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my mom hates my bro's girlfriend

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1. Posted by DieuThuy (Budding Member 22 posts) 8y

last Sunday is the first day my bro took his gf home.
I met her twice before, and I have nothing to complain about her. She is not very special, not very pretty, but she seems to be a strong girl and kind of friendly..he he...that's what I have felt sofar...
but my mom doesn't like her...lol...she didn't show it out, but I knew that she hates her although she still treat her in polite way..lol...
reasons? lol...all reasons are stupid..he he:
- 1stly, her father is too old, much older than my parents, then she thought this girl is not so smart, if she gets marry my bro, their children will not be so smart too...my mom will be going to have un-smart grand children...that's bad...lol
- 2ndly, She is " ugly " - according to my mom...lol...then her grandkids would be ugly too...bad thing
- 3rdly, some behaviors in the meal make my mom confused and she thinks a good girl never do in that way...

after my bro's gf leaving, my mom told to my bro all those things- of course, this made him sad, he said nothing but I know he's sad...she said she doesn't want to force him to do anything, she just wanna tell him what she feel, and all decisions are all by him. but she told him twice a day about it, even messaged him when he is away on his vacation ....she even blamed me because I met the girl twice but told her nothing about it, lol...it made me mad that time and I was angry with her...omg, I hate her like that.

she is type of traditional woman, and she is jealous with my bro's gf, i know...most of mothers don't like their son's gf...lol...she got my aunt on her side, my aunt doesn't like the girl neither... poor my bro

just wonder if I were the same situation, what if my bf's mother doesn't like me and do the same thing as my mom did?...lol...thanks God, I am still lonely..he he...maybe I should not have bf...that's scary to face his mother...lol...

2. Posted by wouterrr (Travel Guru 3379 posts) 8y

i guess in your society its not as easy as it is in the west. but your mother has nothing to do with your brother's girlfriend. especially not for the reasons she gives, they make no sense. as long as she cant give proper arguments she should ask to herself if she is reasonable. these things need time. at the end jealousy will fade away if she sees how happy they are;)

3. Posted by kombizz (Full Member 1416 posts) 8y

Quoting DieuThuy

last Sunday is the first day my bro took his gf home.
I met her twice before, and I have nothing to complain about her. She is not very special, not very pretty, but she seems to be a strong girl and kind of friendly..he he...that's what I have felt sofar...
but my mom doesn't like her...lol...she didn't show it out, but I knew that she hates her although she still treat her in polite way..lol...
reasons? lol...all reasons are stupid..he he:
- 1stly, her father is too old, much older than my parents, then she thought this girl is not so smart, if she gets marry my bro, their children will not be so smart too...my mom will be going to have un-smart grand children...that's bad...lol
- 2ndly, She is " ugly " - according to my mom...lol...then her grandkids would be ugly too...bad thing
- 3rdly, some behaviors in the meal make my mom confused and she thinks a good girl never do in that way...

after my bro's gf leaving, my mom told to my bro all those things- of course, this made him sad, he said nothing but I know he's sad...she said she doesn't want to force him to do anything, she just wanna tell him what she feel, and all decisions are all by him. but she told him twice a day about it, even messaged him when he is away on his vacation ....she even blamed me because I met the girl twice but told her nothing about it, lol...it made me mad that time and I was angry with her...omg, I hate her like that.

she is type of traditional woman, and she is jealous with my bro's gf, i know...most of mothers don't like their son's gf...lol...she got my aunt on her side, my aunt doesn't like the girl neither... poor my bro

just wonder if I were the same situation, what if my bf's mother doesn't like me and do the same thing as my mom did?...lol...thanks God, I am still lonely..he he...maybe I should not have bf...that's scary to face his mother...lol...

Oh dear, what a shame!

