The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said,
"If you were my husband, I'd give you poison," and he said
, "If you were my wife, I'd take it."
Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some
unspeakable disease." "That depends, sir," said Disraeli,
"On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I
admire." Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many
obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a
reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner (about Ernest
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come
from big words?" Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste
no time reading it." Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of
any man I know." Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter
saying I approved of it." Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his
friends." Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new
play; bring a friend.... if you have one." George Bernard
Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...
if there is one." Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having
you here." Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." John
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's
nothing trivial." Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness
in others." Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't
cure." Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." Robert
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the
sum of human knowledge." Thomas Brackett Reed
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always
yielded easily."> Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." Forrest
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any
address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the
stork." Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever
they go." Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...
for support rather than illumination." Andrew Lang
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't
it." Groucho Marx
Thank you Kombizz for posting this:
I will waste no time reading it.
My favorite by Churchill:
"If you're going through Hell....keep on going."
If that does not speak volumes.
Excellent post! Had a great time reading it!
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
these are great! I can never imagine someone nowadays saying something this decent!
One of my favorites was the story of Dorothy Parker and Clare Booth Luce, arguably two of America's great twentieth century literary women going to a party. During the party they both argued aloud with each other on a great many topics in front of all assembled. At the end of the end of the party, as they were both leaving, they came to the front door at the same time. Clare Booth Luce stepped aside, saying to Dorothy Parker, "Age before beauty". Dorothy Parker then walked through the door, saying, "...and pearls before swine."
Other Groucho insults and observations:
I would love to join your club. However, I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
I know you can't understand this, but a child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
I didn't like your play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
You say you will outlive me, but I'll have you know I intend to live forever;--or die trying.
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
He's got the brain of a four year old, and I'll bet the four-year old was glad to be rid of it.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.