Skip Navigation

The people left behind..

Travel Forums General Talk The people left behind..

1. Posted by whereslove (First Time Poster 1 posts) 10y

hiya all,

I am an 'untraveller' if that makes any sense. I haven't done the whole travelling thing, so I'm really looking for an insiders view on this.

My b/f went away in Dec to travel the world. We left things 'up in the air' if you like. By March we were still mailing and using messenger to say how much we loved each other. Nothing seemed to have changed.

Close to his return, we had made many plans for what we both wanted in the long-term and all seemed well.

Until I asked how many people he had slept with on his travels and nearly fell down when I heard the number 9...

needless to say this has left a burning imprint in my mind; and altho he tells me that none of the girls meant anything to him. He did sleep with some of them on more than one occasion, so i'm now left with some terrible mental pictures.

He says that the travelling life is 'not real'. I need to understand what that means. He says that it is not real life and that it is a difficult thing to understand.

Can anyone out there shed some light on the realities of sex and travelling. Does everyone do it? Is it all part of the package...

My head hurts with all this and altho he tells me that I'm the only one he wants and that none of those sexual experiences mean anything to him; I still feel weird.

Any (even harsh) advice will be appreciated...I need to understand that the whole travel thing is about..

Thanks

2. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 10y

Travel is what you make of it. To your friend, it seems to be a way to find women - and that really is only one in a very long list of reasons to travel.

I'm not sure what he means by "travelling life is not real"... every action you make or don't make - regardless if you are travelling - makes an impact. He seems kind of deslusional.

3. Posted by karolin155 (Budding Member 60 posts) 10y

For me travelling is very real. I got to know myself much better than ever before because I was in so many unusual situations and met so many different people. But before I left for eight months I split up with my bf because I knew I wanted to have a lot of fun and I was sure that he was not my "Mr. Right". It was hard for him but at least he didn´t have to wait for me... During my travels I met my current bf-a Kiwi. We only had four months together over there but when I came home I knew I would wait for him and it never came in my mind to have sex with anybody else. I think when you are sure to have "The One" then you don´t want to have sex with other people just for fun, even when it seems unreal for you during travelling. Maybe your bf really loves you and for him the other girls are really not important but now it is up to you if you can live with that or not. I couldn´t, even travelling can be very strange sometimes and you can´t believe what is just happening but it is real (you can get really hurted or really loose all your money...)
Find out what you still feel for your boyfriend and if you can forgive him. It wouldn´t make sense if you would always be jealous from now on and always see another girl with him.

4. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 10y

He's messaging you with words of love but sleeps with 9 different chicks?

Dump him.

5. Posted by ChubbDub (Full Member 132 posts) 10y

Quoting james

He's messaging you with words of love but sleeps with 9 different chicks?

Dump him.

ERRRRRRTTT!!! thats a buzzer. I echo that post 100%. Travelling is about meeting people, but 9 chicks sounds like hes got a strict agenda.

6. Posted by Demian (Full Member 117 posts) 10y

It is true in a way that travelling makes you forget everything else in the world. In a contradictionary way, you expand your world (by seeing more of this planet), but at the same time you narrow your world (more the mental than the physical) down to only what you see and where you are at that moment.

For me travelling means I leave everything behind. Even my girlfriend. But that never meant I slept with other girls, though I was tempted on more than one occasion...

To come to my point: if someone tries to make you believe everything in travelling is unreal, that is true in a way. But if he tries to persuade you that is a legal excuse to sleep with 9(!) other women, that's way over the top. Sounds like he hasn't decided with who'm he wants to spend the rest of his life with, but -to say it very cruel- it aint you... If it were, he wouldn't have slept with others at all. Or maybe one, but he wouldn't have confessed it to you. If it would have been only one, he might get away with his 'everything is different while travelling, even your conscience'-excuse, but níne...

But, in a way, you have to give him some sort of respect for his honesty (or was ik bragging??)

Anyway, I would seriously reconsider your relationship with this guy. If he's done this once, he can do it again, and that's not the kind of guy you want to be with, do you? But, I guess, if you really love him (and love makes blind), and want to go on with him, you could try to overcome this. But I would be suspicious for the rest of my relationship, especially when he goes travelling on his own again. (maybe you should go with him once, to check out and see for yourself how unreal the travellersworld actually is...)

Good luck and all the best, you deserve it!!

7. Posted by nah (Budding Member 16 posts) 10y

I too am an 'untraveller' but this is more about life and morals than travelling. Dump him, a leopard never changes his spots.