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Travelling and Human Relationships

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31. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 9y

In my last job in Ireland before I left on this trip I was the only female working in an office with nine men.
I can defintiely say that there was never minor issues which escalated in the way that this current one has.

That said, i really missed a bit of female company in the office and found that the guys were just a bunch of grumps generally. They put their heads down and worked solidly all day behind their computers and only spoke to me when it was work-related, most of the time. That can be just as unpleasant as having to work with a pair of histrionic over-inflated females.

A gender top- heavy environment is never good, whether its male or female, in my opinion. A balance is nice. And both sexes are capable of being equally petty and kniving when it comes to the workplace.
When you get two of the same type of personality that clash, its a receipe for disaster!

32. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 9y

Quoting Q'

Quoting tway

I have to agree with Purdy - men are a lot easier to talk to. I think it's because women are raised, however subconsciously, to see one another as competition.

And men don't compete ???

Of course! I think the difference is that - in general, of course - men see one another as competitors, whereas women see one another as competition.

33. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 9y

Quoting Mel.

Quoting tway

The whole men-women dynamic is made a little easier - I'm almost ashamed to say, but nonetheless believe it's largely true - through flirtation. I don't mean people flirt to get what they want, I simply mean that cross-gender relationships come with some sort of unspoken dynamic that uses flirtation to break the ice and form a bond - even between coworkers.

...men enjoy when women flirt with them. It makes them feel succesful. It is flattering. But the workplace is not a place for flirting. In order to assess how good your communication style in the workplace is, ask yourself, if u are getting the pay raises and promotions u should be getting, for your level of experience and expertise?

Mel

Maybe flirting is the wrong word. I didn't mean to imply men and women out-and-out being lewd or overtly sexual to try to get ahead. I meant - as I stated above - that there's this unspoken dynamic between men and women that facilitates communication and relationships - even in the workplace. Maybe it's the yin balancing out the yang - I don't know. Maybe it's the way we were raised. But if you watch interactions in the workplace you can see it - a kind of subtle balancing out when men and women interract. Call it flirting or something else, but it's palpable.

34. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 9y

I know exactly what you mean Tway. It's a sort of subconscious thing even I think. I can feel that I am acting exactly the same as I always do but the dynamics between a female colleague and a male colleague can be very different.

I think at the end of the day it has more to do with yourself than anything. A lot of women are even nervous of other women, and they can project a hostility that they dont towards men. I think that usually just comes from having been burnt in the past by another female. It leaves you a bit more predisposed towards interacting with men.

And it's not something to apologise for. Some women can interact better with men, it doesnt mean they are total flirts. If other women have a problem with that, it speaks more about themselves that it does about you.

I'm learnign more and more that all you can do is just be yourself. It's impossible to get on with everyone, its just life I suppose. The biggest challenge is to not let yourself get bothered by people you just dont gel with, not to get sucked into the pettiness. Because it just draining and brings out the worst in everyone involved.

35. Posted by Herr Bert (Moderator 1384 posts) 9y

Quoting Mel.

Women will handle this stress, in a different way, than men will. Women commonly talk about their feelings, and then start to feel better. Men dont talk about it, and after a while feel better.

I guess I am not a man after all.

Men don't talk that is absolutely true, but that is true for every situation, and that is what makes us (men) so absolute jerks. Men don't feel better after a while, but pretend they do. (95% chance, that he will be complaining at home)

Men rather drive around 15 times the same block, to find the place, they have to be, than ask someone, Men rather stare at 15 menus, of restaurants, rather than ask a local, where he can find a good, and cheap restaurant. Sounds familiar? The same is true for work.

A man wants to do work the way he thinks he needs to do it. He will never ask somebody else how he or she does the same job, not even if he finds out someone else is doing that a lot faster. For a man, not being able to discover how something is done best, and needing to ask for help (or directions) is like going to hell and back.

Personaly I think a mixture of both sexes works the best, and as far as talking is concerned, men never have something interesting to tell anyway. (work, work, work, sport, cars, women ... and that's about it). I don't like competition on the workfloor, if you are working for one company, you should realize, that you are working together. The competition is on, with another company, but not within a company or an office. (I know I stand alone in, thinking like that, and that's one of the reasons I can't work in a big company.)

36. Posted by Herr Bert (Moderator 1384 posts) 9y

Quoting samsara2

I'm learnign more and more that all you can do is just be yourself. It's impossible to get on with everyone, its just life I suppose. The biggest challenge is to not let yourself get bothered by people you just dont gel with, not to get sucked into the pettiness. Because it just draining and brings out the worst in everyone involved.

Very true, I once learned, there are about 8 or 9 charactertypes, you can see it as a circle, the closer, the other person is on that circle, the bigger the chance you can get on with some like that person. For every type, there is also a type that is opposite to yourself. You will find that the chance that you can't get along with her/him is higher. Sometimes you just meet someone (usualy not by your own choice), that really is the opposite. Best thing to do is to keep polite, do whatever you need to do, and to don't invest time or effort to try to let him/her like you, because it just will not happen.

[ Edit: Edited on Mar 6, 2007, at 5:40 PM by Herr Bert ]

37. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 9y

Who gives a flying fcuk about men and women at work?

Truth of the matter, is that the only things that matter to guys are beer, pizza and sex. The more of each, the happier he will be.

I'm grumpy today.....must be this tuna sandwich and orange juice

38. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 9y

Quoting tway

Quoting Q'

And men don't compete ???

Of course! I think the difference is that - in general, of course - men see one another as competitors, whereas women see one another as competition.

I'm reminded of what someone told me about boxing. The best boxers aren't the hardest hitters, it's the ones that can take the most hits and recover quickest to keep on fighting. There's just no time to deal with the emotions arising after a fight in business.

It's really too bad since I tend to see engineering as a nurturing process.

39. Posted by Mel. (Travel Guru 4567 posts) 9y

Quoting Purdy

I work in a traditionally male dominated arena so there are less women generally but l hate silly bitchiness and issues festering and GENERALLY you dont get this working in a male dominated environment. Now its not perfect but its just my personal preference.

Would it be that your work is not at a competitive standard, and that is why u have not noticed that men are competitive?
And have u not heard them bitching about others, because they do not trust u, with their real feelings, about people?

40. Posted by Mel. (Travel Guru 4567 posts) 9y

Quoting samsara2

A gender top- heavy environment is never good, whether its male or female, in my opinion. A balance is nice. And both sexes are capable of being equally petty and kniving when it comes to the workplace.
When you get two of the same type of personality that clash, its a receipe for disaster!

Hello Samara

I think u are right.
But, at the moment, even when there are some women, in the top positions, in companies, these are women, who tend to communicate in a more masculine way. So the company retains its male culture, making it difficult for women, in general, to get ahead.

Mel

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