4. Posted by opospa (Travel Guru 1837 posts) 8y

Quoting kombizz

Quoting DieuThuy

last Sunday is the first day my bro took his gf home.
I met her twice before, and I have nothing to complain about her. She is not very special, not very pretty, but she seems to be a strong girl and kind of friendly..he he...that's what I have felt sofar...
but my mom doesn't like her...lol...she didn't show it out, but I knew that she hates her although she still treat her in polite way..lol...
reasons? lol...all reasons are stupid..he he:
- 1stly, her father is too old, much older than my parents, then she thought this girl is not so smart, if she gets marry my bro, their children will not be so smart too...my mom will be going to have un-smart grand children...that's bad...lol
- 2ndly, She is " ugly " - according to my mom...lol...then her grandkids would be ugly too...bad thing
- 3rdly, some behaviors in the meal make my mom confused and she thinks a good girl never do in that way...

after my bro's gf leaving, my mom told to my bro all those things- of course, this made him sad, he said nothing but I know he's sad...she said she doesn't want to force him to do anything, she just wanna tell him what she feel, and all decisions are all by him. but she told him twice a day about it, even messaged him when he is away on his vacation ....she even blamed me because I met the girl twice but told her nothing about it, lol...it made me mad that time and I was angry with her...omg, I hate her like that.

she is type of traditional woman, and she is jealous with my bro's gf, i know...most of mothers don't like their son's gf...lol...she got my aunt on her side, my aunt doesn't like the girl neither... poor my bro

just wonder if I were the same situation, what if my bf's mother doesn't like me and do the same thing as my mom did?...lol...thanks God, I am still lonely..he he...maybe I should not have bf...that's scary to face his mother...lol...

Oh dear, what a shame!

Maybe he should bring back a curvy right, kombizz?

5. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

Ah, the old "parents know best" routine. I've seen that before! Luckily not my own. Phew!

(What's her father being too old got to do with anything, though?)

In the end, I think that kind of behaviour leads to children who have low self esteem, can't decide for themselves, repress a lot of anger, and second-guess all their decisions. It also leads to a gradually worstening relationship between controlling parents and their kids. The frustration will turn into constant anger and resentment. Some kids finally find their freedom by never talking to their parents again. Others grow up to be terribly, constantly unhappy.

Your mom is slowly pushing your brother away. She had her chance to grow up and make decisions. Now it's your brother's turn. It may be a cultural thing, but human behaviour is pretty universal.

6. Posted by wouterrr (Travel Guru 3379 posts) 8y

conclusion. your brother should do what he thinks is best. and in this case, ignoring his mother big time.

7. Posted by DieuThuy (Budding Member 22 posts) 8y

yeah ! I agree...that is really a shame...although these kind of old perception has changed but it takes too long time. parents like my mom always want to control everything...no...not everything...but most...and the thing makes me confused is the way they control their kids who to love and marry....that's suck..
wife and husband's mother is always the bad relationship in family - this is true in past i meant centeries ago, when getting marrry is nothing but having one more labour in family, but the nowaday life has nothing like that. their living condition has changed too much, but their perception changed so slowly. Sons in family still have to take too much respondsibility for his small family and great family, his marriage is means more than getting a wife...lol...too much pressure...
my bro is the first son in family, my father is my grandfather's first son too, my grandfather is the first son of my great grandfather...lol...that means my family is on the top branch of the family tree...that is bad things to my bro...and his wife in future too...now I think I am lucky because I am a girl...lol...
it is not easy to tell people change their mind, this old perception is the obvious result of the culture, people has lived on this land for thousand years, they have lived on growing rice, agricultural life makes them scared of changing anything, they always like stable things, they try to keep everything in the old way...
back to my bro issue, I think he will have his own decision, even though he always try not to against my mom ( maybe that is the way he show his respectation to her or he doesn't want to hurt her feelings after my father's death - oooohhhh- that's stupid), but I do believe that this time would be different. it's time for him to have his own life. I think my mom will change her mind if she meet the girl several times, she is old type of woman, but she never want to lose her son in that way, she is aware of that, i guess.

8. Posted by arif_kool (Travel Guru 1757 posts) 8y

Such things are quite common in India too

The friction between the mother and the daughter in law is eternal and continues unabated. The mother is apprehensive of loosing control on her son after the marriage and the daughter in law is not ready to share her husband with the mom...

But im sure she will relent over a period of time, just give her more importance and a bit of sweet talk will help ur brother to win her over.:)