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GAYS/LESBIANS

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1. Posted by arif_kool (Travel Guru 1757 posts) 8y

I was wondering what drives a person to embrace gayism and lesbianism

1. Is it the natural urge which is too hard to resist?
2. Is it burden of commitment which is relatively less in such relationships.
3. Is it the thrill of experiencing something different?

I have come across many gays/lesbians and observed one thing in common:

In almost all such relations, one of the partners is dominant and he/she usually looks beyond and is heterosexual, while the other is subdued and content with being a gay or a lesbian

Arif

2. Posted by Herr Bert (Moderator 1384 posts) 8y

Quoting arif_kool

I was wondering what drives a person to embrace gayism and lesbianism

1. Is it the natural urge which is too hard to resist?
2. Is it burden of commitment which is relatively less in such relationships.
3. Is it the thrill of experiencing something different?

I have come across many gays/lesbians and observed one thing in common:

In almost all such relations, one of the partners is dominant and he/she usually looks beyond and is heterosexual, while the other is subdued and content with being a gay or a lesbian

Arif

If you call it an urge that you fall in love with somebody of the same sex (or possibly both) than I would say number 1 is the case. And why would you need to resist something as beautiful as love?

Number 2 makes me laugh. Number 3, if different becomes normal, it isn't different anymore, or is it? I don't share the observation you make as being specific for gays. I see a lot of hetrosexuals where one of the two is dominant.

3. Posted by Mel. (Travel Guru 4567 posts) 8y

Quoting arif_kool

I was wondering what drives a person to embrace gayism and lesbianism

What a question!!!!!
I think a person does not embrace it as such but realises they are attracted more to members of their own sex in a sexual way than members of the opposite sex.

4. Posted by arif_kool (Travel Guru 1757 posts) 8y

Quoting Herr Bert

If you call it an urge that you fall in love with somebody of the same sex (or possibly both) than I would say number 1 is the case. And why would you need to resist something as beautiful as love?

Number 2 makes me laugh. Number 3, if different becomes normal, it isn't different anymore, or is it? I don't share the observation you make as being specific for gays. I see a lot of hetrosexuals where one of the two is dominant.

Love in almost all the cases is preceded by lust.

Many a times in crowded trains i have experienced some guys trying to rub my "outlying" asset, if i dont resist, they tend to get even more adventurous, surely lust was driving them.

U rightly point out that Number 3 isnt any different when it becomes normal.

5. Posted by arif_kool (Travel Guru 1757 posts) 8y

Quoting Mel.

What a question!!!!!
I think a person does not embrace it as such but realises they are attracted more to members of their own sex in a sexual way than members of the opposite sex.

In India, many middle-aged ladies have become lesbians due to a factor which is beyond the natural attraction to the members of their own sex.

They feel safe when in a lesbian relationship as their is no fear of being exploited or back-mailed by the opposite sex, no fear of getting unwanted pregnancy, not much commitment so that they can carry on their normal family life. In other words pure fun and lust and doing something different is driving them which may later turn out to be something serious

arif

6. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 8y

You're not thinking of batting for the other team now are you Arif?

7. Posted by Erik85 (Respected Member 274 posts) 8y

A very interesting question! Although I'm straight, I wrote a thesis in the areas bisexuality and mental health and have met quite a few gay and lesbian people so I've kind of thought about such things a lot myself and some of my research was on this area.

Quoting Mel.

I think a person does not embrace it as such but realises they are attracted more to members of their own sex in a sexual way than members of the opposite sex.

I like this definition but I think it goes beyond just a sexual way - there are many gay/lesbian couples that are emotionally bonded just like any other couple!

Personally I don't think it's a matter of finding reasons or explanations of why someone is gay or lesbian, it's something that differs for each person, has a multitude of influences and would be very hard to articulate. Think about the question of what drives you to be heterosexual? It's hard to give a personalised response without saying simple things like "cus thats how we make babies", or "that's how it's always been" etc :) And of course the reasons will differ between people

Arif I think no. 1 is the best description you've listed, and I haven't really seen your observation! I'm not sure what you mean "looks beyond and is heterosexual"? If they are with one of the same sex they probably aren't heterosexual! Perhaps they don't look like the gay or lesbian stereotype which is heavily constructed by media and so forth?
Gay/lesbian people extend much beyond their often sexualised stereotypes (ie. the effeminate male with a lisp and a huge sex drive), and may look and act just as a heterosexual - but you may never know this cus if one doesn't look or act like the gay/lesbian stereotype then you will often assume they are heterosexual. Using this logic, you would have never "seen" a gay/lesbian person until you've seen someone who meets the stereotypes, which might not be true!

An interesting discussion though! Would be nice to see the opinion of a gay/lesbian here if they are comfortable with talking about this in a public forum!

Erik

PS:

Quoting james

You're not thinking of batting for the other team now are you Arif?

If it's vs Australia he might want to bat for the other team! Go Symonds and Hoggs, saved our asses!

[ Edit: Edited on Jan 2, 2008, at 12:26 AM by Erik85 ]

8. Posted by SeeTheSky (Respected Member 558 posts) 8y

My cousin is gay. Guys just didn't do it for her. i remember seeing her with her boyfriends, and she was so... disintrested. She was always very tomboyish, but very girly at the same time. if you met her on the street, you would think she is straight by how she looks, but she conducts herself very confidently, more like a man, i would say
Lesbianism is just her; she didn't just decide to be gay, she just likes women. when i was little, i realized she had a crush on gwen stefani back when she was just the regular ol' singer of no doubt.

i don't think gay/lesbianism is so complicated. I think the question is exactly the same as asking why heterosexual people like the opposite sex. it just is what it is.

here's a better way to think about it; if the majority of the planet was gay, and you were hetero, how would you explain to someone why you liked someone of the opposite sex? what makes you embrace women if you're a man, and vice versa?

pretty standard

9. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 8y

Years ago I went out with this girl that ended up turning into a lesbian (and no, it wasn't anything I did - or didn't do ).

I liked her a lot as she was a bit of a tomboy and was great fun to hang out with. We used to surf together and explore new beaches swimming, surfing and walking, used to play arcade games, pool/snooker and have a few drinks. Even though I was young, I was madly in love with her. One night her mother caught us in bed together (we were fully clothed and weren't up to anything - but it still wasn't a good look) and she had a fit. Little did she know!

Anyway, years later I saw her and she'd changed from a slim, tanned, gorgeous girl to an overweight butch chick with spiked hair and had "come out of the closet".

I still thin about her at times.

10. Posted by arif_kool (Travel Guru 1757 posts) 8y

Quoting Erik85

An interesting discussion though! Would be nice to see the opinion of a gay/lesbian here if they are comfortable with talking about this in a public forum!

Erik

Erik has gone really deep and he has summed up beautifully, no wonder he has a thesis in this area. :)

Would certainly like to hear more from TP members who are gay/lesbian, if they are comfortable with the subject

Arif

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