It was her shorthand for "Why buy the cow when the milk was free." It was also her pat answer for any question about sex.
"Liquor than beer you've nothing to fear, Beer and then liquor you've never been sicker"
Or is it the other way round?
No your right Clarabell. But who can really count which is which.
Join the Army - visit exotic places and meet interesting people. Then shoot them.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Showing up is half the battle.
Why do something today, when some other poor sap will do it tomorrow
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increas es when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
never give work your mobile number or they will use it (even if you're on holiday in africa)