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leaving current partner behind.

Travel Forums General Talk leaving current partner behind.

1. Posted by bolton81 (Budding Member 10 posts) 10y

hello,ive been going out with my girlfriend for 4 years now and every year have an argument because i always bring up the fact that i would love to leave my job for a bit and do a bit of travelling thailand/australia but the reason that i dont is because im going out with her and that she is holding me back from doing this (i think maybe im just using this as an excuse) ,and i tell myself that if/when we split up i will do it.i realise that this aint fair on her and so i try not to talk about it too much.Recently my friend quit his job and went and worked abroad and is still there having the time of his life and it sort of gave me a kick up the bum to do what i want to do. My girlfriend has said that if i wanted to go away for a bit she would happily help me to plan it,altho im not sure if she is just saying it because she knows that i wont do it,she even jokes about how sure she is that i wont!.Ive asked her to come with me but beacause of things she is committed to she cant.Ive spoken to a friend who i thought would be interested in coming with me and he said he would,so now we have agreed to go in january for a couple of months to thailand and see what happens, maybe go on to somehwere else.So i wanted to know how other people went about leaving their partner behind ,did they help you plan it or give you a choice them or travelling,were things different when you got back,did you feel the same about them,did they trust you not to cheat and believe you if you didnt,is it unfair to expect them to be ok with you going off possibly meeting someone else im not sure if i should go or how my girlfriend will take it any advice. Sorry bout the waffle thanks.

2. Posted by TIFFIK (Budding Member 2 posts) 10y

If your relationship survives you know its meant to be and if you dont go you will always think what if.
I am going away the end of August to SE Asia for six months and will be leaving my partner of 8 years behind. We split up last year and I decided that now was the time to go travelling, I booked my ticket but since then my partner and I have got back together.My partner says he will wait for me and I for him but you never know what is round that corner.
I think if you stayed it will start to eat away at you. Your girlfriend could always meet up with you for a holiday halfway through. I think you should go for it.

3. Posted by Demian (Full Member 117 posts) 10y

I left my girlfriend behind for a longer period of time twice already.

The first time was for 2,5 months, when I went to Russia to study, now I'm entering the sixth month of being away to South Africa for work.

The first time, she went travelling with a friend at the same time, and now she's actually over to visit me here. That is the best part: meeting somewhere on the other side of the planet, telling all the stories, enjoying a (small) part of the trip together (or in my case: showing her where I ended up, letting her meet all my new friend and taking some time off to travel a bit around the country with her).

She doesn't like me going away, but she understands. She might be afraid of me being unfaithful (which I hasn't been), but I try to ensure her I'm coming back to her.

Just leave something behind for your girl, it helps her getting through. I left a fluffy toy cat with a whole bunch of postcards tied around the neck: one for every week I'm away. I wrote something sweet on all those cards, just a short not that I love her and so on. She opens one every week, and is reminded every week I will come back soon. She says it really helps her getting through hard times when she misses me, or starts doubting about the whole thing.

So if you're confident in the relationship, just go! It might be a little cruel to your girlfriend, but you have a lifetime to make up after the trip, and as said in other posts: if you don't do it, you'll have a lifetime to regret it...

4. Posted by sarahp (Budding Member 11 posts) 10y

Iv done it twice now, the first guy i left for three months, we spoke for months about it beforehand but when I came back he was really curious about what went on and what I did and who i met, he was really just being insecure and got upset if i didnt call him very often, we broke up shortly after i got back. Then I went away for three months last summer, after my last experience i didnt know what to expect from my current boyfriend and we avoided even talking about til the last minute and ended up saying we would just see what happened and go from there, but he was great and came to join me as much as he could and I had the best time. I would just say dont worry about it now, dont even think about. Go away and it will soon become obvious how good your relationship is or not as the case may be! good luck with it!

5. Posted by tom_kirk (Budding Member 23 posts) 10y

I have experienced the same thing i was going out with a girl for just under 5 years and i went travelling for 8 months, we kept in touch through phone calls/e-mails but what i found when i got back was that we'd both grown into different people with different lives and it didn't work out.....i don't regret going at all because it was the best thing i could have done and like TIFFIK says its a real test of a relationship and if it survives you know you have something special.....one thing i would say is that people do change and you have to prepare yourself for when you get back from your travels.

but you only live once and you should make the most of it and see the world
:)

6. Posted by rasberries (Inactive 154 posts) 10y

Hey,

I'm leaving in a week for a month or so and then again in January/February 07 I will be gone for awile backpacking in South America until classes start in Sep 07. My boyfriend can't leave due to his job.
We've been together for years and as much as I love him , lately I have been finding myself picking fights with him and I think subconciously its part of me wanting to be able to go away with no attachments. Expecially since what if I wanted to stay somewhere and work , etc... Plus there are always the what if's... what if i turn down opportunities to work overseas and live there to come back home and say things go belly up when i get home and i through away a great opportunity. I know that it's overthinking things but I am a travel agent, a backpacking nomad at heart and I want to see the world and my partner really has no care to go away anywhere aside from an all inclusive resort in cancun.

Gah*

7. Posted by tallbird (Respected Member 269 posts) 10y

My boyfriend and I used to spend a lot of months apart due to travelling. I would never have dreamt to tell him not to go because of me. The longest we spent apart without seeing eachother at all was six months. Now we tend to travel together most of the time although I have just come back from a two month trip with friends. We always reckoned that if our relationship was meant to be we would still be together once reunited (which we are). The worst thing I could imagine is my boyfriend resenting me for holding him back in something he really wanted to do. As the saying goes: " If you love something set it free and see if it returns."

And remind your girlfriend that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'.