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Any experence with overseas relationships??

Travel Forums General Talk Any experence with overseas relationships??

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11. Posted by Mr Gecko (Inactive 34 posts) 9y

i wouldnt look at comparing relationships from some of the other members here in this form eg someone from ireland dating someone in england, 1) its dirt cheap to fly to england or to get the boat over
2) there is no time zone difference 3) its cheap to phone england 4) if one wants one can fly to england every weekend!!!
5) guardanteed to see your mrs 1-2 times a month at least! it only costs 30-100 quid for a return flight. maybe back in the day that was all expensive but in europe to date seeing someone in another country is very easy.

but this isnt about england its about argentina and all the above points is what you have to look at.

my personal opinion and some experience from dating my x-girlfriend when she went back to South Africa is that they can work,
but think of long term down the line...where is it actually going to go? so much effort is required! and there is a huge amount of frustration!
ever have an argument over the phone? so frustrating! plus my x girlfriends english was excellent not her first langauge but sometimes she totally mis-understood me to what i said on the phone, in text messages etc...

its always nice reading those nice storys about long distance relationships working....those kind of people are very patient people...i aint patient, im very demanding. and i reckon out of every 100 long distance relationships....only 10 will last!...

whats the point of dating someone if you never see them?

i personally believe if its meant to be and people love another as much as they say to do then one is willing to make the decision of moving to anothers country.

me and my x didnt work out...she had to study and i was very tempted but at the same time we are very young to move to south africa...so we got no choice but to be patient.

not only that she will meet other guys and i to meet other women. if you can avoid seeing this argentinian girl i would...see it as a holiday fling.

but also see how you feel in 6 months time when you are not with this argentian girl...if those feelings are still so strong, then take some serious action!

i often meet people who do long distance relationships but at the same time they are with other women too! if you can do this
and get away with it then thats the best option...having a long distance...whats the point? your better of living in argentina or flying her ass to the usa...

goodluck and i do hope it works out...just cos it didnt work out for me and others doesnt mean it wont work for you...but i know that i will never do a long distance relationship again...there is a good chance that i will be with my x again...maybe one day...but not for now...we aint ready for each other yet...

[ Edit: Edited on Feb 5, 2007, at 4:57 AM by Mr Gecko ]

12. Posted by Kathi20 (Respected Member 270 posts) 9y

I have to agree with Mr.Gecko about the 'England-Ireland long distance relationship'.

I would never ever call it a 'long distance', (see Mr.Gecko's reasons)

Another important thing for me is Visas. It is still 'easy' to hop on the plane and visit your bf/gf overseas (even if it is 24hrs flight, like it was with me, that means at least 2 days of travelling just to get there) but who has ever considered that you might not b allowed to enter (reenter) the country? (I can tell you a story about that... but well, I beat the system and went back again)

The advice mentioned in the pther replies was pretty good I'd say. Patience is definitely important, but also heaps of optimism. You two will get tested a lot and that's when u'll see what u'll do/go through and it will also make you realise how much u love her.

People who travel (often for a few weeks/months in a country) love it and want to live there, just because of what they saw while travelling. In my eyes that is very naive, because only when you try to settle down there, get work ( a work permit), get your qualification recognised etc. that's when u find out what it is really like to live there. If you r lucky enough it will b a country with open minded people, so at least u won't have to deal with a lot of other issues. Sorry for mentioning in, but for example I'm glad that my husband is a white South African, bec we had enough problems here in my homecountry (and people told me on the phone' We wouldn't emply blacks anyway). Always consider cultural differences, but in our relationsip it is not a problem at all (we found our way to deal with it).

The next thing: where r u gonna live? Is it gonna b ur/her homecountry, is it gonna b somwhere else (r u/is she allowed to stay there for long)? My husband and I met in NZ, it was good, as we both were born and raised somwhere else. Now that we came to my homecountry I had to watch my husband be so unhappy in the first two months. I tried everything to make it easier for him to settle in, but there are things you just can't change.
It wasn't my idea to come here, he wanted to see it and was willing to move to a country where he doesn't know the language, the culture etc.

People keep asking us, where we r goin to settle. the answer? we don't know. Go with the flow and see how things will work out for us. I mean, who says that he will get his permit extended this year?

We have been through a lot, I hardly mentioned anything here, as I'm writing too much already anyway. We had so many moments when I just cried on my husband's shoulder, being scared things won't work out (him getting deported etc.), but there was one thing that always helped us: our love.

Yes, things are easier with someone from your own country/culture etc. but as I always say: my heart decided who I fell in love with, not my mind.

all the best for u two

Kathrin

13. Posted by yoeun88 (Budding Member 20 posts) 9y

If you can get a long distance relationship to work then i wanna know the secret. I tried to get mine to work out with my friend from wales and i live in the US. Its just too far and torture for the both of us. Also im not rich so i cant go see her too often which indeed stinks! So...i have no choice but to date fellow americans .....lame!

