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When your partner doesn't like travelling...

Travel Forums General Talk When your partner doesn't like travelling...

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1. Posted by jasminasab (Budding Member 41 posts) 10y

I've never travelled by myself and to tell you the truth, I don't believe I would have enjoyed it without the proper company. My boyfriend finds travelling boring and a waste of money. He just can't understand why I like it and why the trip with him is not the same as the trip with my friend(s) or family. On the other hand, I find it very difficult to accept that he will never be my dream-companion.

I was wondering if any of you have a partner that really but really doesn't like to travel? How can I make a compromise with my boyfriend and don't betray the traveller in me at the same time?

Maybe it's just that I never met anyone who likes travelling as much as I do. Or most of the people just don't have money and they don't dare to dream. I feel that I wouldn't be happy travelling with any person I know. On the other hand, travelling by myself really scares me.

Any positive thoughts are welcome, cause I'm sort of becoming depressed over yet another dissappointment of canceling what was supposed to be a romantic trip to Andalucia.

2. Posted by bryangrey (Budding Member 38 posts) 10y

Nice. Land of Flamenco, tapas, and that yummy ham. Sorry, don't want to sadden you anymore. But you should try and find out the root of it. Is he afraid? Hates flying? Would he rather sit on the couch and watch life go by without a care? What you can do is start slow. Take a road trip. Or take a cruise along the Med. Maybe Spain is a little to adventurous for him at this time. I think you need to have him experience something, anything while traveling so he gets the "bug." He has to feel it for himself. You either have the love for travel or not. But you certainly can lead him to the light, so to speak, and hopefully the light will go on. Don't give up and keep trying but don't push it.;)

3. Posted by Lush88 (Full Member 66 posts) 10y

It sounds like your boyfriend may have had horrid travel experiences previous that has put him off travelling completely!! Short journey trips are a great idea, to try and get him comfortable with the idea. Get him involved in the planning, maybe something like a game to play as you arrive at your destination? Include his interests...what he enjoys to see and do...etc!

But dont exclude travelling by yourself or the experiences you could have with other travel companions either. Maybe that is something you need to do as well..? Be completely open to meeting new people and enjoying all new experiences too. You may see another side of yourself that you never knew existed! Maybe you could go on over night trips away by yourself and see if you conquer your fear of travelling alone...?

In the meantime chin up and dont give up on your travel dreams

4. Posted by mim (Travel Guru 1276 posts) 10y

Get him on tp!!! he wont be here long before he catches wander lust

there's only so many passionate people you can chat to before getting a little bit interested no?

m

5. Posted by Laura_B (Respected Member 352 posts) 10y

Get him to watch Michael Palin on some of his travels, if that doesn't inspire him, I don't know what will! I'm reading his Himalaya book at the moment & I'm finding it fascinating.

6. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 10y

That's a tough one. On one hand, everyone's different - and someone who doesn't like travelling is perfectly justified to have other interests. On the other hand, if it means that much to you then it should make him happy to make you happy. I have a friend whose ex-boyfriend refused to travel. In his case, he was rather anti-social (he rarely even came out with us!) - and not wanting to travel was one more symptom of a bigger problem. In the end, she broke up with him because he just didn't want to get involved in her life.

However, maybe your boyfriend simply doesn't like to travel. But don't let that dissuade you! You hold the decision to travel in YOUR hands. Don't wait for him to decide how you should run your life. It's your life to live, and your dreams to fulfill. Go off on your own - try it for a short trip and see how it feels. You'll probably discover that solo travelling has wonderful rewards (I love it!). Then you can come home and share your experiences with your boyfriend and know you've done something special for yourself. Don't push that urge to travel down. You may regret it - and perhaps resent him - later on.

7. Posted by mtlgal (Full Member 1179 posts) 10y

Quoting jasminasab

I've never travelled by myself and to tell you the truth, I don't believe I would have enjoyed it without the proper company.

If you never tried traveling by yourself, how do you know that you won't like it? I never thought that I'd enjoy traveling solo until I finally did it, and now I love it! My guy doesn't like traveling either. Fortunately, he doesn't mind that I go by myself. Of course, sometimes I'm somewhere beautiful and romantic and wish that he'd be there with me, but traveling without him is far better than not traveling at all. Other times I'm glad that he's not with me, because I know he wouldn't enjoy some things that are of great interest to me. I once considered the possibility that he's not the right person for me because traveling is such a big part of my life - how can I be with someone who does not share my biggest passion?? But then I decided that we can't really pick and choose who we fall in love with and he has so many qualities that are rare to find in a man and are important to me. So, my advice to you is to try traveling by yourself and see if you like it. Or, travel with a friend, although I personally find this option much trickier than traveling solo. Have you tried doing a tour? I did a GAP tour in Central America and I highly recommend it. Except for 1 couple and 2 girls who were traveling together, the rest of the group were solo travellers. This way you're technically "by yourself", but in reality never alone. If you don't like the rigidness of a tour, there are some hop-on hop-off tours that are more flexible. Don't cancel trips just because your BF doesn't want to go or you'll one day come to resent him!

8. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 10y

I´m with Mtgal. It´s just the idea of travelling alone that´s offputting. Once you go for it, it´s great. Of course, you could find that you just don´t like travelling alone, in which case you are back to square one. But, at least if you try you might find it´s the perfect solution.

Also, when your boyfriend sees that you are doing it anyway, you might find he´s suddenky a lot more interested. ;)

I can´t say enough good things about travelling alone. I have had very few lonely days when i have done solo trips. You are as free as the wind and it´s a great feeling. You meet infinitely more people than when you travel with someone you know.

I say, go for it! Book a holiday somewhere by yourself - maybe a shortish one to begin with. Stay in hostels, plan activities with other backpackers and see how it suits you.

Like Mtgal said, I´d rather travel alone than not travel at all, and you shouldn´t totally neglect doing something that you love for someone else.

;)

9. Posted by jasminasab (Budding Member 41 posts) 10y

Thanks guys.

You've really helped me with those nice words, especially mtlgal (you understood me perfectly I believe :)).
I acted a bit childish about the plans for Andalucia, cause my boyfriend let them develop almost to the last stage before he told me he didn't want to go. We talked again about it and I found out that although he doesn't like travelling he will be my companion if we go to some country where we don't have to bother with visas (as citizens of Bosnia&Herzegovina we have to get visas for almost any country in the world), so it's not so bad after all. I do have to plan everything from scratch, but at least he'll go with me. :)
(I believe I'll chose Istanbul, which is not a bad alternative at all.)

Andalucia has been my dream for a long time, so I'm not gonna give it up. I guess I might give it a try, even on my own. I'll just postphone it for now.

I really loved the tour idea, never though of it (cause I didn't see any offered here in our agencies) but I will check if there are any of those in Andalucia (there must be, right? :)).

Anyway, this was a temporary fall of my traveller's spirit, but this dissappointment I can live with. :)

You guys are the best. I feel like I've finally met a bunch of dream-mates I'd been wanting to met all my life. :)

10. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 10y

Quoting jasminasab

You guys are the best. I feel like I've finally met a bunch of dream-mates I'd been wanting to met all my life. :)

It certainly has that effect around here! All kinds of insperation! Like mentioned above, you should really try some solo travel; it can be a real eye opener.