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would you consider it...?

Travel Forums General Talk would you consider it...?

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21. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 9y

Olaf, I don't think your criticism is justified. With no word did Mim imply that this was a real life situation, she started off with If someone close to you was quite ill.. ' which is conditional sense. Most of us assumed that it was a real life situation. I did anyway, because it makes you think harder about what to say.
And I don't think it's negative to think or talk about mortality, we'll all go sooner or later and it shouldn't be anything to be afraid of. Of course thinking about losing somebody is very sad but it makes you realise what you have with this person and how you would feel it he/she was gone. And that makes you appreciate the person much more.
There's so much bad stuff out there and it's up to us how we deal with it. Talking about things helps us to cope. Seeing somebody else's point of view broadens our horizon if we are willing to listen to the person. But if we just put the person down as ignorant or bad we lose out on a great opportunity to learn about ourselves.

22. Posted by oslaue (Full Member 571 posts) 9y

i understand the comments made against mine...but why bother posting something that is not happening or know of someone who is in that situation?

so i would assume that this is a real case, thats all.

23. Posted by george1979 (Full Member 101 posts) 9y

No chance- if it was someone close to you whom you loved then how could you bring yourself to leave? I couldn't. Some things just have to take priority, none more so than family or loved ones. I've had experience of this, taking care of my mother when she was sick and my brother when he needed me which has delayed my travels by a few years. The way i see it is at least i can go travelling now - they can't.

24. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 9y

Quoting oslaue

but why bother posting something that is not happening or know of someone who is in that situation?

Because we, as humans, have analytical minds and learn from postulation. Most everything we know and use today has been born of someone else's hypotheses. It's the "what if" scenario. If I do this, what happens? If I go here, what's there? If someone close to you is ill, what would you do? It's the scientific equation put into action. It's purely a learning tool that can also be applied to real life. (Simply put - live and learn.)

25. Posted by magykal1 (Travel Guru 2026 posts) 9y

Tough one, innit. If it were me I'd probably make quite a ruthless and apparently selfish decision about going travelling, and then regret it and come home early.

26. Posted by Gelli (Travel Guru 2457 posts) 9y

It's obviously a very tricky and personal decision. For me, the person in question and their mindframne etc, along with a kind of rational analysis of who will be left behind with them is by far the most important thing, and needs to overrule your personal/heart feelings.
In some cases, having 10 or so people always around them can actually tire them out so that they die sooner. If you are there, you will try and visit as much as possible, and that might not always be as good a thing as either of you expect. Especially if you are only gone for a shorter month/two period, it can sometimes actively be a good thing for them, as they work extra hard to still be around when you get back.

I've had similar decision to make twice in the past. Once i stayed, once i went, and both turned out to be the correct decision, more or less. Admittedly i was never been so far away that i couldn't easily-ish [for me] get back in 2 or 3 days or so, but i still went.

I have had the opposite as well, with the decision of whether to come back or not due to illness/injury/other. Parts of the story with as much in the way of details as I am prepared to show publicly are on my blog somewhere, but in brief when I was away, 3 very close people to me had major problems within a very short space of time [2 days]. It was the hardest thing in the world not to return - I had even bought a first class flight [yes, me, buying a flight] because i couldn't get a standard class one.

However, a huge fortune in phone calls and day or so later i was convinvced to delay it at least a few days, and anotehr fotune and week later, eventually both "parties" talked me out of returning for different reasons. It took a heck of allot of effort by them, and essentially it took them ordering me not to, before i finally agreed not to return immediately (i didn't cancel the ticket completely for 3months).

I was an utter mess for week or so, struggling for a fair while longer. It put a whole in my trip at the time and also sadly affected a chunk of people i had met along the way etc as well, certainly loosing me some good friends i'd made. I sure as heck didn't like staying [i also pondered turning up without anybody knowing, but rulled that out as well for different reasons]. I later realised that it was right for me not to return - and learnt a heck of allot from the whole episode - and did actually work out for the best for them, which is what the bottom line really is.

It's not about you and whether you feel guilty/want to stay at all. It's more about what they want you to so in such situations. However harsh that can sound.

Good luck and best wishes to all concerned in the situation.

27. Posted by faunafan (Budding Member 8 posts) 9y

actually travelled to visit a close relative who was ill who didnt survive her illness after which i went away for a week to get distracted from the grief and it did help

28. Posted by mim (Travel Guru 1276 posts) 9y

oslaue- I'm sorry to have to say this but I don't think that you've really thought about how you've replied to this topic and you haven't read what I've said very carefully.

I said that I wasn't going to say what the situation is on the forums because quite frankly I don't want my personal business on the internet on a site which thousands on thousands of complete strangers can read.

at the same time I value many tp members opinions so wanted to see what people thought about the topic.

Life isn't all sweetness and light and its important to discuss things like this for many reasons.

29. Posted by mim (Travel Guru 1276 posts) 9y

To everyone else I appreciate your thoughts and opinions as always tp comes up trumps with the thoughtful and considered replies!

30. Posted by kindred (Full Member 22 posts) 9y

Interesting, this was another "hurdle" to my going to China. My mother and I had a very "troubled" relationship, but in the end my siblings bailed on her - strange seeing as she preferred them and they inherited the estate.

I felt morally I had to wait for her to die, I know that sounds a tad harsh, but she was dying, needed someone to try and feed her three times a day - it was the humane thing to do, I would have done it for a stranger if I had been asked to -

So I waited, she died, and a few months later I was off to China with a clear conscience knowing that I had at least behaved like a humane person and seen the final chapter through to its ending.

I think if I hadnt they would have found someway to throw the remains in a dumpster or something - I know this isnt the hypothetical question put forth here, and I assume there are other care givers present, but in the end you only get that one last chance to do what your heart tells you to do -

Having someone die while you are overseas is also a weird thing, you dont get that closure and it doesnt seem real somehow when you arent there for the funeral and reality doesnt really set in until you come home again. This happened to a friend of mine and I know he has regrets about not being there for a final visit -