I have a desire to be with someone
that desire causes 94.4% of the angst and discontent in my life
I have not always felt this way.
in fact its been only really prevalent in the last two+ years.
i daresay for as long as i've been 'sexually active'
I know this desire is natural; it is a part of who we are.
does that mean it to be surrendered to (i don't mean this in any religious context but just on a human level)
again, i daresay knowing the quality of my life, and how content i am with, well, me, and the life i live, it causes more pain than it is worth. 'love' or the closest attempt to it, simply put, doesn't put out enough happiness for me to counteract all the discontent, worry and pain it causes, in all its endeavors.
Were i free from this desire (as well as the desire for the desire =p ) i am sure i would be better off. or happier, at least.
so just because it is a desire, inherent in who we are, am I to just surrender to it? I don't really believe that, so i fight with it alot.
my problem is i just can't handle that. I can't handle having something control me so. I feel un-free.
to be honest, the 'love' aspect of my existence just feels like fetters.
modesty aside, i know i'm a catch.. i'm confident in my ability to snag a girl i like, provided she is single.
not to be sexist, (just discerning) i don't find many girls that are really worth my time for 'love'
on the other hand, just pure sex without emotional connection is, well, just not good. It doesn't do it for me. Some people might not be this way, but even the best sex sucks if i don't connect with the girl.
So i'm left with a unintentionally sado-maso situation. Many girls are attracted to me; i'm not attracted to many of them. provided i do find someone, i have to battle through my own apprehension and fears just to get into a relationship. i don't take it lightly. So i break a lot of hearts and manage to hurt myself in the process
historically speaking, I've generally gone after taken girls; which has only led to a bad track record, hahahaha
anyway, i got sidetracked:
just becuase we have a desire to be 'with' someone, should we follow it? is it better than the alternative?