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31. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Meanwhile, Crocket and Tubbs are over a barrel again and almost over the rail of the speedboat. As Admiral (Ex-Cap't.) Beerman does another wheelie around the oil rig, Purdy - Mistress of the Whipper-Snapper Clan - lashes out at the lashes binding Lagered to the steel girders. A perfect strike and Lagered plummets into the water, still holding on to the pretty pink pot. Sadly, the tree could not be saved. A loud "Aaaarrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!" is heard as Pardus loses his grip on the water ski tow rope and slams into the oil rig.

Crocket: Did you hear that?
Tubbs: No. And let me up - this barrel isn't doing anything for my back.
Crocket: You could always crawl into the barrel. I think I see some rum still down at the bottom.
Tubbs: Oh no, not that trick again. You get in the barrel.
Crocket. Okay, if you promise to be gentle.
Tubbs: I'll think about it.

Beerman slows down just long enough to have Tway grab Lagered by the tighty-whities with her hook and pull him aboard the speedboat. A head count is taken and it seems everyone is present and accounted for, except the poor little oak tree which can be seen bobbing in the distance.

"On to Tortuga or St. Lucia or wherever there's a Sandals Resort worth plundering!"

Without warning, a very wet Pardus cries out from the steel girders of the oil rig...

Tubbs: Did you hear something?
Crocket: No.

32. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

Ba-da-da-dum-dum-dum-DA!
Ba-da-da-da-dum-da-DA!

(theme from Miami Vice as we change scenes)

33. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Quoting tway

Ba-da-da-dum-dum-dum-DA!
Ba-da-da-da-dum-da-DA!

(theme from Miami Vice as we change scenes)

Are you sure that's not the theme music to "Jaws"? I think I just saw a dorsal fin break the water...

34. Posted by lagered (Budding Member 230 posts) 8y

(wakes up holding pink pot back on the ship wondering what happened)

meanwhile, the dorsal fin that broke the water was found to be a bi-sexual dolphin. Tubbs + Crocket's safety has obviously been compromised in other ways.....

Yarrrggghhh matey's! de ship must be moving forward and catch the tree that yooosed to occupy this here pink pot yarrrrgh. It bears fruit that could be mixed with our rum to form festive cocktails while we sail! also, we could ferment the fruit and plunder a small distillery at the next stop to keep ourselves going indefinatly... just need that tree... and some more dirt.

35. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Quoting lagered

Yarrrggghhh matey's! de ship must be moving forward and catch the tree that yooosed to occupy this here pink pot yarrrrgh. It bears fruit that could be mixed with our rum to form festive cocktails while we sail! also, we could ferment the fruit and plunder a small distillery at the next stop to keep ourselves going indefinatly... just need that tree... and some more dirt.

Ah, Lagered... It's an elm tree... Can we ferment and distill acorns? (You really need to cut back on Pardus' mushrooms.)

36. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

Tucking one of Pardus' big mushrooms behind his ear, Crocket turns to Tubbs and confesses, "Le chat est dans l'arbre." In hungry anticipation, Tubbs whips up a batch of vol-au-vent and a nice b├ęchamel sauce. "Mmm," he says, "what goes better with Pirate rum that a nice, steaming plate of--"

Suddenly, from around the bend, a rogue ship approaches and our partners in crime can't believe their eyes...

37. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Quoting Isadora

It's an elm tree... Can we ferment and distill acorns?

Correction: Post 26 clearly states the tree is an oak. My mistake. But I knew it had something to do with acorns.

-------------------

Meanwhile, and upon hearing Crocket's declarative statement about the poor puddy cat in the tree, Isa rushes to her stateroom to check on her precious Cleopatra...

Isa: Ah, there you are my little puddy-wuddy. I didn't think you were in any tiny oak tree floating in the Gulf of Mexico.
Cleo: Purrrrrrrrrrrr.....
Isa: Don't you fret. I won't let the bad men make cat-ala-king out fo you.
Cleo: Purrrrrrrrrrrr.....
Isa: Now come over here and I'll give you a treat and scratch behind the ears.
Cleo: Purrrrrrrrrrrr.....

And with that, the 150lb (7000kg) cheetah trots over for her Scooby Snack and a pet.

Suddenly, and without warning, the Maimi Vice speedboat comes to a screeching halt...

Tubbs: Crocket!!!!!! Look there!!!!!!!!! Is that the Girls Gone Wild party boat???
Crocket: Nah, there's no such thing. They film that on a set in Hollywood.
Tubbs: But look!!! There are naked women on that ship!!
Crocket: Just cardboard cut-outs. They aren't real.
Tubbs: B-b-b-but...
Crocket: Have you found that cat yet? I'm hungry!!

As Crocket wanders off to find what he thinks will be their dinner, a band of scantily-clad wannabe actresses begin swimming toward the speedboat...

38. Posted by marlis (Travel Guru 1167 posts) 8y

150 lb = 7000 kg
to many rum or martinis???
7000 kg are 7 tons
do you use the cheetah pussy cat for ballast to make from your barely floating raft a submarine?

39. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Quoting marlis

150 lb = 7000 kg
to many rum or martinis???
7000 kg are 7 tons
do you use the cheetah pussy cat for ballast to make from your barely floating raft a submarine?

Rum and martinis??? Where????

I used Quebequois (Canuckistani) kiligrams for Tway's benefit. See, the Canuckistanis can't decide if they are really French or misplaced Americans. They also have trouble with weights and measures - inventing their own system but disguising it as metric. Their monetary system about the same - $1.00US = $12,674Canuckibucks.

40. Posted by Herr Bert (Moderator 1384 posts) 8y

Quoting Isadora

French or misplaced Americans.

Are they not misplaced French?

Herr Bert
(entered the Pirateship, when seeing the TP flag from his U-boat, and now returns to the deep)