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21. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

OK, who left the door to the rum-vault open?

Do I have to remind you that we have rum thieves on this here pirate ship?

You know, he calls himself the Cap'n Beerman, but when he starts claiming that his name is Inigo Montoya and you'd best prepare to die, you kinda have to figure he's been lunching with the dread pirate Morgan.

22. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

It wasn't me!!! I've been over on the frigate but I gotta say, it ain't what it's cracked up to be. It may be middle-class but they have rules posted in all the cabins and everything. Rules??? We don't need no stinkin' rules!!! We're PIRATES!!! There's no room service, no mini bar, no casino lounge, no shuffleboard, no pool, no invitation to sit at the Captain's table at dinner. What type of cruise ship are your running, Rob? (Rob's great but has an odd sense of middle class accommodations. He actually expects the passengers to swab the decks.) The frigate was definitely lacking in rum supplies too.

Ah, the dread dead pirate Morgan... Gotta love him!! An ispiration to us all, except maybe not to Crockett and Tubbs who were last seen looking for the overboarded floozies... I also don't think we're really headed to Bermuda... If we are, why did we just pass a sign along the river banks that said "Welcome to Minneapolis/St. Paul"?? What I was taking for granted was sea foam is looking more like snow every minute! Can we turn this thing around??

23. Posted by lagered (Budding Member 230 posts) 8y

yarrrrgh! Aye, the ship (term used loosely) is heading the wrong way, tis getting a bit chilly mateys. Let us sack their home depot and find a new rum celler to be towed behind the boat before we leave. (pillages numerous stores and manages to come back with a new rum cellar and more rum becuase the merchants were too afraid to question a man with underwear on his head)!

we'll be in Illinois in no time!

The vessel turns around and starts back down the Mississippi river heading due south.

24. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Well, I'm glad we got that straightened out!! And look, we've made it past Illinois and Missouri without incidence. Though, we did miss the Arch at St. Louis. Oh well, since no hangings were on the docket there really was no need to stop there anyway. Does anyone hear banjo music? Are we passing Kentucky or Tennessee - guess that doesn't matter either but leaving the raft before hitting Louisiana may not be wise. The locals don't take well to having their WalMarts pillaged.

Purdy, once we hit the gulf, we should be able to plunder a new vessel that would better suit our needs. I'm not sure the raft is going to make it to Bermuda as the new rum cellar is really slowing us down. It also appears to be shrinking at a disturbing rate. We've already lost 4 logs and 7 deck chairs. I thought I saw Tway being dragged along by her hook...

25. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

Mmmmphhh!!!!!

(Translation: Somebody's locked me up in a rum barrel! Come quick--well, lemme just finish this last drop, then come quick!)

Meanwhile, back on the Miami Vice speed boat, Crocket discovers Tubbs bent over a barrel of stolen rum and asks him if he can get the soap while he's down there...

26. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 8y

A ragged figure dressed in a wellington boots, lether jeans and concrete Deer stalker waves at the boat from the banks of the mississippi. 'Yarr, be there some space for a lonely man and his tree?' he asks while pointing at the little oak tree in a pink pot he's holding in his other hand. '''tis a fine day to be planting trees, aye.. Me and me matey be going north to find the home of Dunbar the Illogical."
He takes a giant leap towards the deck but crashes headlong into the side of the boat and glides down into the water... The tree however makes it safely on boards and holds his sides laughing...

27. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

After retreiving a bedraggled Pardus from the river and liberating him from his stash of magic mushrooms, he is informed that the raft is actually heading south rather than north. He is also informed the potted tree in the pretty pink pot does not hold it's sides and laugh. Upon hearing this news, and recovering a bit from the mushroom overdose, poor Pardus is distraught and has been locked in a rum barrel for his own protection.

Meanwhile, and without warning, Tubbs has retrieved the soap and is no longer bent over the barrel, much to Crocket's dismay. He was, after all, enjoying the view. While they argue over which one will wear the salmon pink and which will be stuck with the luscious lavendar, a stealthy Tway uses her hook to hoist herself onto the Miami Vice speedboat and commandeer the vessel. All would have gone well had Lagered not dipped into Pardus' mushroom stash, started performing a strip tease while singing "I'm A Little Teapot" in three part harmony...

28. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 8y

Quoting tway

OK, who left the door to the rum-vault open?

Do I have to remind you that we have rum thieves on this here pirate ship?

You know, he calls himself the Cap'n Beerman, but when he starts claiming that his name is Inigo Montoya and you'd best prepare to die, you kinda have to figure he's been lunching with the dread pirate Morgan.

Hallo, my name is Admiral Beerman. Jou keeled my parrot, prepare to be humiliated.

Now what was all that screaming and thrashing about-type noise? And what's with this little oak tree in a pink pot? And why are there bubbles rising all around the raft? Did someone go overboard? Have we all gone overboard with this plotline?

Yarrrgghh, someone tie down Capt. Lagered afore he starts wearing concrete hats and sees trees come alive. You swabby, fetch that Twina back....we'll need that speedboat, and her hook to open these little cans of sardines. Arrgh, where's that NI-lander with her whip...we need some order on the ship nee raft.

Say, is that New Orleans just ahead? By Cracky, it is...see the sign? "Lake Ponchartrain - 2 miles - please no swimming or touching the lake". Ha, just the perfect spot to re-stock the rapidly dwindling supply of mudbugs (that's crawfish to you off-landers). I say we ransack Harry Connick Jrs. house for supplies, leave New Orleans alone as they have suffered enough, and head east to ransack Biloxi!!!! We can stop into the new Margaritaville Hotel and Casino for a bit 'o R&R. Cheeseburgers all around!!!!!!

[ Edit: Edited on May 9, 2008, at 5:44 AM by beerman ]

29. Posted by lagered (Budding Member 230 posts) 8y

(wakes up tied to oil rig in the gulf of mexico. While shaking head, Lagered notices he is holding a tree in a pink pot for some reason. realizing this is a fruit tree that is bearing fruit, lagered begins to nourish himself back to health while keeping some fruit aside to start a natural fermentation process in attempts to keep his pirate self balanced.)

Yarrrgh! the ship or raft type thingy has sailed away, but wait there is a note from one Admiral Beerman:

"sorry matey, had to plunder the ship dis tyme. heading south to the islands to plunder resort type places. Keep the tree."

YARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!

30. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

"What was that?" asks Pirate Crockett.
"Dunno," replies 1st mate Tubbs.
"Behind the rum barrel."
"Over there?"
"Yeah--bend on down and see what that is."
"I'm not falling for that again."
"Oh."
"You think because I'm first mate I'm some sort of hick. ha!"
"Whoops--I dropped my eye mask."
"Here--let me get it for you."

Meanwhile, back on the Miami Vice boat, Isa tries to make shaken Martinis while ex-Cap'n Beerman does wheelies and Pardus hangs on for dear life on the Water Ski.