14. Posted by Kathi20 (Respected Member 270 posts) 9y

The secret?

I tell you our secret:

When you have found the one, you obviously love him more than anything else. That also includes you are not interested in other people and would never think of flirting, going out, kissing, having sex with someone else (etc.) (at least that's my definition of a serious relationship)
Some people will know what I mean, you can walk down the streets and there might b 100 good looking guys/hot chicks, but u wouldn't care, because the most beautilful girl/most handsome guy is already in love with u. There are so many things making an overseas relationship tough anyway, so why would you want to make it more complicated with cheating? I'd say it always depends on the situation. If you meet a girl a few weeks bfore heading back home and both of u aren't too sure where the realtionship is gonna take you, then u should take it easy and just see what happens. If you think it's too much work keeping your love alife that should b reason enough to realise, that you are not very serious about it anyway and u r better off datin someone else. If you leave and both of you agree, that this is meant to b, then u'll do everything to see this girl again and live with her 'happily ever after' ;)

There's one thing noone has mentioned yet and for me personally it's not the most important part, but still an impotartant part and that's ur sexual life while being apart. Being a woman, some men might not agree with me, but I just think back of my husband and we both managed to survive for six months without any physical attention, it was tough but we did it. And why were we able to do it? Bec we knew we had a special realtionship and did everything we could possibly do!

It might sound 'schmaltzy' all this talk about love, but I just wanted to tell you, it is possible for overseas relationships to work. ;)

15. Posted by Gemi9bear (Budding Member 86 posts) 9y

Here's mine: I met my bf when he came to Malaysia and he went back to Europe in January and that was when the harder part of the relationship began. We kept in touch via MSN everyday and also making phone calls to each other. We are positive in building our lives together and I guess it's love at heart that makes everything works. Come what may'..just keep your fingers crossed and have faith+trust in each other. We also plan our vacation together, what kinda things we can do together, when he comes back again in April. Everything looks good if both parties have the common things that they can look forward to together. We just simply call to acknowledge that we miss each other, and it really makes our relationship stronger. Good Luck in yours too! ;)

16. Posted by vegasmike6 (Travel Guru 3562 posts) 9y

I met my GF in DaLat VN just walking down the street. She and her classmate wanted to practice their English and I wanted someone to have dinner with. We have gone from there and are still committed to each other four yeras later. It is difficult to make it work when in you factor in; distance, culture and age. But, so far so good, and hopefully we can make it as a couple.

17. Posted by kombizz (Full Member 1416 posts) 9y

Return! That to a heart

RETURN! that to a heart wounded full sore
Valiance and strength may enter in; return!
And Life shall pause at the deserted door,
The cold dead body breathe again and burn.
Oh come! and touch mine eyes, of thy sweet grace,
For I am blind to all but to thy face.
Open the gates and bid me see once more!

Like to a cruel Ethiopian band,
Sorrow despoiled the kingdom of my heart
Return! glad Lord of Rome, and free the land;
Before thine arms the foe shall break and part.
See now, I hold a mirror to mine eyes,
And nought but thy reflection therein lies;
The glass speaks truth to them that understand.

Night is with child, hast thou not heard men say?
"Night is with child! what will she bring to birth?"
I sit and ask the stars when thou'rt away.
Oh come! and when the nightingale of mirth
Pipes in the Spring-awakened garden ground,
In Hafez' heart shall ring a sweeter sound,
Diviner nightingales attune their lay.

- Hafez

18. Posted by Libera87 (Budding Member 2 posts) 9y

When I was teaching English in Hungary, I met a guy who went to the church I was staying at. He seemed like a nice guy, and so I was friendly and felt like we got along well as friends. I was only in Hungary for 2 1/2 weeks. Although I noticed he paid me some special attention, I tried to ignore it, despite the fact that I was beginning to love being in his presence. I knew it wasn't practical, and I hardly knew him. He never declared anything, and I never asked. We decided to write each other letters because he didn't have internet in his apartment, although he did have an email address.

Since then, he has been increasingly attentive. I've received several letters, many emails, not to mention, a phone call and many text messages. I still don't think it is practical, despite what my heart tells me. He does not speak perfect English, and I speak little to no Hungarian. He understands maybe 70% of what I say... and I understand much less of what he says.

any thoughts?

19. Posted by Kathi20 (Respected Member 270 posts) 9y

Go back and see what it's like, if you need to find out for yourself. Maybe you'll go there and you will ask yourself why you did it. Mabe you'll find out, that you really have strong feelings for this guy.

in the meantime do a course to learn some hunagrian. Ask him, if he would consider learning more English, in case he can afford it. that would probably help you two to communicate better.

I hope you learned for the next time... be more selfconfident and open and just go and talk to people about things...

20. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 9y

Quoting tway

My only advice is to live your life fully, even when you're apart.

Nudge, nudge, wunk, wink