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Will she stay after she comes to America?

Travel Forums General Talk Will she stay after she comes to America?

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1. Posted by J_Field07 (Budding Member 2 posts) 9y

Hello

My name is John and I'm on my mid-forties, I had not been lucky when it comes to relationships, it's not that I’m some repressed middle-aged who’s never been on a relationship before, don't get me wrong. In fact, I have been on a couple of healthy relationships in the past, but for some reason they never worked out.
For quite a while, after breaking up with my former partner, I know it sounds too sentimental, but I started to lose faith in love because I really thought…That’s it, she’s the one. Well, I was mistaken.
In consequence of that, this friend of mine advised me to take this tour to Russia, as a way of relaxing and having a good time, because he said that I’d meet beautiful women and have fun. At first, I can’t deny it, I was doubtful about it, but after thinking it over I made up my mind. Therefore, with nothing to lose (except for a couple of bucks) I went on the tour and indeed I met this gorgeous, smart and sincere gal, we just simply hit it off after meeting each other, we had the best time together while I was in Russia, and ever since I came back to the States we kept in touch almost every day by phone, chat, and e-mails.

We’re on a one-year relationship now and I am very serious with her, I know it's hard to have long distance relationship, the fact of not being close one to the other is almost unbearable but we are coming through it.
Over the past year, I went back to visit her on three occasions and we also have talked about her moving to the States and she seems ok with it.
Lately, I have been thinking about popping the question once she moves over, of course she doesn’t know about it.

But here are my concerns:

Do you think I am rushing things? Or should I just go for it and propose?
I know it‘s hard to say, but do you think it will work. You know, my being American and her being Russian? Or is it that you think she will have a hard time adapting to America and she’ll just feel like going back to Russia because of homesickness or any other reason.

I would really appreciate to shed some light on this matter.

Thanks

2. Posted by Herr Bert (Moderator 1384 posts) 9y

I am gonna keep it short and simple:

If you don't try, you will never know.

OK, one more question: would you do the opposite? Imagine she couldn't stay in the US (homesick, or maybe other reasons), would you move to Russia, to be with her?

3. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 9y

Everyone's is different and everyone adapts differently. Have you discussed what your relationship's proverbial "next steps" are? Are you willing, as Herr Bert pointed out, to move to Russia if she decides to move back home? Be open and honest about where you each feel the relationship will go - that will help guide you on what to do next.

And as for 'is it too soon' - only you know what's best! The strangest situations imaginable have worked out just fine. It really all depends on the people involved and their willingess to see things through. In the end, don't listen to anyone but yourselves!

4. Posted by Petra M (Budding Member 65 posts) 9y

I agree with Herr Bert - you don't know unless you try. I know you are probably afraid of rejection but, if you believe that there is a strong attraction between you both then I say yes, pop the question. I trust that you already have a honest and open relationship so far, and communicate with each other on a regular basis. When she does arrive, I hope you try your best to make her feel welcome and help her adjust to an American way of life. Perhaps there is a Russian club near by that will help her whenever she feels homesick? And, if she doesn't like America - would you be willing to move some where else with her? Always keep an open mind - you may both have to comprimise to make it work.

I wish you lots of luck!

Cheers,

Petra M, Vancouver

5. Posted by hillis (Budding Member 11 posts) 9y

If I were in your situation, I would indeed have her come to the US. But I wouldn't pop the question just yet. She'll need a lot of time to adjust to life over here, and you'll both need a lot of time to adjust to one another. Live together for a while. It takes a lot of time to really know a person. And there are always issues of space when two people begin sharing it. If after 3 to 6 months (I would say) everything is happy and fine, then go ahead and pop the question. (Any longer than 6 months and she might start to wonder what's taking you so long.)

6. Posted by spam (Budding Member 18 posts) 9y

hello,
as a representative of russian women:))))) i would say that you should try!! if she speaks englis and i guess she does as you communicate somehow:) it will not take so superlong for her to adjust to usa if basically she is willing to move...
and about if you would move to russia or not...i doubt to put a question like this...the wealthy level is different and you dont speak probably much russian and there are some other things also..so better dont ask yourself such philosophical questions like would i move to russia or not..it will never bring you to any positive thinking..
think also about this woman that waits for you all this time and keeps in touch and so on while there are plenty of men around..it should mean something, no??

7. Posted by Mel. (Travel Guru 4567 posts) 9y

Quoting J_Field07

Hello
Do you think I am rushing things? Or should I just go for it and propose?
I know it‘s hard to say, but do you think it will work. You know, my being American and her being Russian? Or is it that you think she will have a hard time adapting to America and she’ll just feel like going back to Russia because of homesickness or any other reason.

Hello J_Field

There is always more than one person, who can be the one, for us. It may be possible, that u have met another woman, that can be the one.
I dont think there is any need to rush into proposing. Why not invite your girlfriend, to visit u, for a month, rather than make the decision, to have her move over. If u have already suggested she live with u, be diplomatic, if u want to change it, to a vacation. She may think u are taking something away. Tell her, u want to give the relationship the best chance possible, by taking things slowly.
About u being American and her being Russian. I think the internet makes a big difference these days, when people live in foreign countries. I am from Ireland, but live in Germany. I am not talented with learning languages, so living here would be difficult, if I could not chat in English, with people on the internet, regularly. My boyfriend is Dutch. I think differences like being from different countries adds some spice, the relationship.

If u want to ensure, that u get good advise try
www.marsvenus.com
Click where it says
send in your question...
or
talk with an expert....
Those people really know what they are talking about. Whenever I have a relationship problem, I ask them. It is 20 dollars well spent.;)

Mel

8. Posted by Mel. (Travel Guru 4567 posts) 9y

Quoting spam

and about if you would move to russia or not...i doubt to put a question like this...the wealthy level is different and you dont speak probably much russian and there are some other things also..so better dont ask yourself such philosophical questions like would i move to russia or not..

I was thinking exactly that, Spam, but I did not know how to say it.;)

9. Posted by J_Field07 (Budding Member 2 posts) 9y

Quoting spam

hello,
and about if you would move to russia or not...i doubt to put a question like this...the wealthy level is different and you dont speak probably much russian and there are some other things also..so better dont ask yourself such philosophical questions like would i move to russia or not..it will never bring you to any positive thinking..
think also about this woman that waits for you all this time and keeps in touch and so on while there are plenty of men around..it should mean something, no??

Thank you for that spam, you're right I don't speak Russian at all, but she does speak English fluently, for me it would be like start all over again if I'm the one moving to Russia and that's something I cannot allow myself to do.

10. Posted by AndyHughes (Budding Member 2 posts) 9y

It's funny that I came across with this thread cause this other day I read this immigration report which I think it may be of your concern. It pretty much said that by marrying a foreign woman you have more than twice the chance of staying married than if you marry an American. By marrying an American you have a greater 250% of getting divorced.

So it seems the odds are on your site.

If you want to see the report, threre you go buddy.

http://www.loveme.com/information/immigration.htm#Report

Good luck!

[ Edit: Edited on Mar 28, 2007, at 1:27 PM by AndyHughes ]