My son in law , from India and my daughter was married in India 4 years ago and has a 3 yo boy. he is an american born in alabama. HE has been here for 4 years and wants to take their son for a couple of weeks to India in March. his parents live in south India. It is a long trip. and they took alex when he was 18 months old for 2 weeks. the mother can not go at this time and his parents are in poor health. they are poor and live from day to day...he has spoke of Going home on a permant basis. alex has nothing but a 6 month visa. If he were to get alex there can he keep him and try to get a full citizenship for him? does my daughter have any right to go get him or demand him to return him to america?
Alex has been very sick this fall and winter to the point he was taken out of day care and I have been taking care of him. he only attended day care from oct to nov07. I was keeping him before that.
I have told and warned my daughter of the husband taking a child out of the country with out her. she seems to think its just a vist but I am sure its more than that. the parents speak no english and alex could be left while his dad goes to other parts of India on business.
I fell bad about this trip and need some on to respond to me and help me to understand the Laws of other countries......
alex is not potty trained.sleeps with mama and daddy and takes a bottle at night. he is sickly little frail boy. I feel this trip could do somthing to him mentally if he is allowed to leave.amarica...............................
Help In Alabama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It sounds like you're letting your worries as a Grandmother get to you. You love your grandson very much and only want the best for him. It's wonderful to have grandparents who care so much!
Rigt now, it seems that your daughter and son-in-law want Alex to know his paternal grandparents, too. I know of 2 couples who travel from Canada back to India every year or two (and yes, sometimes only one parent goes) to stay with the other family members and let their children know their roots a little better. Children are quick to pick up new languages and adapt to new places. From what I hear from my friends, children are better travellers than many adults! Plus travelling gives them great memories and stories to last a lifetime. I don't think Alex will be scarred by the trip; sounds like he only has good things to gain.
In the end, your daughter isn't worried, and as Alex's mother her will usurps yours. You can always look a little further into international law to see what agreements the U.S. and India have in regards to child custody. Since both are democratic countries, I assume they can work together in the unlikely event that somethign happens. In the meantime, be happy that your grandson has the opportunity to live such a wonderful experience - and that he has grandparents like you who love him so much!
There is no danger in taking a 3year old child in India even if he wasn't potty trained.
India is not a bad place for kids and believe me, they are adored here. Medical care is excellent too.
And because your daughter is trusting her husband, you must not worry about this unnecessarily.
She may know him better.
Probably they will return to US after this trip and you shouldn't let anxiety affect you. But, God forbid, if
your son in law stays back with his son, your daughter has to take the initiative
and file a case locally. If this is a case of cheating by the father, then the law will support the mother.
In India, we always say that good things will happen and whatever happens will be for good.
Congrats on being a fond grandma!
If your daughter wants to send her child to India to stay with the father for a while I dont think there is anything u can do except hope for the best. For this reason I would wait until something happens to start thinking about legal stuff. If the very worst happens then u can help and support your daughter.
As for your grandchild being so sick that he had to be taken out of daycare, well u know from being a mother yourself that all kids get sick a lot before age 7 and the day care generally want the sick ones to stay at home to prevent germ spreading.
I would not worry about your grandchilds mental health as regards going to India unless the father and Indian grand parents are known child abusers or something. This really is your daughters decision to make. If it was your child it would be your decision to make about whether he is old enough to go to India without the mother.
Leave the lines of communication open so your daughter will feel she can tell u if there is anything real to worry about. If u keep expressing worries about things u have no reason to believe will happen it will be difficult for your daughter to tell u if something significant happens. She will worry about your feelings and wont be able to ask u for support.
Your concern and worry about the little kid is logical.
I can understand your concern because I also am a father of 2 kids and I keep traveling a lot too.
It is very demanding on a child born and raised in America both physically and mentally to suddenly adjust to the environment and conditions in India lke in any other part of the world with different climatic and environment conditions..But this process needs a lots of support to the kid from the part of mother.The endevour of longer stay in India can be undertaken if the mother is alongside.
To illustrate, my sister in Law and her family are American citizens of Indian origin who have moved in to India with thier 6 yr old and 3 yr old kids last year.Despite being of Indian origin and with the mother alongside the kids still are yet to fully adapt to the environment.In your case the boy being not used to conditions here and with the mother not accompanying it may be too taxing for the child.
I am a South Indian and South India is not a bad place. But in the case of children they need to be given time to adapt and mental support of the mother is important at this stage.May be you should take the opinion of doctor also about the childs health.May be you could use the services of online doctors who offer specific services on such issues. These doctors are familair with such cases. Leading doctors and medical insitutions from India offer online services.Believe me Indian doctors are as good as any in the world.
Hope this is of use to you.
With Warm Regards
G.V.Narayan ( Venkat )