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In lighter vein--lets share some jokes

Travel Forums Off Topic In lighter vein--lets share some jokes

1. Posted by arif_kool (Travel Guru 1757 posts) 9y

hi,

I found this interesting

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS*
Economies around the world:

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

  • INDIAN ECONOMICS *

You have two cows.
You worship them.

  • PAKISTAN ECONOMICS*

You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid,
China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes,
Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and
Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world

  • AMERICAN ECONOMICS*

You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will
be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

  • FRENCH ECONOMICS *

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

  • GERMAN ECONOMICS *

You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

  • BRITISH ECONOMICS *

You have two cows.
They are both mad.

  • ITALIAN ECONOMICS*

You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

  • SWISS ECONOMICS *

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

  • JAPANESE ECONOMICS*

You have two cows.
You re-design them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called
Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

  • CHINESE ECONOMICS *

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone
Reporting the actual numbers.

  • RUSSIAN ECONOMICS*

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of Vodka.

__._,_.___

Hope u all enjoyed

Arif

2. Posted by Herr Bert (Moderator 1384 posts) 9y

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except aut o-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud again.
S: DME volume confirmed set at 11.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

3. Posted by Hien (Moderator 3906 posts) 9y

Guys, please don't start another thread of the same thing. There's already one here running for almost two years and it's still active, with the last one posted only yesterday. It would be better if future jokes are continued there.

Joke of the day

4. Posted by Utrecht (Moderator 5596 posts) 9y

Quoting Hien

Guys, please don't start another thread of the same thing. There's already one here running for almost two years and it's still active, with the last one posted only yesterday. It would be better if future jokes are continued there.

Joke of the day

Jesus Hien, what's the problem? It's not that TP crashes right now. Sorry, but sometimes some people really overreact here.

5. Posted by Hien (Moderator 3906 posts) 9y

Quoting Utrecht

Quoting Hien

Guys, please don't start another thread of the same thing. There's already one here running for almost two years and it's still active, with the last one posted only yesterday. It would be better if future jokes are continued there.

Joke of the day


Jesus Hien, what's the problem? It's not that TP crashes right now. Sorry, but sometimes some people really overreact here.

Michael, as a moderator, I am obligated to guide members on certain things which (hopefully) could help the forum to become a better place for all members.

I have neither said it was a problem, nor deleted even a single post. So please read carefully the entire quote above, and see whether I overreacted.

6. Posted by Utrecht (Moderator 5596 posts) 9y

Quoting Hien

Quoting Utrecht

Quoting Hien

Guys, please don't start another thread of the same thing. There's already one here running for almost two years and it's still active, with the last one posted only yesterday. It would be better if future jokes are continued there.

Joke of the day


Jesus Hien, what's the problem? It's not that TP crashes right now. Sorry, but sometimes some people really overreact here.

Michael, as a moderator, I am obligated to guide members on certain things which (hopefully) could help the forum to become a better place for all members.

I have neither said it was a problem, nor deleted even a single post. So please read carefully the entire quote above, and see whether I overreacted.

Haven't changed my mind Hien;)
The thing is, after a while here in off topic or other forums questions will come back. I have seen some questions being asked a dozen times, and lots of times without an answer, just a link to a previous one. This way people are 'killing' TP. Everyone wants a serious answer to their questions, and although totally different, this applies to off topic as well.
You haven't said it was a problem, you are right about that, but there is totally not any significant thing that your post added. That's all what I ment to say, if there is no reasons or problem, so why bother to reply?
Oh well, maybe we have different opinions about that, that's fine with me actually as well.

7. Posted by Hien (Moderator 3906 posts) 9y

Quoting Utrecht

The thing is, after a while here in off topic or other forums questions will come back. I have seen some questions being asked a dozen times, and lots of times without an answer, just a link to a previous one. This way people are 'killing' TP. Everyone wants a serious answer to their questions, and although totally different, this applies to off topic as well.

You haven't said it was a problem, you are right about that, but there is totally not any significant thing that your post added. That's all what I ment to say, if there is no reasons or problem, so why bother to reply?

Does this thread contain a question that looks for an answer? No, it is just another one of those continue threads.

We moderators are always in contact with and contacted by many members; mostly regulars. So I know very well that many members do not wish to see a repeat case of the countless word association and 4/5/6 words in a sentence threads occupying much of the first page of Off-Topic forum virtually all the time. Would you like to see several threads lying around doing the same thing - asking for joke contributions? Maybe you're fine with it, but many other members aren't. Again, I'm not saying this thread is a problem now, but it has a potential to become one.

8. Posted by Utrecht (Moderator 5596 posts) 9y

So, what could be the problem in the future? Some jokes extra?
And really, if member contact you for this!!!.....
I think I will shut up right now, better for both/all of us.

9. Posted by arif_kool (Travel Guru 1757 posts) 9y

Another interesting one:

Women are complex creatures…
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don’t, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don’t, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don’t, you do not understand
If you visit her often,she thinks it is boring
If you don’t, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don’t, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it’s bad
If you don’t, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her
If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait
If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s way
If you visit another man, you’re not putting in “quality time”
If she is visited by another woman, “Oh it’s natural, we are girls”
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they a just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful……….WOMEN! …….

Arif