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Non Sequitur

Travel Forums Off Topic Non Sequitur

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151. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

Sorry D - been doin' Foundation stuff. But, now I'm back!!!

"Howdy Cowboy! Haven't seen ya here in a coon's age! Where ya been keepin' yerself?"

Martin looked quizzically at the man behind the reception desk, then around at the seedy 1930's style motel lobby and then back to the man behind the reception desk. "Do you know me?", inquired Martin.

"Why we shur done do, boy! Yer one of our reglers. Yer room is awaitin' on ya and so is Matilda." replied the odd little man from behind the desk. "Go get yerself a drink and I'll get Cleatus to get yer bag upstairs"

Martin looked around once more in sheer amazement. He had no memory of this place nor anyone named Matilda. As far as he knew, he was a happily married man from Cleveland just here in Casper on business. As far as he knew, his secretary had booked the accommodations for him and Gladys never picked places like this. Where was the Holiday Inn, the Ramada, the Best Western? Granted, Wyoming was a big place but come on, this was Casper. Looking around once more, Martin expected to see Casper the Friendly Ghost float by at any minute. Luckily for Martin...

"Howdy Cowboy, I'm John Wayne. Can I by you a drink? We're makin' a movie down yonder and lookin' for..."

152. Posted by Piecar (Travel Guru 894 posts) 7y

...like Everrr! And I was, like, Chaaah!"
We nodded,comically, unsure how we entered into this story in the first place. How did buying a movie ticket end up here? I could see that my husband wasn't even sure what she was talking about.
"Listen, dear, do you think we ....." I started. But this train was gathering speed.

" I mean, what EV! I TOTALLY get your full stop on this, cause, like sometimes chicks can go on an' on. Like this other time? When I was in a shoe store? This TOTALLLY made up skanK? like, she asked me...."

I could feel my husband tense. It was his "enough is enough" square up. He said...

[ Edit: Edited on 08-Aug-2009, at 19:19 by Piecar ]

153. Posted by Piecar (Travel Guru 894 posts) 7y

..."Man! I wish I'd listened to the cow from Wolfenburgerhausendorfadoodle! She was the most sage cow ever! Even more aware than the great sheep of HeadSmashedInBuffaloJump! I truly wish that I would have....."

missed that town name before...lovin' it!

D

[ Edit: Edited on 08-Aug-2009, at 19:30 by Piecar ]

154. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

...the balls to the wall to go for it. But, alas, being good at football and not spelling didn't help. All I've wanted to do since 3rd grade is be in the National Spelling Bee. Oh, to be able to spell things like "grammaticaster (a person who is pedantic regarding proper grammar), or rhombicosidodecahedron (an Archimedean solid composed of sixty two faces) would be the highlight of my 14 years here on earth. But no, I had to be good at football. I hate football. Throw this, tackle that, run down the field, score a goal or two. How boring. Spelling... Oh what a lovely thing... With spelling, you can conquer...

155. Posted by Piecar (Travel Guru 894 posts) 7y

...anyone! This move is unbeatable!"

She was dubious. Step inside someone's grip to defeat them? Still, she gamely practiced it with her Defence instructor. Arm comes out, you step in, wrist, elbow, turn, stomp. This was all they practiced for an hour. She felt she had it. But the instructor was too ready to go down. She decided to acid test this move. She invited her instructor out for a drink after class. (best to have backup). Then, while enjoying a 2 for 1 HappyHEUR hiball (She picked the place based on the spelling and emPHAsis) she searhed the seedy local for some one who might just be willing not to be a gentleman.
There! In the corner! Leather vest, and no shirt. Indifferently shaven. Slack jaw. That was her guy!

She went up to him and said............

156. Posted by zaksame (Respected Member 571 posts) 7y

"...dance alone and die, or dance with me and cry!"
She invited herself to sit; spinning the chair and spreading her legs wide like a pre-war cabaret singer she rested on the chair back and stroked her top lip.
"Does the doggy bite?" she asked.
"Get the f**k out of my face you crazy bitch or I'm gonna...

[ Edit: Edited on 03-Sep-2009, at 04:43 by zaksame ]

157. Posted by TravelSoup (Budding Member 33 posts) 7y

"...live it up
I'm takin' flight I said I'll never get enough
Stand tall I'm young and kinda proud
I'm on top as long as the music's loud

If you think I'll sit around as the world goes by
You're thinkin' like a fool cause it's a case of do or die
Out there is a fortune waitin' to be had
You think I'll let it go you're mad
You've got another thing comin'"

She was astounded, incredulous eyes and mouth agape, the result of his sudden musical outburst. He was standing atop of the table now, leather vest in hand, chest heaving.. " listen carefully sugar tits, my friend Rob Halford will be arriving shortly and suggest that you…

158. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

...stop staring at the apes. They don't like it.", commanded Margaret to her husband. Harvey ignored her, as usual, and continued the stare-down with an increasingly agitated orangutan. The primate leaned forward. Harvey leaned forward. The primate screeched. Harvey screeched. Margaret turned and walked toward the tent the guides were erecting under the canopy of trees.

"Harvey, if that ape decides to..." But before Margaret could finish her sentence, her husband gave out a blood-curdling cry for help. Margaret turned just in time to see her husband being sexually molested by an orangutan the size of a sumo wrestler. It was all she could do to keep from...

159. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 7y

Ignoring the plight her Husband was in. He seemed to be having so much fun!!!

"Harvey..Would you kindly NOT yell so loud. You'll wake Mommy."

"Well, EXCUSE ME!!!" said Harvey, " I am having a slight problem, here! However, that said, I MUST say, it kisses MUCH better then YOU do!"

"Harvey, how could you!!! I'm leaving you!!! Mommy and I will take the first choo choo that comes this way...And you can keep your "friend!"

With that, Margaret entered the tent and let out a loud scream. For there, waiting for her was......

160. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

Quoting chayisun

Ignoring the plight her Husband was in. He seemed to be having so much fun!!!

"Harvey..Would you kindly NOT yell so loud. You'll wake Mommy."

"Well, EXCUSE ME!!!" said Harvey, " I am having a slight problem, here! However, that said, I MUST say, it kisses MUCH better then YOU do!"

"Harvey, how could you!!! I'm leaving you!!! Mommy and I will take the first choo choo that comes this way...And you can keep your "friend!"

With that, Margaret entered the tent and let out a loud scream. For there, waiting for her was......

Hey Doug! Welcome back to the Mad House!!!!!!! ;)

Isa now returns this thread to it's originally scheduled cliffhangers...