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Non Sequitur

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81. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

...of the Sexes.
"It's the Newlywed Game and I'm your host, Bob Eubanks! Thank you all for tuning in!! Okay, let's start our game with couple #1 - John & Mary from Belcherville, Oklahoma."

"Hi Bob! It's nice to be here. We love you!"

"Thank you John & Mary. Okay, question number one. All the husbands were asked, What type of devices in your home are only used by your wife?. Mary, how did John answer this question?"

"Oh, that's an easy one, Bob. John said the toilet brush."

"John, hold up the card, please. Oh Mary, no, I'm afraid that's the wrong answer. John said dildo. I'm sorry, but that's zero points."

As Mary begins to pummel John about the head and shoulders, Bob Eubanks is forced...

82. Posted by Purdy (Travel Guru 3546 posts) 8y

...eat fish. Tonnes and tonnes of it - salmon, seabass, snapper and the odd winkle thrown in for good luck. Just as Norman thinks he can take no more and is about to be ill the most surprising thing happens...

83. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

... as the skies clear and God descends from the heavens on a flaming red Vespa with New Kids on the Block decals. "My children!" he says, "listen to me, for I have great news!" But as he raises his arms heavenward to make the big announcement, the Vespa slips from his grasp and sends him spinning out of control towards...

[ Edit: Edited on Jul 18, 2008, at 12:28 PM by tway ]

84. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

...the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine." Better than fine. I feel fantastic! Wow, whoever decided to caffeine to alcoholic beverages was a genius!! Is there a patent for this stuff?? Someone should patent it! Really!! I could just keep on talking all night long and keep drinking too. I think we should call the patent office right now! I don't care if it's 2:00 in the morning. Aren't they suppose to have 24 hour operators on duty or something? Hey, where's everyone...

85. Posted by Piecar (Travel Guru 894 posts) 8y

...say Oh OHHH!" His hands pushing up in the air "Say Ooh OOOOHHHHHHHHH!"
I looked around the crowd, shaking my head. I would never get why everyone liked this stuff. The roof was on fire, waving my hands in the air like I just didn't care, partying like it's my....

D

86. Posted by Purdy (Travel Guru 3546 posts) 8y

... own little piece of paradise, never thought it would happen that things could actually turn out so well, but as l stepped back to admire my handiwork my eyes settled upon....

87. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

...a time in a little village called Wolfenburgerhausendorfadoodle, there lived a cow. Yup, just your ordinary cow. Just stood there chewing it's cud all day long. Never really moved much. Just chewed and chewed and mooed occasionally. One evening, just after the sun had gone down behind the knoll, a very bright light appeared in the sky. As it came closer and closer the cow looked up...

88. Posted by Purdy (Travel Guru 3546 posts) 8y

and she simply could not believe her eyes. Why it was only her long lost father - he who had gone out 15 years ago to pick up a pint of milk and simply didnt come home. "Father, where in hells name have you been?" she said somewhat stunned by his shock appearance. "Well daughter, you will never believe it, but there l was standing in the queue to pay for the milk, and a travelling circus came down the street, well the bearded lady wandered into the shop, and...

89. Posted by Araluen (Respected Member 346 posts) 8y

...said., "Come with me," and I did and she took me to Gilly gilly ossenfeffer katzenellen - By The Sea. And we tip-toed among the tulips and dawdled amid the daffodils, partied near the primroses and waltzed among the begonias and I forgot all about the milk, only just remembered it the other day, didn't like to keep you waiting any longer, told Endora I'd pop out to the shop so here I am....

90. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

... dressed in my tutu and ballet slippers with nowhere to go. Whatever happened to the good ol' days when we tossed back a bottle of vodka, sucked half a lime and hit the town in our lace boxers to...

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