to breathe, to bleed.
i think, i get nowhere. it takes me everywhere. i can feel it all, just feel. life lives on, a story only as amazing as you make it. night minutes pass with a chill wind and a wandering mind on a bench beneath a skyward train station, a half-closed street life with electric lanterns struggling for illumination.
ill live, and move in the motion of my dream. wordlessly and eloquently explained or not in every action, desicion and meeting i spend in passing time.
they'll leave, i'll leave, company comes and goes. what was, always will be. in words, what we share is untouchable. a memory is a treasure not measurable by anything; a future is a beauty incomparable to heaven, or even to the former.
how could i explain... anything. everything. i want to write, i want to talk, i want to tell anyone everything, just to share that happiness with someone. i want to keep silent and let them just feel the same. just be able to smile and know, understand.
but its impossible. it is for me to cherish.. and what they feel is for them to cherish.
i understand this now.
its an understanding you're alone. you are you and for that there holds nothing else.
but its an undestanding that in this you are never alone. you will always have someone, if you let them in. you will share times, and whatever the future holds what you had is as would be carved in stone, to never fade until the memory of those bearing it forget.
if you could live these days as to be driven only by your own thoughts and beliefs.. i thought that once to be a blessing you could never achieve.
but all that you miss, all the misguided advice and influences you couldn't avoid, all that comes with the people you know..
it is a reason to drive forward, to make you understand what you believe that much more.
everything you might lose is well worth all you could gain, for the life you leave unlived is a past you can't change.
ultimately where does this leave me? well all here the same, in a chair in my apartment, four in the morning again. Thoughts they will wander, and my life smiles on, the words that will leave me, make me forever so set.
maybe it wont take me anywhere, maybe ill understand even less, but in the meantime i'll smile, and be sure to appreciate it nonetheless.
if this is the end?
everything i don't understand, every fault and mistake and flaw i am, every stupid thing about me that makes me feel insane..
i couldn't ask for anything more.
without doubt, would it really be the same?
i hope you understand why
i love everything.
"they say that the captain, goes down with the ship. but this ain't the dakota, and the waters cold.." -brand new
if you think you need a reason to live.. you're wrong.
living is its own reason.
So i'll keep on walking. chances are, i'm smiling.